You are here: Home / Archives for Heidi Faith

Protected: Looking Up, Not Giving Up

January 18, 2012 by 1 Comment

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Filed Under: 24 weeks, 25 weeks, 26 weeks, 27 weeks, all, Infertility / Recurrent Loss

Calling All Midwives

January 15, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Stillbirthday’s primary purpose continues to be to provide support to families experiencing or facing pregnancy loss of any kind, including miscarriage, stillbirth, and fatal fetal diagnosis.  While you are here, I’d love for you to take a look around at the website to see the enormous amount of support resources and information we offer.

One aspect of care is to provide birth plans for every kind of loss, including planned homebirth.  I am a doula and a loss mom, and both roles serve to support as natural and as personal an experience during birth, including miscarriage and stillbirth, as possible, given all circumstances.  If you have experience in providing planned homebirth support in known stillbirth experiences, and would like your name listed at stillbirthday for families to contact you, please leave a reply below with your name, website and any contact information you would like shared, and it will be published on our home stillbirth article.

Additionally, I would like your input on another area regarding stillbirth: planned homebirths which result in unintended stillbirths.  Because this demographic remains so very small, support and information for mothers and midwives after these outcomes is extremely limited, and an understanding of the complex grief that both midwives and mothers endure after these experiences is also extremely limited and misunderstood.

Stillbirthday serves as a safe place for mothers to express their feelings and share their stories, and it is our hope to prevent escalated situations of blame or denial throughout the internet by having one designated place where these situations can be shared safely, without having to feel defensive, without having to resort to sharing half truths or false information, and without having to feel condemned for publicly working through different aspects of grief (our virtual grief article explains this a little further).  Please read our submission information article to learn about a few of the ways stillbirthday provides a safe place to work through feelings and share experiences.

If you ever do experience an unintended stillbirth in your professional career, please consider referring your client to stillbirthday, not only for the vast amount of resources and information we provide, but for a safe place where stories are shared, heard, and the important but sometimes negative aspects of grief are not compounded or magnified as they can be by sharing stories most anywhere else on the internet.

With planned homebirth on the rise, it is best that all homebirth midwives have a plan for all outcomes and situations, for themselves but also for their clients.

Information for planned homebirth for known stillbirth, and unexpected stillbirths at home, can be found here, in our home stillbirth article.

Additionally, if you have any other ideas and ways to improve grief outcomes in the unique situation of planned homebirths which result in stillbirth, please leave a reply in the comment section below.  There are many factors that are involved in these unique situations, that are only just now being looked at by psychological professionals, but in the meantime, any ideas we all have that can serve for good should be considered.  Please offer your ideas and thoughts regarding these matters.

Consider this study by SANDS.

Filed Under: all, Outside Insight / P.R.

Perfect Path, Imperfect Steps

January 13, 2012 by 1 Comment

How does one grieve well?

It is a question I have come to ponder often in the months since my pregnancy loss.

My doctor told me that her practice intentionally brushes off the reality of the actual life of miscarried babies, relieved to rely on  the medical terminology of “products of conception” rather than say that what once had a heartbeat and a due date now is not alive.

She shared that it had been her assumption that mothers move on faster that way.

Is faster better?  It is something I have set out to disprove since my loss, and I believe with all certainty that acknowledging the loss as an actual baby helps identify what the mother is experiencing, and by allowing her to identify that, she is better equipped to move through it.

So, how do you know you are really moving through your grief?

Are you expected to act a certain way, talk a certain way, and are you expected to demonstrate a consecutive and consistant move from a place of visible unhappiness into a place of visible happiness?  Who is charged with assessing this progress, and against what measurement do they use?

Because these things are so subjective and so individual, I decided to take my questions to scripture.

In the Old Testament, Moses brought the Israelites out of Egypt, and in no ordinary way.  What were ten plagues to the Egyptians were to be interpreted as ten miracles to the then enslaved Israelites.  Building on each other and leading to a crescendo of both preservation and bloodshed, the Israelites had a firsthand account to verify that God indeed was for them.

