Archives for October 2011

Live Miscarriage

or, Neonatal Death prior to Viability

When a baby dies in the first 28 days of life, its called “neonatal death”.

Because by most calculations a baby is considered viable in or after the 24th week of pregnancy, technically a stillborn baby who is born live, even for an extremely short time past delivery, may also be considered under the “neonatal death” category.

There is no such category for the unique situation in which a baby born via miscarriage either is or appears to be alive for seconds or even minutes after the birth.

Because there is no such technical category, but because parents who experience this unique and extremely special situation wish to have their baby’s experiences validated, stillbirthday has identified this situation as “live miscarriage”.

A live miscarriage may be most likely to occur the closer the baby is to reaching viability status (perhaps 16 weeks and older).

In a live miscarriage, immediately after the delivery, the baby may curl his or her fingers around the parents’ finger, may either appear to take a breath (as air is pushed into his or her body, particularly when moved), or he or she may indeed take an actual breath.

Witnessing such movements or signs of life can either be alarming to parents, or, for others, can be extremely validating and profoundly significant.

For this reason, stillbirthday wishes to validate this rare but important experience by naming it “live miscarriage”.

You won’t know if your baby will display moments of signs of life, until after your experience is over and your baby is born.  Please do not allow this to change the course of your birth plans, if your birth plans are medically necessary.  Here are stories shared by mothers who’ve experienced a live miscarriage.

The following information continues to give you support through the miscarriage process:

If your baby is younger than about 12 weeks gestation, you may be given three options for delivery:

If your baby is older than about 12 weeks gestation (about the beginning of the second trimester), you may be given these options for delivery:

You are invited to share your story here as well: please remember that sharing your story at stillbirthday is a way to express your feelings and share your experiences with other mothers – it is not to diagnose, treat or answer any medical questions.

You might visit our farewell celebrations for ideas to celebrate your baby.

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Listen In

The creator of stillbirthday, Heidi Faith, was invited to speak on the radio show Progressive Parenting with show host Gena Kirby, about the need for adequate pregnancy loss support.

Please listen in.

Fast forward to 8 minutes, as that is when the show starts.

The Journey Through Pregnancy Loss

Post Loss Lactation – 2

[View more postpartum health information here.]

 

This is part 2 of 2 in Post Loss Lactation.  Click here to view part 1, which includes stillbirthday support:

  • lactation professionals specifically through stillbirthday, for milk decisions support
  • discounts and freebies for items relating to expediting milk drying
  • discounts and freebies for items relating to milk donation

This article regarding lactation after loss was written in large part by Kayce Pearson, a stillbirthday -mom and -doula serving in Utah.  There is also information specifically regarding nursing your newborn with an adverse or fatal diagnosis (difficult diagnosis birth plan), or nursing your live twin if one of your twins has died (twins birth plan), and that information has also been donated by a stillbirthday mother and mentor.

Related: Stillbirthday Rainbow Milk campaign

Kayce writes:

***This has to be the mother’s choice. Pumping after loss can just bring back memories of the loss and the baby they lost since this milk was meant to nourish them. Asking if they want to is a good idea, but please respect their wishes and help them with information on how to dry up their milk if that is what they want (information about this below)***

After birth, whether the baby was term or in the second trimester, there is a very sudden drop in hormones. This results after the placenta has come off the wall of the uterus, since the placenta is what regulates and creates most of the hormones in pregnancy. This sudden drop in hormones is what signals the body to create breastmilk, whether there is stimulation to the breasts or not after birth.

About Post Loss Lactation

For the majority of mothers, a loss after 20 weeks will result in the creation of breastmilk a few days after birth. There are some that won’t make milk until later and some that will have milk from a much earlier loss.  You may want help eliminating your milk supply, since it is a daily reminder of the loss, but pumping can be such a healing encouragement that your body is not broken, and that you are creating a gift.  Some mothers find validation in the idea that the breast is crying.  Additionally, if you are currently breastfeeding an infant or toddler, feeling a surge of breastmilk after pregnancy and infant loss can have a mix of feelings.Studies explored in the stillbirthday birth & bereavement doula training suggest that the hormonal process of lactation through pumping can buffer to some extent the deeper emotional impact of grief in the earliest days after loss.

