Archives for June 2014
Tammy Brule, SBD
Kate Lydon, SBD
Kristi Heaton, SBD
Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula® serving Knoxville Tennessee
email: KristiHeaton.SBD@stillbirthday.info
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A Letter to My Love
My Love ~
The marking of Fathers day on the calendar reminds me afresh that you are worthy to have a whole day designated to honor you.
We have been through a lot; so much, you and I, that some of the events, circumstances and some of our responses to them sometimes – too often in fact – feel as though they stand between us.
The differences in which we reflect on our experiences and how they visibly impact us seem as though we are offering an exercise in polar opposites, and with each new difference, with each new misunderstanding, misinterpretation or misjudging of our reactions we seem to become even further apart.
Days of not knowing how to honor you while being true to this transforming role I have fade quickly into weeks and dare I confess months of feeling separated from you in a foundational and critical way.
They say that each child a couple has becomes a person between them, that it is harder for the partners to reach one another for all of the little people between them.
I say this may be true for living children as well as children not alive.
I interpret, display and perform my role as a mother much differently than you do yours as a father.
And too often, this can make me feel insecure, make me feel as though my actual wellness, my very value, is conditional upon your positively reflecting back to me that my interpretation, display and performance of my role as a mother is appropriate and accepting to you.
And too often, this can make you feel even further obligated to interpret, display and perform your own role as father in even more of the same manner that actually stirred my very insecure and conditional feelings to begin with!
And so you try to lock the doors, protect our home from negative intruders, forcing out the things that seem to disrupt sanity and serenity.
I love you and I need you to protect our home and family, from negative intruders who seek harm and destruction.
But, my interpretation, display and performance of my motherhood is not an intruder. I promise it’s not, even when it seems like it.
And, your desire to keep our home, family and life as safe and serene as possible is just what you do as a leader and protector, and I share with you now that I will work to see with fresh appreciation what was once an admirable, attractive quality in you and that, since the death of our baby, has become an area that I have been tempted to find blame, insecurity and as a condition to my own health and happiness.
I love you.
We are parents, and, we are parenting differently.
I am learning to see this, and I am learning to discover the goodness in it.
May you have a good father’s day, and may we both feel anew, the ease, wellness and delight we once held as we saw one another in fullness and in total appreciation for the uniqueness, intrinsic value and love that we each give to one another. May we discover the treasures that there are in our differences, and may we embrace the ways in which we have grown, and continue to grow, as individuals, as parents, and as a couple.
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Deosculate – Abide – Discover
If ever there were a little treasure map for you, darling, it would be this. If you ever feel lost on the journey, My Love, please just start back at the beginning. Come near to me, hold me and kiss me. Go slow. Abide in a way that is lingering, giving permission and offering patience. Then, I will be reminded that I can trust in your direction. I will not feel threatened that the path you invite me on, then, is a way to shrink who I am but will trust that it is the path for each of our greatest growth. In the end, if there is something in my journey that can use correcting or refinement or guidance, you will be more aware of the journey and have a clearer vision of the path by having and exercising the course of this map. And then, sweet Love, we will know what to do, together. Because together is what my heart desires, not just in spite of but because of our differences, and I give this day to honor you by making this clear. I love you.
For more, see: About the DaD logo
Mindy Terrington, SBD
Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula® serving Windsor & Essex County, ON., Canada
email: MindyTerrington.SBD@stillbirthday.info
Kristina Seymour, SBD
Rhythm Grace Heisman, SBD
Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula® serving the greater metro Atlanta area, North Georgia
email: GraceHeisman.SBD@stillbirthday.info
Ashleigh Young, SBD
Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula® serving eastern Pennsylvania and New Jersey
email: AshleighYoung.SBD@stillbirthday.info
Certified in Psychological First Aid
I am the second born of 18 children, 7 here on Earth, and 11 in Heaven. Involvement in the birth of my younger sister (now 6 years) inspired me to support women through labor and birth. I functioned as a typical birth doula for two years until my brother was born at 16 weeks gestation, and my sweet sister was born sleeping full-term a few months thereafter. Losing my other siblings through miscarriage taught me how powerful pregnancy loss can be, but after losing my sister, I knew I needed to focus more on supporting families through pregnancy loss.
I am also familiar with the trials and joy of a subsequent, or “rainbow” pregnancy when less than a year after my sister was born sleeping, another sister entered this world healthy and well.
I strive to serve women and their families in many different situations, whether it be a miscarriage, stillbirth, or subsequent pregnancy after a loss. You are not alone.
I am available to support those delivering within a 50-mile radius of Easton, Pa.
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Sibling Rings
Love Wildly is going to be the slumber party of all slumber parties, a weekend of fun, courage, tears and hugs. It is going to change your life.
And I love talking about it, because the more I do, the more people know about it and can plan on attending.
But I also know that there are so many who want to attend and who can’t.
And, more than you know, this hurts my own heart.
So, I’ve been thinking of some ways to include everyone, because my heart is one created for inclusivity. It’s just the way it’s made.
Here are the two newest parts to Love Wildly, and I’m really, really excited about them!
1. M0M Letters
If you’re a M0M longing to attend Love Wildly but you’re almost entirely certain that it’s just not going to happen for you, I’ll love for you to write a letter. Write a letter to share a little of what your journey is, and how we can hope for you. It will be anonymous, but we’ll read your words aloud. There is strength in numbers and your words being spoken in a circle of sisters who truly do “get it” is powerful, and I am believing with every morsel of my soul that it is a power that can reach through time and space and that reach you wherever you are at, at the precise moment you need to feel it most. Love.
You can use the little form below, or write your letter and send it to:
The M0M Center11117 N. Oak Trafficway
Kansas City MO 64155
2. Sibling Rings
We know the numbers of pregnancy and infant loss are huge. We know it, because we are it. And while Love Wildly has a very strong emphasis on us M0Ms, there’s also DaDs (we’re having a DADchelor party on the Friday night!), and, there are tons, tons, tons of surviving siblings. Kiddos, both young and old, toddlers, teens and adults, who are siblings of children who aren’t alive, who died in gestational infancy or older.
And I think, a lot of the kiddos are hurting. A lot. But I also think that even the hurting ones have talents, gifts, and things that make them laugh. I think each one has a desire, a hope, a wish. They have a favorite toy or a dream of what they want to be when they grow up.
And these really good things can represent the person.
So, here’s the opportunity.
Sit down with your kiddos, with these “surviving siblings” – maybe they are “sunshine” kids (born before their beloved sibling not alive), or “rainbow” siblings (born after) – wherever they are in the birth order, for this activity we’re making “sibling rings”.
Remember making paper garland? This is how it works:
Take brightly colored construction paper. Let each kiddo choose his or her favorite color, actually.
Hold the paper vertically – straight up and down.
Cut a one-inch-thick strip from the top of the paper (the shortest side).
Bring out the markers, crayons, glitter, whatever you’ve got, and let each kiddo create a paper strip that depicts what they like, what they want, what they love.
Unlike paper garland, do NOT glue the ends together to form the circle. We will do that later.
Gather the strips from your kiddos and, after they’ve completely dried, mail them to:
The M0M Center
11117 N. Oak Trafficway
Kansas City MO 64155
You will be able to see the garland decoration this will become, in the professional photos taken by Anecdotally Yours, of Love Wildly.
For M0M Letters, if you’d like you can use the quick little form below:
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