Then, Moses led them away from Egypt – again, in no ordinary way.  Moses used his staff, a simple walking stick, and with the physical demonstration of lifting it up and intentionally and firmly bringing it back down, his actions proved to everyone – to his followers but also to the enemy, that he had faith that God would provide an answer.  The waters opened, revealing a magestic water-walled hallway, held apart by nothing less than God’s power.  Even the ground they walked on was perfectly dry.  Just the thought is so marvelous and brilliant, and yet, the enemy believed that somehow they too could partake in this gift that was clearly not indended for them, but to protect the Israelites from them.  They pursued their freed slaves.  And while every Israelite made it safely to the other side of the sea, the water walls crashed down, returning to their natural state, swallowing the enemy within the waves.

Miracle after miracle were presented to the Israelites, each intended to sustain them through their challenges and doubts.

All they had to do was hold onto faith.

The large group of freed slaves traveled through the wilderness for a time, until they reached what would be their Promised Land.  Moses instructed 12 men to investigate this foreign land, which was occupied – other people, strangers, were already living there.

When the men returned, ten of them spoke of the inhabitants with great fear and doubt, instilling discouragement among this group of travelers.  There was no way, they believed, that they could ever defeat these people in their promised land and claim the land as theirs.

Because of their doubt, God proclaimed that none of them would then, ever enter into the Promised Land, and what’s more, because of the strength of the doubt and fear throughout the entire group of Israelites, none of the men 20 years old and older would enter the Promised Land.  That’s right, none of them – except the ones who voiced their faith.

This group of freed slaves were doomed to wander for 40 years, until the last of the men died.  Only then would the next generation inhabit the new land.

What would you do if you were told that you wouldn’t be able to ever get what you wanted in this life?  And on top of that, you were told to follow instructions that you knew would leave you wandering, all the rest of your life?

Needless to say, the complaining continued throughout the travels, and there were various incidents that took place: a small group of people thought they could petition God to change His mind (Numbers 14:39), but they disobeyed their leader in the process and their efforts proved futile.  Another group rebelled against Moses and challenged his leadership (Numbers 16).  They had opportunity to back down and submit to the rightful authority, but chose not to, and this ended in their demise.  The people complained about the food they had, although it was always provided.  The people tried to break the rules regarding storing the food, which was a lesson in trusting for the provision of each day.  The people compained about being thirsty.  They complained a lot, about continuing to move forward.  A common complaint throughout all of these stories is,

“Why did you take us out of Egypt?”

And yet, through all of their complaining, there is not a single story of anyone turning back.

Imagine being a 30 year old man, in this group.  You are promised to wander in wilderness for the rest of your life.  You will never get the desire of your heart, to have home and rest.  And yet each morning you awake with the same group, eat the same ration of food provided by God, and continue to shuffle along in the same shoes (the Bible tells us that their shoes never wore out – isn’t that interesting?), knowing you will be doing this for the rest of your life.

What was there to hold onto?  Why keep moving forward?

I believe the decision to continue to move forward is based in a number of things.  I think at one level was fear.  The fear and understanding that even worse could happen – to the person who flees and to the rest of the group.  But I also believe that there must have been a point of acceptance.  Of simply understanding that things now are better than they were before, that God has blessed them with the experience of not being trapped, and recognizing that being on the path of wandering was exactly where God wanted them to be.

Have you ever felt as though the path of wandering is exactly where God wants you to be?

I cannot go backward.  I cannot go back to my fourth pregnancy and have those fleeting weeks returned to me.  They are gone.  Consumed by the waves of time and history.  I cannot run away and somehow have my miscarried baby be somewhere else.  I will live the rest of my life, rising each day, knowing that this life will never bring me my miscarried baby.

I go forward.

I know that at the end of my life, I will reach my Promised Land.  But each day, I wake up, and collect the blessings that God has granted for me.  I see my other children and my husband and our warm house, our warm food and warm love.  I recognize all of the gifts He gives and I remember all of the miracles.

But, sometimes, I complain.  My heart cries out as I remember the finality of seeing my lifeless baby on the ultrasound monitor.  I remember the total ache of my body laboring, knowing the doom that it was.  I can recall how very heartbroken I was when I saw my baby, and how deeply I wept and how passionately I told him that I was sorry for not protecting him.

I see these things in my mind as things from my past, but I don’t relive them.

I don’t go back.

The Bible gives us another account of the importance of moving forward in Genesis 19.  God allowed Lot and his family to leave what they believed to be their homeland, a place where they settled but that was filled with destruction and sin.  God destroyed the entire place, but granted Lot and his family a safe departure, with the one stipulation that they were not to look back.  Just, keep moving foward, is all they had to do.  Well, Lot’s wife turned back.  She didn’t just turn back, she looked back, in longing of all she felt she had lost.  Because she deliberately disobeyed God, she was turned into a pillar of salt, right there.

