Practically: almost but not entirely.
The root of the word, practical, can also mean realistic, responsible and non-emotional.
Examples from practically bereaved fathers:
“Honey, if carrying to term is so hard, maybe the doctors are right and we should just induce now.”
“Why are you pumping your breastmilk? Haven’t we been through enough? I want my wife back.”
“You’re going to have to get over it, honey.”
“We can’t dwell on this forever.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
To the bereaved mother, who is grieving emotionally, these sorts of messages, in word and action, can further the divide you have and deepen the chasm of your heart that tells you that you are all alone and that your feelings can’t be trusted with anyone, even your beloved.
From one bereaved mother to another, I whisper to you, sisters, that the Practically Bereaved Father is not grieving less than we are. His grief is not almost but not entirely.
To the men who carry heartbreak with stoicism, with strength, stamina and a straight face, stillbirthday recognizes your hurting heart through it all, and the unique obstacles you face, those of doubt, criticism and shunning as you seek so desperately to protect us mothers, your women, while our journeys are marked by wailing and flailing and impulses and seemingly irrational decisions and screaming and stomping and crying and dying inside.
Please, forgive us as we’ve doubted you, belittled you and rejected you.
We need you.
And your experiences matter, and your own healing matters.
We have a large section of resources here at stillbirthday just for bereaved fathers – including Practically Bereaved Fathers.
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