Told by: Anonymous

I am yours, and you are mine.
Consecrated by blood,
I am a walking holy land.
This place is divine
because you are held here.

He hovered above the dark waters.
He declared with satisfaction
and supreme authority
“It is good.”

You are seen,
Called out,
And loved.

You can help stillbirthday gather facts that will have a direct impact on the support resources we promote for bereaved families.

Professionally trained SBD doulas are available to support mothers and families prior to, during and after birth in any trimester and in any outcome.  We want to know how mothers who have already experienced pregnancy and infant loss in any trimester might welcome the idea of an SBD doula, and how you believe this support might impact the short and long term experiences of mothers and families.

These results are always gathered and evaluated.

This brochure contains the results as they were evaluated in December 2012.

hospitalbrochure

The day your baby is born is very special.  It is a day that you remember, year after year.  While it brings pain and longing, it can also bring a special connection to the reality that you are a mother.

Whether your baby died days before or days after his or her birth, the stillbirthday is a special day.

Share your special remembrance event ideas here.

These are some ideas that are celebrated on the specific special stillbirthday:

More personal:

• Stillbirthday cake.
• Love Letter to your baby.
• Floral petals release into a stream.

More collective/group:

• Fundraiser event.
• Community service project.
• Memorial meal.

Here are some additional ways you might consider honoring your baby’s stillbirthday.

Share your special stillbirthday(s) here.

Just leave a comment, and if you have a stillbirthday URL for your baby’s story, you can include that, too.

ECM = estimated conception month

DDD = day death determined (may be the day you learned your baby was not alive)

SBD = day baby was born

EDD = estimated due date

Here are suggestions when photographing a baby not alive.

The most important suggestion, is to remember you are photographing a baby.  A beloved baby.  Your work begins before you enter the space, and begins with authentic humility and the greatest reverent love your heart can hold.

Photos you might take as you enter the birth space:

• The parents’ car
• The outside of birth place
• Nurses station or other signs to where the family are (maternity level or emergency room)
• The outside of birth room/room number
• Clock at intervals/event milestones
• Parents after your introduction
• Any of their items/baby items
• Siblings or colorings from siblings (you can take a photo of their phone if they have any saved to that)
• Drinks, snacks, or other things that can serve to mark points of the labor, such as guests
• Parents – laughing, hugging, crying
• Crowning (hold in separate file for the mom)
• Early bonding
• As you leave, the clock or something outside to show the time change

To photograph the baby, here are some helpful tips:

• Begin taking pictures during pregnancy, the birth and as possible after birth. The physical form of the baby may change rather rapidly.
• Close-ups of the baby’s hands and feet, and of the entire baby.
• You might include the parents’ wedding rings, for size and to represent the special union which created the baby.
• You can include “props” like blankets, a flower or something meaningful to the family, and photograph the baby in different positions.  A blanket can also be a beautiful way to cover parts of the baby with advanced physical changes while capturing a photo of hands or feet, for example.

Also Photograph:

• Every person impacted by the baby and present during whichever Season(s) you are capturing: Pregnancy, Birth, The Welcoming, The Farewell or The Healing Journey.
• Mom and/or Dad bonding with baby (reading, singing, touching, etc.).

During the Welcoming:

• Bonding.
• Actions including weighing & measuring.
• Items that touch the baby.
• Bathing and dressing.

Related: How to Bathe a Stillborn Baby 

Transitioning into the Farewell:

• Any keepsake making.
• Any staff present or parents on their phone.

Helpful tips about your camera, the photos, etc:

• Take time to read through and consider our pre-birth resource materials, including bonding in pregnancy, and creating the birth plan unique to this baby and this experience.  These things can help create and capture meaningful events, feelings and experiences.
• Soften or shut off your flash.  Using the light already in the room – window, computer screen glow, heat lamp, through the in-room bathroom, can be helpful.
• If you create both color and black and white copies, this lets the parents decide which they like.
• If you use editing software, keep copies of both versions so the family can choose.  Trying to magnify the humanity of the baby while being realistic to what the family is actually seeing is important.
• Prepare the family to receive the photos – let them know you have them, and if possible, divide them between photos that can shape positive images of their experience, and the images that are more real, raw, or that you feel with your understanding of your time with them they may feel to be more private.  These might be more graphic in nature.  Hold a second copy of all photos in a safe place, for an amount of time you decide (1 year, 5 years, etc.), in the event that the originals become damaged.

If photographing the physical form of baby isn’t possible:

• Perhaps in your birth experience, flushing was inevitable.  The irretrievable birth of your baby’s physical form into a bathroom basin can be for many mothers an extremely personal, painful and even traumatizing part of an already very painful experience.  Please know that you are not alone.  There are ways of speaking into this especially painful part of your journey with dignity and intention.  Perhaps purposefully including water into your farewell can be especially redeeming, such as a love letter to your baby into a beautiful stream or ocean.
• Photographing aspects of the reality of baby in other ways can piece together into a very significant photo journal.  The pregnancy test, the nursery, a baby outfit, a special place that you thought of or think of now when thinking of your baby, even if these things are purchased and photographed after the birth and death of your beloved baby, can bring validation and healing.
• We have more keepsake and farewell celebration ideas.
• We have more support for during the birth here.
• We have both short term and long term bereavement support resources for you here.

