Michael’s Milk Gives Life
June 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Told by: Hallie
I recently lost my baby boy at birth two weeks ago. I was 39 weeks along and went into labor expecting a healthy baby soon. We had planned on a water birth at home and an attending midwife. Being our 5 th child I expected a very quick labor. I was right! Within 3 hours I was pushing.
My midwife starting getting worried when we couldn’t find heart tones. I had a beautiful water birth and an amazing delivery. It was wonderful and happy until after he came out.
My midwife went to work on him right away but nothing could be done. 911 was called and they tried all the way to the hospital but he was gone.
We were in shock. You hear and pray for people in these situations but you never are suppose to be them.
We named him Michael….my angel.
My days ran together the next few days following until the funeral. I had to stay strong for my other children. We were however overwhelmed with support and love. I don’t think I could have done this without my family and friends.
When my milk came in it was, and still is, by far the hardest thing next to loosing Michael. I loved nursing my babies. I am still nursing my 18 month old daughter. So dealing with Michael’s milk was so painful. When it time to pump I could even let down to pump. I got so engorged. My daughter only nursed a couple times a day and not for very long.
A friend of mine came over and gave me a massage while I pumped and I filled a bottle! We both cried over that bottle of milk. I started freezing it because because dumping his milk just sickened me. Then I thought “how many babies could use this”?!? I got on a website on milk sharing. I found baby after baby in need of milk. It broke my heart of all the stories of mamas with cancer and babies intolerant of formula or adopted babies. I can nurse these babies! My son’s milk will not be wasted. He has been helping baby for the past two weeks and will for as long as I can continue to pump. It is helping my grieving too. I feel like I have a purpose in all this chaos and sadness. I hope this helps or someone is inspired to keep pressing on.
The Healing Sparrow
June 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Shared by: Sarah
The words are a quote from a hymn “It Is Well With My Soul” by a Christian man just after his children died tragically at sea.
It is written in my husband’s handwriting and is the phrase I cried over and am healing with. The bird is a sparrow after the verse in Matthew saying that not one (sparrow which can be bought two for a penny) falls to the ground outside your Father’s care.
The sparrow is a humble, common bird. Miscarriages are common and often dismissed. But there is nothing our God looks at as common.
Nothing He shrugs off. All of it is meant to reflect His glory. So, even in this agony, there is beauty and hope.
I don’t have words for how much this is helping me in my healing process and that I will always have a way to honor my babies and my God whose goodness shines so brightly in my tragedy.
Hector’s Feet
June 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Shared by: Rosie
This is my tattoo: it may be very common, but I loved it. I added the copy of my sons feet print the hospital did for my son. I was 14 1/2 weeks pregnant with my little boy when I lost him on May 7 2013.
A Grandmothers Stars
June 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Shared by: Karen
This is my tattoo: the big star at the bottom is me with my stillborns star inside me her name is Lauren, the next 4 stars are my daughters, Linzi, michele, sami and abbie-Lauren (the second star has a cross in it for my daughters miscarried baby), then the next 3 stars are for my grandchildren, 2 girls and a boy.
Kurin’s Angel
June 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Shared by: Kurin
I got an angel tattoo the day my OB told me that I’d never have a live birth.
After 5 miscarriages in a row and few surgeries…
The day I got this angel to watch over my lost babies, I got pregnant with my rainbow baby.
3 pregnancies later I still have no stretch marks on it (my stomach).
I am a Mother
June 23, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Told by: Jess
I never thought I would be where I am in my life. I have a beautiful 11 1/2 year old daughter who I delivered at 32 weeks. She came after going into labor at 4 months from an incompetent cervix. I was 24 years old and had been married to her father for 3 years. They did not think I would make it to deliver her and offered an abortion. I knew she was mine and meant to be. So I fought. She is perfect. When I was 17 I lost a little girl at 6 months 2 weeks. Also before my daughter came I had had several miscarriages. I was overwhelmed with joy with the delivery of my beautiful daughter.