Christians know that salt has value.  It preserves, and it gives flavor.  But too much of it makes for bitterness, too much can be harmful, and too much can be painful.  She didn’t just remember her past; in her heart, she wanted to go back.  She allowed for too much salt.  In her loss, she didn’t go foward, she went backward.  And it destroyed her.

The Bible gives us one more view of behaving through grief.

In the book of Ruth, we read the story of Naomi.  Naomi had a husband and two sons.  The story explains how the husband died, and the two sons both married Moabite women.  They were married for about 10 years, when both of the sons died.

In a period of 10 years, Naomi lost her husband and both of her sons, in a time when the judges ruled, which means she had very little protection or rights.  How was she even going to eat?  She instructed her two daughters-in-law to go back to their homeland and to their gods (Ruth 1:15).  One of the daughters did, but the other, Ruth, stayed with her.

Where did they go?  They went forward.  The went to Bethlehem.

Yet, even though they went forward, Naomi was still grieved over her losses.  When the two women arrived, Naomi told the people that they should no longer call her Naomi (which means “pleasant”), but instructed the people to call her Mara (which means “bitterness”).  She was hurt and grieving!

What happens in this story?  Ruth is presented with a unique situation, and in the end, Naomi uses her wisdom and insight to bless Ruth tremendously, beyond what she could have ever imagined.  In the end, Naomi indeed returns to “pleasantness”.

My pastor, who shared a sermon on this story to hundreds of people one Sunday morning but who had no idea how this message was for me in particular, summed up this lesson with four important points that I think will bless you, too.  God can lay out the perfect path for us, whatever that path may look like, and even though we follow it, our steps may occasionally be imperfect.  These four points will make sure you stay the path:

  • When you are grieved, continue to move toward the Promise.
  • Go forward.
  • Don’t go alone.  Get help when you need it and rely on those whom you trust.
  • As you go, believe God’s faithfulness.
Filed Under: all

She’s Not My Rainbow

January 13, 2012 by 4 Comments

Pregnancy & infant loss parents often refer to subsequent children, born after their miscarriage or stillbirth experiences, as “rainbow babies”, the idea being that “a rainbow follows the storm.”

Our world offers a lot of interpretations of rainbows, and while I enjoy the sentiment and agree, wholeheartedly, that the experience of pregnancy loss is in fact a devastating storm (but not that the child is), as I rub my tightly stretched, expanded belly, which holds my fifth child and my very first daughter, I feel convicted to push the fantasy aside and know that she is in fact, not my rainbow.

Genesis 9:8-16 tells us:

Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him, “Behold, I establish my covenant with you and your offspring after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the livestock, and every beast of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark; it is for every beast of the earth. I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations…”

God is telling us that the rainbow is a reminder of His covenant, a promise that He will not allow destruction in the same manner in which He previously did.

I cannot deceive myself into believing that this promise is directed toward the preservation of earthly life of this child in my womb.

God has not promised that He will not allow destruction of this child’s earthly life, as He previously permitted of my last child.

And yet understanding that powerful truth does not leave me feeling vulnerable, suspicious, or afraid.

It makes me humble.  It makes me marvel at God’s goodness.  It makes me thankful, not for every trimester that passes or for every month that brings me closer to the birth.  No, I don’t count down the days.  I rejoice in them.  I touch my belly.  I feel my daughter stir.  25 weeks.  She is growing so big.

Her legs are longer than her arms, which as she continues to grow will serve to constrict her space even further and make things more uncomfortable for her.  I can tell already by the force of her kicking that she is stretching and has begun to fill in the space within my womb.  Why are her legs longer than her arms already?  It is to prepare her for walking, for life outside of the womb.  Yet all she knows right now is the swishing, the whirring, the humming of the sounds through the water that surrounds her.  All she knows is she bumps harder and stronger every day into my soft but protective flesh around her.  She has no idea that the duration of her earthly life is not promised.  That at any day, any minute, God could gently whisper to her heart, to still.  She has no idea just how vulnerable she is, how delicate this life is.

All the while, her body continues to prepare her for a world she has no idea is here.  A world much bigger than she could ever imagine.