Regarding the Photos:

• Creating separate files for the parents presents them with options.  A file for raw or mostly unedited, a file for more personal/intimate photos (crowning of the baby, for example, or photos that may contain nudity), and a file that has a smaller number of photos that you might mark as “suggested for sharing.”  This smaller collection might contain photos that you more carefully edit to magnify the personhood of the baby, but also, have a watermark placed prominently onto the photo, to protect the family from any misuse or theft of the photo online.
• Receive express, written consent from the family to share their photos.  In fact, stillbirthday considered it best practice to not share at all, but to let the family authentically determine what choices are best for them to share and tell their own story in their own words.  Rather you can invite a general “call to share” on your own media asking for your audience/followers to give their own testimony of your services and if they might volunteer then to include any photos.  The difference here is much more than semantics but is an honoring of the family’s authentic journey.
•  Our virtual grief page has more on this.

Additional Resources:

• More Keepsakes with Photos
• ADEC_article
• Digital Photography
• Midwifery Today

Stillbirthday provides resources and birth plans for every miscarriage and stillbirth experience.

Getting pregnant again after you’ve endured pregnancy & infant loss is often referred to as a “rainbow pregnancy”.  A “rainbow birth” might also be one in which a surviving multiple is born.

Here at stillbirthday, we know that there are five seasons a family needs support through:

• Pregnancy/Prior to Birth
• Birth
• The Welcoming
• The Farewell
• Healing Journey

While on your healing journey, you may become pregnant again.  And this “subsequent/rainbow” pregnancy does not forfeit your grief.  In fact, it can bring additional joys – and, additional fears, worries and hurts.

Pregnant Again

If you are “pregnant again”, here is some birth planning information for your “subsequent/rainbow” pregnancy and birth:

• Please read our information on emotional support during a “subsequent/rainbow” pregnancy.

Consider having a special blessingway.

You’re invited to explore how stillbirthday Supports Birth Diversity.

Please join us at our sister website, run by our doulas, at www.stillbirthday.info.

Subsequent Birth Plan

1. Including Plan Definitions, Expectations & Alternatives

• What do the options you are considering for this birth mean to you?  How are they influenced by your motherhood journey thus far?  What will it mean to you if your options change during the course of your labor? How might the sensations of labor, birth and the Welcoming be similar or different from your last encounter with these experiences?  Consulting with experts, professionals and loved ones of a variety of perspectives might seem intimidating and frustrating, but can prove to give you some great insight into the possibilities and the reasons for your choices.
• Creating a pre-planning journal can be a tremendous tool.  This journal might include Love Letters to your baby who is not alive, it might include Love Letters to your baby you are pregnant with, and it might include thoughts you have along the way.  Returning to your writing at a later time can help refreshen your perspective.
• There are many non-medical options that can be personal and wonderful for you – options that may either replace or work in conjunction to medical support, including your SBD doula.  If you are planning a home rainbow birth, stillbirthday mothers invite you to read about their experiences, which include extremely important things to consider, challenges you may face, and healing you may encounter.  A beautiful book entitled Dancing with the Midwives or another powerful book, Ghost Belly, may be worth investing.  The author of Dancing talks about her hospital stillbirth and her home subsequent birth.
• With the help of trusted friends who can parallel our birth plans for you, you can utilize any of our birth plans for your living subsequent pregnancy and birth, including our Cesarean birth plan for multiples in which one or more multiple will be born alive.  There are so many wonderful, personal touches you can make in even the most medically involved birth.
• Again, our information on emotional support during a “subsequent/rainbow” pregnancy can prove tremendously helpful.
• This mother and newly adopted baby below, are bonding in a “recreated” waterbirth experience (click here for their story).  It is never too late to facilitate bonding, even when birth plans include the most amount of medical intervention.  Your love and your creativity can create an experience of love that is deeply meaningful and personal.

2. Including Support

• Consider hiring a Stillbirthday Birth & Bereavement Doula.  This list includes SBD doulas and other birth professionals.  SBD doulas do not only provide support for miscarriage and stillbirth, but SBD doulas are trained to provide support in all birth situations and experiences, including live births and including “subsequent/rainbow” births.
• Learning a bit about what we call “rainbow fatigue” can be helpful, which can carry some of the same traits as “baby blues”.

3. Including Siblings

• You might include a symbol or a keepsake that represents your baby(ies) who died.  You can visit our Claim the Space and our Still Together sections for keepsake/representing ideas.

4. Including Symbols

• You might include rainbows somehow into the birth setting:  order a stillbirthday exclusive rainbow milk teether with special engraving!  A rainbow colored receiving blanket, newborn hat, ink prints, leg warmers, onesie, wrap/carrier or other items.  A rainbow on your birthing door can be a symbol to your birth team that there may be heightened moments of fear or dystocia during the labor, along with the possibility of heightened joy at birth.

5. Including stillbirthday

You can share your birth story here at stillbirthday, as encouragement for other stillbirthday mothers.  We have a section of writings entitled “Getting Pregnant Again“- which holds the reality of loss, life, hopes and fears in subsequent pregnancies, as well as our Rainbow Birth stories.

Rearing Living Children

We have support in our Holding Umbrellas collection.

Here, a beautiful mother bonds with her rainbow baby during labor, while wearing her blessingway beads. 

Photo courtesy of the amazing Canary Lane Photography Studio and SBD doula student.

 Order a stillbirthday exclusive rainbow milk teether with special engraving!