Some tips for helping to dry milk quickly

FYI: Many mothers mistakenly believe breast binding to be the most efficient way of expediting the milk drying process.
Rather than binding breasts (which is painful and largely counter-effective), consider binding the mother’s womb instead.

  Learn more about an ancient custom called Mother Roasting and more in our Blessingway information.  We include this Womb Wrapping ceremony during our Mothers Workshops.

• Do not bind off the breasts.  This can cause clogged ducts and can lead to infection and mastitis.  This includes tight bras like sports bras or tight tank tops.

• One of the best natural remedies is cabbage leaves in the bra. Just take regular cabbage leaves, either the entire leaf or cut since it needs to fit over most of the breast, and fit it in the bra. Make sure that if the entire leaf doesn’t cover, put some on both sides of the breast. This will evenly decrease the milk supply without causing clogged ducts or any other issues. If this is done around the clock, most see a huge decrease within a couple days. Change out the leaves twice a day for the best effect. [preparing the leaves by cutting off the biggest veiny sections, and then placing them in freezer bags in the freezer, and changing them out once they become warm and soggy, can provide relief from the physical pain of engorgement as well as helping to dry the milk quickly.]

  • Ice can be your best friend.  When decreasing supply, engorgement can happen.  Using ice doesn’t stimulate supply, and it helps take the edge off any pain they can be experiencing. Earth Mama Angel Baby makes Booby Tubes, which are great for this. They can be frozen or heated, and curl around the breast so all the sore parts are covered.
  • Earth Mama Angel Baby also makes No More Milk tea.  Peppermint and sage also can help lower breastmilk supply.
  • Try not to stimulate the breasts at all. Any stimulation, such as rubbing in the shower, can signal the breasts to make more milk. However, if the breast is really engorged, hand expressing until comfortable can really help, as long as it isn’t done every few hours.

 

Options with Milk

  • Breastmilk Keepsakes (scroll down a bit to see the jewelry on the right sidebar)
  • The use of droplets of breastmilk to include in your farewell celebration of your child.  This might include drippling into a tear bottle, a special nursing bra, a precious hankerchief, or a love letter to your baby, that you then might burn or place into a stream.  These options are as many and as individual as you and your bereavement journey.
  • Milk Donation (see below)

Mothering Magazine/Huddler own the patent on the original Universal Breastfeeding Symbol – we wanted to create something similar that honors mothers who have endured post-loss lactation and:

  • share milk with a surviving multiple
  • share milk with a surviving older sibling
  • share milk with other babies, either through pumping or direct wetnursing
  • became pregnant with a subsequent baby, who they are nursing, and by so doing, facing a new facet of the grief journey as they mourn that breastfeeding relationship lost with their baby who is not alive
  • and so stillbirthday has exclusive permission to the photo graphic above.  You are free to use it on your own social media or other ways of expressing your journey.

 

Some Tips For Milk Production/Pumping

Getting Started

  • know the options for donating, including legalities and fine print (outside link).
  • understand that the desire to donate alone doesn’t make it happen.  Sometimes even if there is milk, it is not enough or the mother’s body doesn’t respond very well to pumping.
  • discuss with your provider about the possibility of a discounted hospital pump rental.
  • purchase or rent a pump.
  • purchase comfortable nursing bras.
  • purchase breastmilk storage bags.
  • learn how to exclusively pump (including storage, hand expression, cleaning tools, and more).
  • create a word file within a tag or business card template as explained below for easier labeling.
  • keep receipts for your purchases as they may be needed in your donating arrangement.
  • get support from your loved ones.

If you want to pump and save or donate you milk, you will need support. It can be very hard to find the strength to keep going, but your support can help you go for as long as you would like to.