I want to have faith like that.

I want to just naturally move to a rhythm that brings me more and more prepared for the life that is bigger than this.  I want to be grown, molded, and shaped to be ready for it.  I want every day to mark a change in my development, I want it to be visible and apparent and obvious to others.

My storm has allowed me to see just how my spirit is taking shape.  It is growing.  I can feel the resistance when I push at life’s pressures as they close in on me.  I feel the reality of the physical world, the discomforts and the sense of imperfection around me, and know that this is in fact, not my home.  I am gestating, maturing and learning, so that I can be prepared for a place much bigger, much more bright, much more awesome than the little space I have right now.

I sit quietly in my baby’s nursery.  I am surrounded by pink for the first time in my adult life.

As a little girl, my mother and father were abusive and unloving toward me.  I was raised in foster care, and because I wasn’t “adoptable”, I didn’t stay anywhere long.  I lived in orphanages, institutions, and shelters.  I have been abused in every way possible.

I never had a mother to teach me how to cook, how to sew, how to be modest yet bold, how to be submissive and yet successful.

When I began having children, I felt as though I was not only sorely ill-prepared to be a “girl mom”, but to a mom at all.  I was scared but trusted God to prepare me.  My first son  has shaped my ability to love selflessly and has refined my determination and perseverance.  My second son has shaped my patience and ability to share and have balance.  My third son has taught me to embrace the amazing joy of motherhood and to relax.  My fourth son, my miscarried baby, has taught me forgiveness.  I blamed God and myself for his death, and I learned to forgive God, to see His perfection even in storms, and I’ve learned to forgive myself for things outside of my control.  And, I’ve learned to accept God’s forgiveness, really accept it, for blaming Him.

My fifth child, my first daughter, has taught me about God’s goodness.  I love each of my children for their intrinsic value and the wonder of God’s blessings through them but I feel compelled to share now the spiritual value of her particular life, this daughter of mine.

She is not the promise after the storm.  She is neither the long awaited-for girl born after boys.  I never imagined having a daughter.

Now, as I sit in the nursery, filled with soft shades of pink, I marvel at the wonder of it: my daughter.  I touch my belly again, and thank God for His goodness.

He has entrusted with me a little girl, even in the face of all of my uncertainties and fears and shortcomings in my own childhood.

While I like to dream about our future, a life with three active, rowdy, crazy boys, and wonder what our daughter will be like, how she will fit in with this family, I don’t have any expectation.  In the same way I strap all of our children into their seats with seatbelts, I know that the time we are given, the duration of this life, is not promised.

As I allow those dreams to linger, as they build the reality that in fact our daughter will be born, I don’t miserably wish the time away until something feels more certain.  I don’t impatiently wish this pregnancy past.

I rub my belly.  I marvel at how far we have already come, my daughter and I.  I am not in any hurry for her to reach a certain point or a particular age or even a milestone.  I don’t depend on her to be my promise, a promise that would make my love for God conditional and would limit my joy tremendously.

I watch adoringly as my oldest son kisses my belly and says he loves his little sister.  My heart melts as he enters the nursery and jokingly says it gives him a “pink headache.”  I marvel as I see how much he has grown, and the things he is capable of doing; things that have nothing to do with his sister at all.  I am captivated by my third sons new ability to maneuver as a biped.  How do humans learn to walk, anyway?  It amazes me.  I am filled with joy when I see my second son pat his little brother on the head and ask “Are you OK?” when he falls down.  I melt when my man walks in the door from work and looks at me, really looks at me, full of compassion and adoration and total love, and tells me simply that he’s glad to be home.  We’ve always had an amazing marriage, but the experience of grief following the birth of our miscarried baby shook us, both individually and as a couple.  Oh, how God has grown us even closer than ever before!

There are so many blessings all around me.

I don’t want to call my daughter my “rainbow” because I can’t separate that from what I know God’s promises to be, and I can’t allow myself, or my daughter, or God, the terrible disservice of confusing His promises from His gifts.

My daughter is in fact, a gift.  One that I have already received.  I have been given so very much by her presence in my life already.  I will remain in this life the mother of a daughter, regardless of the duration of her life, or my own.

The “rainbow” in my life, in the worldly context of finding beauty after the storm of my loss, is in the strength of my marriage, the strength of my heart, and the strength in my relationship with God.  It’s in having new eyes to see the many ways He blesses, provides and sustains, each and every day.

