The emotion I was most surprised to find in my grief – the reaction that I had that was the most unexpected – was __________.
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Fear. And it was also the most crippling and destructive aspect of my grief. I went from being fearless to fearing EVERYTHING. It took me a long time to figure out how to live in God’s promises, again. But I think I’m there. It’s been three and a half years.
Anger. (jealousy was a close second).
The emotion that I was most surprised to find in my grief was bouts of joy and happiness. As much as I am upset and heartbroken at the loss of my second daughter, I am surprised that so soon I was laughing and enjoying what I had. I always felt and still feel guilty when I realize I am having a happy moment but I think Makayla would understand that I will have my happy moments. My first daughter needs me to be happy and the mom I was before our loss. She’s still to young to understand about her baby sister (she’s only 2)
Loneliness, I felt so very alone. I had no real life friends that had lost a baby. I left about 100 comments on baby loss blogs and got no response. I was about to sink into a pit of despair and then, God opened the door and I met lots of wonderful BLM online. I am so thankful.
loneliness…although I have my partner and my 4 girls I feel so lonely without my baby boy 🙁