KEY TIPS: To keep an adequate supply, so you will be able to continue pumping for as long as you want to, pumping at least 8-12 times a day is necessary. Pumping every 2-3 hours will keep your supply up.  Pump for up to 15 minutes on each side – do not pump endlessly even with small amounts of milk as this can fatigue the breast and actually dry the milk.  You may hold near to you, baby lotion or another scent, or an item that belongs to baby, to help with “let-down”.  Household support by friends, and awareness for you to give validation to your spouse in other ways (such as listening, hand holding) can soften the sense of guilt which may accompany the spouse’s desire for you to stop pumping.

Find a bra that fits. Once you start to pump, get a fitting to see what size nursing bra will fit.

Most maternity stores will size women, but if you don’t want to go into a store with pregnant women and newborns, you can look up how to size it yourself online or you can ask for help from your doula if you’re is comfortable with it. Another great option is nursing tanks or tank tops. They will keep nursing pads in place, and make it easy to pump yet give support.

Look into a hands-free pumping bra.  Here is one brand. These are invaluable. When pumping exclusively, mothers are stuck to a pump for hours a day, and holding the pump in place gets exhausting, especially since pumping is pretty boring. A hands-free bra will let you pump, but also let you read or work while doing it. To go along with this, pumping makes you lean over into an unnatural position, and there are flanges (Pumpin’ Pal) that go in the pump to lean the pump over while letting the mother relax.

A good pump really helps ease the workload. If you would like to do this for longer than a month or two, you will need a pump that has the motor to sustain exclusive pumping. All hospital grade pumps will do this, though they are expensive. The Medela pumps aren’t a closed pumping system so they aren’t to be used for more than one person, but they are a good option. Hygeia pumps are the best pumps out there, and their professional grade pump are almost as powerful as hospital grade pumps for much cheaper. Ameda also has some amazing pumps to use.

Drink a lot of water. Just the same as if you were nursing, you will need to drink water throughout the day to maintain her supply.

Eat enough calories to stay healthy. One good rule of thumb is to eat 100 extra calories per 10 ounces pumped per day.

Pumping & Donating:

When storing milk, place the milk in whichever storage bag you have, and lie flat in your freezer until frozen. This takes up much less room in the freezer, so you can store more milk and it is much easier to transport.  With some milk sharing arrangements, knowing on what day the milk was expressed is needed.

It might be simpler to create a word file with a tag or business card template that you can print multiple times, to include the following on each tag:
Your name, day that your baby was born, at what week gestation he or she was born at, and a simple blank space or line for you to write on the date you expressed that batch of milk.

If donating, find someone to donate to once you have a supply or milk stored. There are many places to look for families to donate to. Eats on Feets and Human Milk 4 Human Babies are communities run through facebook, and you can just do a facebook search to find the chapter closest to you. These are both direct donation communities, so the donation is completely up to the families involved. Most should cover any expenses you had, such as storage bags or shipping.

It may take a few days for the supply to rise, since the body wasn’t prepared to make milk as early as it did. One way to increase supply is power pumping. This is more time consuming than pumping, but it works really well. When pumping, you pump for 5-10 minutes, then take a 5-10 minute break. Continue this for about an hour to an hour and a half, even if nothing else is coming out of the breast. The stimulation, even if nothing is coming out, will increase the supply. You can do this multiple times a day to increase it faster, but it is time consuming.

Mother’s Milk is an herbal tea traditionally used to increase breastmilk production.

Make sure that the flanges fit the breast. A lot of women don’t have the average nipples and breasts required to fit the standard flanges (horns) on the breast pump. Lactation Innovation http://bit.ly/pZCCAS is a great resource to see if the flanges are the right size. If they are too big or small they can cause a lot of pain while pumping, clogged ducts, uneven emptying of the breast, and other issues. Correct flanges will help pumping be much less stressful.