When I was 28 I became pregnant with my daughter Genevieve. I had a cerclage at 12 weeks. I was in a horrible roll over car accident when I was 4 months pregnant. I walked away without a scratch but when I delivered her still born at 38 1/2 weeks I knew the umbilical cord injury was most likely caused from the accident. I was devastated.
My marriage fell apart. He thought I should snap out of it after 5 days. It’s a pain that never goes away. We divorced.
Four years ago I met the man of my dreams. He healed me and gave me permission to grieve and subsequently heal. Two years into our relationship I found out he had AIDS. I almost lost him. That’s an entire story in itself. He is now doing well and as healthy as can be expected after almost dying.
Our dreams were crushed. We were in love and knew children were most likely never in our cards. Well God had different plans. I thought I was depressed or maybe had mono – we always use protection. But nothing is for sure. I became pregnant last September. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was scared, thrilled, sad, and many other things. I had the most high risk pregnancy ever. Got my cerclage, went on massive preventative anti viral medications and found out my daughter most likely had vacterl association as she has a heart defect and a spinal defect.
To make a very long and scary story short, she has no HIV, no vacterl and her heart defect closed up.
I felt like a failure when I delivered her with a emergency c-cection after 48 hours of hard natural labor.
But I am not a failure. She is my beautiful Snow. Born at 37 weeks she is perfect in every way. Sent from our higher power for us to raise and love.
I see my daughter Genevieve in her. She is ours. Proof that you can have life after loss. I’ve lost so much in my life. But I have been truly blessed with just as much. Nothing is impossible. The pain from losing a child never ever goes away. But time does blunt the blow a bit. At 35 years old I never thought I would be holding a beautiful 5 week old daughter. But I am. This is just part of my story. I am strong. I am a mother.
My Perfect Georgia Mae
June 23, 2013 by 2 Comments
Told by: Caroline
It started as all my other appointments had started, waiting in a well decorated waiting room, needing to pee, and excited to hear her heartbeat. They call my name, get my weight, and sit me down on the little table. I lay back, lift my shirt up, and the nurse pulls out her fetal heart monitor.
As I wait for her to find the heartbeat I’m thinking of what else I need to do that day, but then it’s been longer than the normal time it takes to find the heartbeat. I ask her what’s wrong….she says the baby could be really low and to not worry. But of course at this point I’m worried. Very worried.
She bring the portable ultrasound machine in and I can see there is no movement, of any kind. Then I’m rushed to the hospital so an actual ultrasound tech can take a look. That’s when I get the official news: my baby is dead.
I hadn’t had any symptoms of anything being wrong. I’d felt movement just days before.
Two days later I was admitted into the hospital… and wheeled into the labor and delivery wing. Every room was full. That day was those women’s best day and my worst.
I could hear the baby next door cry and I would try to get up because I thought I needed to care for it but then I’d remember, no…that’s not my baby. I’ll never hear her cry or breathe. I’ll never hold her hand or change her diaper. I gave birth to my daughter, Georgia Mae, at 1:55am on May 18, 2013.
I was 22 weeks and three days pregnant. She was so beautiful. She looked exactly like I thought she would. High cheekbones, rosebud mouth, and long, graceful legs. I could look at her face forever. She weighed 8oz and was 8 inches long. My fiancé/her daddy came home from Afghanistan the next day on emergency leave. He never got to see her but I am so grateful he was allowed to come home and be with me for a little while.
I would like to encourage all Mothers who have lost their baby to pump their milk for as long as they are comfortable doing so and donating it to a milk bank. Even though my body let my sweet Georgia Mae down, it was still able to help someone else’s baby.
Although she was here for such a short time, she taught me so many things. It doesn’t matter what color the nursery is or what brand of crib I buy, what matters is that the people I love are ok. That they know how much I love them. I am a better person for having her in my life and I know I will see her again.