The actual biblical promises I stand on include bringing all things that He creates to proper completion.  He creates, gestates, provides until the creation lacks nothing, and when that person’s job is complete, they are welcomed Home.  These are biblical truths.  I trust that my miscarried baby is complete, that his work is done, and that he is Home.

I move into preparing for my daughter’s tomorrow; I wash and fold her tiny clothes and match her tiny ruffled bloomers with pretty floral dresses.  I hold out her tiny booties and smile as I imagine her tiny feet tucked warm inside.  I hope for tomorrow, and act as if when it comes we will continue to share it together.  I don’t demand it, and I don’t fear it will be taken.

Instead, I am simply and deeply thankful for the hope that I am given today.

Filed Under: all, Getting Pregnant Again, Heidi's Pieces

PayPal

January 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

click to use PayPal

Please make sure you have read and understand stillbirthday purchasing policy for the item you are purchasing before you place your order – namely, that there are no refunds,  and stillbirthday items may not be redistributed.  Thank you so very much for supporting stillbirthday.  Your financial contribution will be used to maintain our domain name, purchasing and shipping business cards to prenatal care providers around the world, as well as toward retreats and other various stillbirthday activities.

If the screen says that the session has expired, stillbirthday’s contact information is: kcchristiandoula@yahoo.com and the business name is Christian Childbirth Services LLC.

Thank you, and may you be blessed.

Filed Under: all

Our Sponsors

January 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

If you provide a product or service that can benefit families impacted by pregnancy & infant loss, stillbirthday wants to know about it!

Incentives to becoming

an SBD global network sponsor

 

Advertising with stillbirthday: stillbirthday is considered a blog, which means that it has its own unique SEO features.  Similarly, as a blog, stillbirthday has easy access into various directories, aggregators, and syndication websites.  The site creator is also the site developer, so new articles are added easily and quickly.  Stillbirthday receives new stories to be added regularly, thus the site is constantly being updated and viewed for the newest content; search engines immediately index this new content, making it visible within 15 minutes of publishing.  Search engines favor frequently visited sites.  Stillbirthday has faithfully received well over 20,000 visitors every month since our opening in August, 2011 – this number has increased to 50,000 monthly since August 2012, to 75,000 since August 2013,

and our current visitor rate is 2 clicks a minute.

Our traffic and attention is huge, and it would benefit your organization or company’s message to be a part of pregnancy loss support by becoming a stillbirthday sponsor.

.

Get Started Now!

Currently all advertisement agreements are directed toward our pursuit of an online app.  Please be taken to our SBD CONNECT App page to learn how your interest in advertisement will be applied toward our desire to achieve the next step of our longterm vision.

 

 

.

[contact-form-7 404 "Not Found"]


Let’s Connect!

Stillbirthday can utilize website advertising with photo/logos held on the front page of SBD, right sidebar advertising, dollars for doulas, newsletter advertising, workshop advertising, sponsoring a student or sponsoring a workshop.  Below are some of the standards we have previously set toward these goals.

Sponsoring organizations and businesses are limited to only those that are relevant and helpful to families experiencing pregnancy or infant loss.  Examples include 3D/4D ultrasound facilities, florists, professional counselors, funeral homes, massage parlors, or site creators of various pregnancy loss support sites/blogs, including loss parents who wish to support stillbirthday financially.  All financial support is received directly by Christian Childbirth Services LLC.

I also mention your organization at our Facebook page during your advertising session.
Website advertising: photos on the main page are 115×115 pixels.   Your photo/logo will remain published for 6 months or one year from the time it is added to the site.  The price for each business photo/logo here is $100 annually, or $60 for 6 months.

Right Sidebar advertising: this location is especially visible for your logo.  Visit our dollars for doulas to learn more.

Newsletter advertising photos are 130×130.  Our newsletters provide information and resources and are generally distributed every three months.  The price for each business photo/logo is $25 per newsletter.

Workshop advertising: Heidi Faith can take any of our workshops into your local community.  If you’d like to host or sponsor a workshop in exchange for advertising, just use the contact form or visit our workshops page.

Sponsor a student: Show your community – and the world – that your business recognizes the needs of the bereaved community, and help a doula student by purchasing his or her tuition!