You  will need support people, particularly a birth & bereavement doula, to be there, to check on you. It isn’t easy to keep pumping, and there will be hard days when you may need someone to remind you why you started doing this. The benefits of breastmilk are endless, but after loss, it isn’t that easy to remember why you started.

If you donate your milk, the first time you drop off milk or milk is picked up can be hard.  Your friends or a doula can ask if you will need them there, just for support. It is your baby’s legacy and a wonderful thing for you to do, but it was also to be your own baby’s nourishment.

If you ever have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact any of our birth & bereavement doulas, or our lactation professionals. Kayce Pearson pumped after her second trimester loss for two months, donated over 1000 ounces to three families, and encountered a lot of problems along the way, from clogged ducts to issues wanting to continue. Anytime you need help, you can send her a direct email. Kayce Pearson heartsandhandsservices@gmail.com

Your loved ones will also need to provide support to you.  They can:

  • bring or prepare meals for you.
  • help with some of your basic household chores (laundry, for example).
  • help run errands for you.
  • not expect you to “host” or “entertain” them.
  • visit our “friends/family” section for more helpful ideas.
  • encourage you that you are making the right choice for your needs.
  • remember that you are a new mom, which comes with a lot of needs, as well as a grieving mom, which also comes with a lot of needs.

Additional Information:

This section is borrowed from “Expressing Breast Milk“written and revised by Edith Kernerman, IBCLC, and Jack Newman MD, FRCPC, IBCLC, and edited only to be appropriate for stillbirthday.

  • Obviously, if you can pump or express a lot of milk, you are producing a lot; however, if you cannot pump or express a lot, this does not mean your milk production is low or inadequate.  Do not pump to find out how much you are producing.  This is not a good way to judge milk supply.
  • The most effective pumps are high-powered, double, electric, and hospital-grade with adjustable pressure/suction and speed. There are many pumps on the market that are just not very good.   Some hand pumps are adequate for occasional pumping.
  • Hand expression can be very effective and certainly is the least expensive. See below.
  • Improper use of a breast pump can lead to problems. Read all instructions thoroughly.  Make sure you get a demonstration and instructions from the person who is renting or selling you the pump.

Pumping Method:

  • Wash your hands
  • Place your nipple in the center of the flange (when your baby is breastfeeding, it is best that your baby be latched on “off-centre” or “asymmetrically” with your nipple pointed toward the roof of baby’s mouth (see the information sheet When Latching and the video clips.
  • Put the pump on the lowest setting that extracts milk, not the highest setting you can tolerate.
  • Pump for a maximum of 15 minutes each side. If breasts run “dry” before 15 minutes is up, pump until dry then add 2 minutes. Compression can be used when pumping as well and increases the amount you can pump. See the information sheet Breast Compression.
  • Remember, pumping should not hurt.   If it hurts:
  •         Lower the suction setting
  •         Ensure the nipple is centered in the flange
  •         Pump for a shorter period of time

Cleaning the Pump:

  • All pumping equipment should be sterilized before first usage, thereafter it only requires washing with hot, soapy, water or by dishwasher.
  • After each pumping: either place the pumping kit (not the tubes or motor) in the refrigerator until the next pumping, or if not pumping the same day, hot-water wash and hot-water rinse well, then air dry.
  • Remember to take apart all pieces of the pump for cleaning—including the smallest pieces, and to ensure that no milk has clumped in the flange shaft.

Hand Expression:

Many mothers find that hand expression is an efficient way to pump when only occasional expression is required.   In fact, when colostrum is present and the milk production is not abundant (as normal in the first few days), it is often easier to get milk with hand expression than with a pump and many mothers find this the easiest way to express mature milk as well.

