The Not Knowing

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Told by: LC

I think I was pregnant once. I felt sick constantly for two weeks and my whole body felt strange. I experienced nausea whenever there was food in my stomach and sometimes even when I hadn’t eaten anything at all. In those two weeks I felt bound by a torment, not only because I was physically sick but I was living with the uncertainty that I was carrying my first child and that I could not keep it. Eventually I bled and knew that I wasn’t pregnant but there’s no other way to explain what I experienced. I thought feeling sick was torment but not knowing what happened to me and possibly my baby is the true hell.

Since I will never know if I lost a baby, I will never be able to mourn.

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