Sponsor a workshop: Visit our Workshop Sponsors page to learn more!

Ongoing Partnerships/Special Sponsor

We at stillbirthday enjoy long lasting business partnerships and global networking. If you’d like to establish an ongoing or semi-ongoing relationship with stillbirthday by offering a special, exclusive promotion for our graduated SBD professional doulas or chaplains, we’d love to consider you an ongoing partner/special sponsor.  This includes discounts, drop shipping and wholesale discounts, whatever works best for your business.  Your special discount agreement is explained to each SBD doula graduate (verifiable at the link) and your business logo/brand is published on the “special sponsor” section of the main page – which gives you amazing visibility from anywhere throughout stillbirthday, and, it also creates a favorable URL that appears in search engine results.

 

Giveaway/Reviews

Helpful items might include books or other resources on birth and/or bereavement, discounts on products or services either in individual locations or national chains, including: massages, manicures, therapy (specific to compassion or provider fatigue) or products that bring comfort such as candles or bath items.  Just contact the site creator, and we will see if your product is a good fit with our program.  A written review of your product will remain a permanent part of stillbirthday (held in our giveaways section).  You can link your “featured on stillbirthday” photo from your own site to the article about your item.  Contributing items does not guarantee a fully positive review, or a review at all, if the item is deemed not appropriate for stillbirthday.  The site creator reserves the right to determine the best use for giveaway items and does not receive any financial compensation for giveaway reviews.

 

Promos

Do you have a free sample of your product or can you provide a short term or one-time discount of your product or service through stillbirthday?  We want to know about it!  This is similar to the giveaway/review option.

 

In Memory Of

This is an opportunity for loss mothers or others to use a special photo or logo here to honor their precious children who’ve left earth much too soon.   You can link the photo back to your own blogsite, website, or to your story held here at stillbirthday.  This program works much the same as the paid advertising program.  Please contact the Site Creator for details.


The following businesses, professionals, and various people have supported stillbirthday. 

 

 

 

Filed Under: all

Our Mentors

January 6, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This is a list of the seasoned moms and dads of stillbirthday, who want to provide support, share their lessons, and offer a guiding hand as you prepare for the journey ahead.  This is an ever-growing list, and newest to the listing will be closest to the top (click here to return to the mentorship tab, or here to read through the complete description and guidelines).

If you are a mentee, you can read through this list, and if you feel that you would best align with one of our mentors, you can simply email them to begin your mentoring relationship.  Additional information about our mentorship program is found at the mentorship tab.

If you are interested in becoming a mentor, please join our private group and Heidi Faith will contact you as soon as possible.

 

Jen C.

JenCantrell.SBD@stillbirthday.info

…

 

 

Tracy H.

mentor.tracyh@stillbirthday.info

I lost my son at 22 weeks, for many years I traveled this road alone, not knowing anyone that had lost like I had. And then 7 years ago I started finding so many support groups on the internet, talking with others, keeping my Josh a part of my life and finding ways to remember him helped to me to find peace with my loss. I know the roller coaster of emotions and completely understand them, but I also know the blessings in life after also having my rainbow baby a year and a half after losing Josh. There is hope and life can still be happy, but first we must take the first steps in our grief. I  create memorial dolls and I am in contact with many grieving parents, I have been able to be that shoulder to cry on for the past 5 years and for me it is so rewarding, being able to actually understand how they feel is a huge deal, something I didn’t have back when I lost Josh. I’ve been a part of the baby loss internet community for over years now and I believe that by talking with others, we can all heal just a little from our loss.

 

Doran R.

mentor.doran@stillbirthday.info

Doran is a daughter of the King, wife to Daniel and mother to 6 wonderful children, earth side. She is a Certified Professional Midwife, Doula, Childbirth Educator, Speaker, Ministry Founder, Author – all serving women in her community through womanhood, especially childbirth and pregnancy. Her calling is to minister to the hearts, minds and souls of women, in all areas of their lives. She is on the board of International Christian Childbirth as well as the Regional Representative for Christian Midwives International and Commonwealth Midwives Alliance. Her ministry, Blessing God’s Way, has existed since 2001 (www.blessingGodsway.com). She feels blessed by God’s calling on her life and wants to give Him the glory, honor and praise for all she does, through the power of the Holy Spirit. She strives to be Christlike, setting an example for women of all ages.   My heart is heavy for women who have experienced loss. Loss that they might not even have known it was loss until years later. Women miscarry and oftentimes do not even know that it is a miscarry, but mistake a miscarry with a heavy period or period that was just “different”. I have suffered a loss, when I wasn’t aware it was a loss. Looking back, I know that many women experience this, and then have to deal with what it is like to have lost a loved one, without knowing it was a loved one at the time. There is healing even in this situation – and I want to minister to women who this may have happened to.