  1.     Wash your hands
  2.     Place thumb and index finger on either side of the nipple, about 3 to 5 cm (1-2 inches) back from the nipple.
  3.     Press gently inward toward the rib cage
  4.     Roll fingers together in a slight downward motion
  5.     Repeat all around the nipple if desired

Encouraging the milk ejection reflex (MER) or “let down” reflex

The milk ejection reflex or “let down” reflex is the sudden rushing down of the milk.  Milk will flow quickly even if you are not pumping at the time.  Some mothers may feel thirsty, sweaty, sleepy, or dizzy during a milk ejection reflex.  However, many mothers do not feel this milk ejection response ever in their whole lactating experience.  You do not need to feel or be aware of the milk ejection reflex in order for there to be milk.  Some women only become aware of it after the first few weeks while others feel it only at the beginning and no longer do after the first few weeks.  This has absolutely no bearing on milk supply.
You can encourage the milk ejection reflex by thinking about having your baby in your arms or at your breast or having a picture of your baby to look at or keeping a piece of his clothing next to you.

You may feel the milk ejection reflex or notice your breasts leaking or you may not.  You are likely to pump more milk faster if you pump both breasts at the same time. Breast compressions, while pumping, can be very effective at increasing the amount expressed, it may be a bit awkward at first, but it can be done (mothers have fixed the cups so that they sit inside the bra and then use compressions) or the partner can do it.

Sharing the Legacy of Milk

  • Understand the pain medication options your providers might offer you and how these might interfere with your lactation options.
  • Undergo a screening like at a Milk Bank.*
  • Having a doula or friend with you, especially for your first drop-off is important, as well as having something tangible you might hold during the exchange.

About Milk Donation – Screening*

All donors to a HMBANA Milk Bank undergo a screening process that begins with a short telephone interview.  Donor mothers must be:

  • in good health
  • not regularly on most medications or herbal supplements (with the exception of prenatal vitamins, human insulin, thyroid replacement hormones, nasal sprays, asthma inhalers, topical treatments, eye drops, progestin-only or low dose estrogen birth control products; for other exceptions, please contact a milk bank for more information).
  • willing to undergo blood testing (at the milk bank’s expense)
  • willing to donate at least 100 ounces of milk (some banks have a higher minimum)

You would not be a suitable donor if you:

  • use illegal drugs
  • smoke or use tobacco products
  • have received a blood transfusion or blood products (except Rhogam) in the last 4 months
  • have received an organ or tissue transplant in the last 12 months
  • regularly have more than 2 ounces of alcohol per day
  • have a positive blood test result for HIV, HTLV, hepatitis B or C, or syphilis
  • or your sexual partner is at risk for HIV
  • have been in the United Kingdom for more than 3 months (1980-96)
  • have been in Europe for more than 5 years (1980-present)

Donated milk is heat processed (pasteurized) to remove potentially harmful bacteria and viruses.

 

Join the SBD Milk Sharing Map

If you are sharing your baby’s legacy of milk, if you are in need of breastmilk, or if you are a lactation support resource, you can list your information on our Milk Sharing Map.

Sharing Rights and Responsibilities

Click here to send in a story or other piece to stillbirthday.

Read below for our password.

General (stories, comments, photos, poems, etc.)

Stories and photos shared through stillbirthday are under the same copyright protection as everything else available throughout this site.  You may not copy stories or use photos in any way without the written consent of both the site creator and the original contributor of the photo or story.  They are the rightful owners of their submissions.

Stories are shared from the broken hearts of loved ones of deceased babies.  Speaking through grief is a common theme.  Within each person’s unique grief, their story might contain sentiments of blame, guilt, shame, anger, despair, and hope.  These very real feelings are not edited out.

Editing is minimal and consists of occasionally changing an incorrect term to a correct one (for example, if the story says “DNC” I will change it to “D&C”), deleting the names of those people in the story who are not the author to protect their privacy (names of husbands are deleted and replaced with “my husband”), and some grammatical content may be adjusted.  The message of the story remains intact.  Additionally, names of providers or hospitals are deleted whenever possible.  The contributor or the site creator chooses a title for the piece.  If you have a title picked out, please include it when submitting your piece.

Links directing readers to your blog or website are also routed instead to our Bereavement Blogroll.  If you are interested in sharing your website or blog, you can include or comment on your own story after it is published.