 

Maggie S.

mentor.maggie@stillbirthday.info

Maggie is a loss mom to a daughter and 2 angels. She found out at 20 weeks that her second daughter, Makayla, had a fatal diagnosis and she and her husband made the heartbreaking choice to induce and say goodbye. 6 months later Maggie found out she was pregnant with a rainbow baby but shortly after had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. With one living child and having plenty of years ahead, Maggie is optomistic and enjoys the time with her husband and living daughter, Kaydence. If you have experienced electing guilt, fatal diagnosis, or an early miscarriage, Maggie may be the right mentor for you.

 

Theresa W.

mentor.theresa@stillbirthday.info

Theresa is a loss mama. Her baby was diagnosed with a lethal genetic condition at her 18 week growth ultrasound. She wants you to know that she knows the pain, guilt, and utter heart breaking love that accompanies this time, and that she is here for you.  If you have endured the struggle of a fatal diagnosis, or if you simply want companionship and validation, Theresa would be a great mentoring match for you.

 

Loren C.

tinytoes@stillbirthday.info

Loren is a single mum of 3 children, including her “Baby Jeff” who was born by miscarriage at seven weeks gestation, and her “rainbow” baby, Arthur.  Loren says that her own mother, who passed away six months before she lost Baby Jeff,  is probably “chuffed to babysit for a few years”.  Loren is the first international coordinator of a stillbirthday Love Cupboard, and she created a private online support group with a matching name, for grieving mothers.  If you are a single mother, if you lost another family member near the time your baby died, if you are looking to find inspiration or even joy in your grief, Loren would be a great mentoring match for you.

Jennifer S.

mentor.jennifers@stillbirthday.info

Jennifer lost her son’s twin Angel at 14 weeks.  She was not given a medical reason for the loss.  Jennifer is a LPN and is in school to recieve her BA in Nutrition.  Jennifer says that she still struggles with her loss but knows that God’s Grace will help her through.  If you have experienced the loss of a multiple, have not recieved medical answers, are trying to find God’s peace in your loss, or would just like someone to talk with about your experience, Jennifer would be a great mentoring match for you.

Karen S.

mentor.karens@stillbirthday.info

On June 2, 2004 Karen gave birth to her second daughter, Marie Claire. She was stillborn at full term after a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy with no indication anything was wrong. After she was delivered via c-section Karen discovered she had a complete placental abruption, subsequently had internal bleeding and almost died. She has since had another child – a son. Karen recognizes that a pregnancy after a loss is a whole experience unto itself.  Karen received excellent counseling to help her through her grief, and she and her husband took years to allow themselves to heal and today have a happy intact family that is forever shaped and blessed by their daughter. Karen points out that the divorce rate for families that lose a child of any age is extremely high, and that she and her husband have been blessed to be guided by many who had walked the path of childloss before them and who were able to walk with them so they were not alone, and that Karen and her husband would gladly do the same for others.  If you have given birth to your stillborn baby via Cesarean birth, if you have or are considering conceiving again, if you are experiencing challenges to your marriage, Karen would be a great mentoring match for you.

Tracy S.

mentor.tracys@stillbirthday.info

Tracy is a mum to 4 gorgeous babies; 3 here on earth and her son Morgan, who was born at 30 weeks sleeping due to the cord being wrapped around his leg and stopping the oxygen to his body.  Two days after hearing the news, she gave birth to her little angel weighing 3lb 7oz.   She has had 2 subsequent childeren.  It hasn’t been easy but her children have helped her through it all.   Tracy would like to help and support other people in a similar situation.  If you’d like to be encouraged and reminded that you are not alone, Tracy would be a great mentoring match for you.