There is room for error in all editing and an occasional situation may slip past.

Comments contributed to this website, and to the stories, are edited for purpose; encouraging comments are always welcome, and those that suggest additional blame or accusation or in any other way present antagonism toward the grieving author of the story will not be published.

The site creator reserves the right to refrain from publishing any content.  Criminal activity will be reported.

Stillbirthday will never sell your private information to any third party.

Internet Challenges to Healthy Bereavement

Virtual grieving can have real challenges.  Virtually anywhere on the internet, third parties may attempt to infringe on your right to healing by taking any of your words or photos and using them against you in their own blog or article.  This is a very real issue for bereaved families who simply want to share their words from the safe place of their home.  From facebook comments to blog articles, people can capture your words and use them against you.  It is terrible that people do this, but as bereaved individuals seeking healing, it is important for us to know that this can happen.  Stillbirthday as a whole, and our password information, serves as an opportunity to slow people down, but please know that engaging in real, in-person counseling offers the secure confidentiality that even places like stillbirthday in it’s online format doesn’t offer.  It is virtually impossible to know and prevent literally any and every way a person might try to cause harm to you through the internet.  We do what we can, but sometimes, it is not enough.  It is why if you are not already on platforms such as facebook, we really don’t try to encourage you to start going there as a way to share your grief – simply because even the best moderation doesn’t always offer to you what you need to know, and it comes at the consequence of being exposed to so many unpreventable variables.  If you are seeking legal justice against your provider, for example, you may want to confirm with your legal counsel the best ways for you to express and explore the pain of your journey.  If it comes to the attention of the site creator that someone has blatantly turned your experience into something shaming against you, my first action is to move your URL to a new location on the site, so that their link won’t work.  I will then notify you if possible, to inform you that someone has taken your material, and if you’d like, I can then attempt to contact the offender on your behalf to ask them to discontinue.  For situations where it is believed that someone is lying about their loss, you might refer to our FAQ page.  If you feel like you just want to share something from your heart but not actually have it published, and even want the ability to do so anonymously, you might find great value in our Whisper Nest.  And as always, stillbirthday considers you the rightful, legal author of what you share here, and you may pursue legal action against anyone who might draw from your words or photos who have the intention of causing you emotional harm.

Giveaways

Our giveaway opportunities are available for any reader who may apply to its content.  Please use valid contact information.  The winner is announced at the bottom of the article at the close of the giveaway opportunity, and an email attampt to contact the winner is sent.  After 20 days from the announcement date, if the winner does not respond, a new winner is selected.  Please look in your spam box.  You will need to provide a real mailing address.  Items are delivered as-is; if they are reviewed by the site creator the condition should be expected to be used, although every care is taken to maintain as new quality of the item.  Items are shipped in media mail when applicable, with no delivery insurance; neither the product owner/designer nor the site creator are responsible for lost or damaged items.  Stillbirthday will never sell your private information to any third party.

Password Protection Information

Our story, is often the first account and the first expression of our grief.  Every bereaved person has the right to express their bereavement from their own interpretation.  We have the right to a safe place to unpack and explore our deep feelings authentically and we have the right to allow our feelings to shift or change as we travel through our healing journey.  Reading stories can be a wonderful way for one bereaved person to bring great healing and validation to another.  The ONLY reason to read a story that is password protected at stillbirthday is to be loved and give love.  While stillbirthday cannot provide legal protection for bereaved authors, anyone who uses any story published here, outside of these standards may be subject to the author possibly pursuing legal action under the anti-circumvention law, misusing the electronic password barrier.  This might include republishing a story in part or in entirety with re-interpretation, publishing the password without this notice, or in any way using a bereaved authors own healing journey in a way intended to cause emotional harm to that author or any other bereaved person who potentially may interpret their own experiences in a similar way.  To read a story published here at stillbirthday, you must enter in our password (unless the author of the story decided not to use the password).  Anything else ever contributed by an author may also be password protected if they desire.

You are invited to read more about my personal opinion regarding the rights of the bereaved and why stillbirthday is different from other websites by reading my article entitled Take Your Shoes Off.

By entering in our password to access what someone has contributed here, you are agreeing to these terms and agreeing to abide by these expectations.  It should be considered that by proceeding with using the password you are in agreement of the above.  Finally, the password is read these stories is stillbirthday

 

 

Love Steps Forward

Protected: Wanting to be a Mommy

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Protected: Over the Moon for Macey

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Calling All Doulas

An invitation and a giveaway!

A doula is a labor attendant; someone who offers support through the process of labor and delivery.  Doulas provide comfort techniques, they can often prevent unnecessary interventions, and when interventions do become necessary, they can help the mother continue to understand the process of her labor, stay in control and work through most side effects.  Doulas work in hospitals, birth centers, and in home births.  They do not replace midwives, nurses, or doctors, but offer the laboring mother much more personal care than these birth professionals can offer.  Mothers find doulas often by word of mouth, or by websites that offer doula directories.  Doulas are generally trained and prepared to work in birth situations in which the outcome is expected to be a live baby.

I am a doula.  I am also an adoption doula, and, more to the point, I am a pregnancy loss doula.

I used a great deal of my doula training and skills to create many aspects of this website.  It is extremely important to me that mothers feel validated through the process of loss, and that we are recognized as having children, real children, who have lived, have died, and who need to be born.  Because doulas have such experience with labor, I felt that it would serve a tremendous benefit to include doulas in this website, as it gives the pregnancy loss mom the sense of connection to other mothers, to other labor experiences.  I wrote out a handbook, providing an outline of how I see pregnancy loss support to be necessary, and set out to find doulas willing to see this need in the way that I do.

In the process, I have discovered that there are doulas everywhere who have longed to offer this sort of support, some already offering it, and some wanting to learn more.  We have created an online group, where we get the chance to come together and offer each other encouragement and information.  We are trained in labor support, and we each have a heart to provide love, compassion and validation to any mother experiencing the miscarriage or the stillbirth of her baby.

To recognize the importance of pregnancy loss doula support, Bg&Co of New York generously donated a beautiful designer birthing gown to stillbirthday.

When a mother plans to deliver her stillborn baby, she recognizes that the process from the birth to the funeral, will be the one and only family reunion that will include the physical presence of her baby.  Trying to find comfort during the labor is extremely challenging.  After the birth, the couple often include many extended family members to come and enjoy the time with the baby, holding the baby, singing, talking, bathing, photographing the baby, whether the baby is alive for a short time or has already died.

After what is likely an extremely overwhelming labor, the mom most often tries to look and feel as refreshed as she possibly can, to try to capture memories with the family that hold all of her feelings…her grief, her sadness, but also her love and delight over her baby.  With all of these factors combined, it is often overlooked but is important that the mom feel pleased with her appearance.  Having a lovely designer gown that offers full cover, has a designer feel, and is lovely to wear, can make any mom in labor feel refreshed and confident in her appearance.  I suggest that every doula providing pregnancy loss support create fundraising in their communities to raise funds to have at least one of these gowns available at all times, and I would suggest to any mom preparing for her stillbirth and looking to find ways to make the event of meeting her baby more personal to purchase one of these lovely birthing gowns.  Again, it’s also another validating experience, having a real birthing gown to deliver your very real baby.

In addition to having doulas listed here at stillbirthday from every state, I am pleased to announce that we also have doulas listed here internationally!  Doulas everywhere are realizing the need to offer support through pregnancy loss.

One doula listed here was randomly selected to win the gown donated by Bg&Co.

I want to tell each of the doulas listed here that I am extremely thankful to each of you for joining me in this effort of providing support through such an important time.

The doula selected is Becca Pencak, offering pregnancy loss support in Illinois.

Video Memorials

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEFxiwyWZSo]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ptkn3YrbjI]

If you have a video you’d like to contribute, please use the Share Your Story link.

The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.