Kelly P.

mentor.kellyp@stillbirthday.info

Kelly is mom to four children, including her daughter Bella, who was stillborn in August 2010, and her “rainbow” baby.   Kelly is a kind hearted, supportive person who likes to put others before herself.  She has found continuous support from online groups and her main circle of friends are that of Angel mums, who support and love each other. Kelly is a good listener and always ready to help guide and support a newly bereaved parent in their grief. Kelly recently did a radio interview sharing her journey with Bella.  Keeping Bella close and keeping her memory alive helps Kelly in her continuous journey to healing.  If you are looking for special ways to honor your deceased baby, validate his or her life, and remember the child that is yours, or if you are simply looking for fellowship with another mother who has walked this path you find yourself on, Kelly would be a great mentoring match for you.

Jaime G.

mentor.jaime@stillbirthday.info

Jaime is mom to 6 children, beginning her fertility with an early miscarriage, followed by having two living children, and including her daughter Sydney who was born at 20 weeks due to unexpected incompetent cervix in February 2009.  Sydney lived for two hours and then passed away in her mother’s arms.  After Sydney, Jaime experienced another early miscarriage, and then her youngest was born at 31 weeks and spent 9 weeks in the NICU.  If you are seeking support through the NICU experience, if your grief has been compounded because of the NICU experience, if you began your fertility with a pregnancy loss, if you experienced a sudden and unexpected full term loss, or if you ended your fertility with a rainbow baby, Jaime would be a great mentoring match for you.

Travis J.

mentor.travis@stillbirthday.info

Travis is a husband, father, and follower of Christ.  After 5 years of fertility struggles, he and his wife learned that they would be expecting their first child. At 12 1/2 weeks they learned of complications for their little boy.  Hudson Parker was stillborn in January 2010, at 26 weeks, due to lower bladder obstruction. Fourteen months later their daughter, Presley Kate, was born after a second IVF procedure.  Travis is a Licensed Professional Counselor who works full-time for an adoption and foster care agency, and he also has a private practice, Aspire Family Counseling.  Travis’ passion for strong families, being a facilitator for healing, growth and change, and for providing hope drives him to serve others.

 

Linea G.

beyondbirth@stillbirthday.info

Linea is a certified birth doula (DONA) and a bereavement doula. She and her husband  have 2 boys in heaven.  Noah was stillborn at 25 weeks in January 2007 and Jack at 17 weeks in March 2009. She homeschools their 11 yr old son and 8 yr old daughter. She and her husband have been married for 13 years and have grown so much closer since Noah went to heaven.  If you are seeking ways to continue the day to day obligations and responsibilities of life after loss, and finding purpose and pleasure in life after loss, Linea would be a great mentoring match for you.

Katie B.

mentor.katieb@stillbirthday.info

Katie’s loss was in February of 2006.  Although Evan was developing normally, there was an apparent problem with the placenta that caused preterm premature rupture of membranes in her 19th week of pregnancy.  Several days of waiting for labor to start was followed by a traumatic 18 hour labor to deliver her tiny little boy.  Later Katie went on to carry to term a beautiful and healthy baby boy who is now 4 years old.   She believes that emotional and spiritual healing from this kind of loss is ongoing and not always linear, but she has found many wonderful resources and sources of support.  Katie says that we are part of a club no one would ever wish to be in, but since we are in it, she believes that the best thing to do is lift each other up.  Particularly if you’ve struggled with PTSD or something similar, or if part of your story involves being in a troubled relationship or single parenthood, Katie would be a great mentoring match for you.

Hope W.

mentor.hope@stillbirthday.info

Hope is a mother of 4 and a SAHM to her two living children.  Hope says, “I have faced tragedy, been blessed tremendously, & broken beautifully. I long for the day when I will be reunited with Zoe & Addie in Heaven…My heart is to bring comfort, peace, and little bit of healing as I reach out to others and share all God has done in my life during the seasons of love & loss I have experienced thus far.” Zoe Elizabeth was stillborn at 20 wks gestation and Addie Kate had Turner’s Syndrome and miscarried at 8 weeks gestation.  Hope has a double MTHFR gene mutation and Factor V Leiden.    Hope is the co-creator of Grief Journeys.  If you have genetic factors such as a blood clotting disorder, if you are facing a difficult diagnosis, or are simply trying to make sense of your loss, Hope would be a great mentoring match for you.

 

Mel F.

mentor.mel@stillbirthday.info

Mel is a Uk based Mum to three. Her first baby was lost in an early miscarriage in 2008, then Finley John was born in August 2009. He died during labour and an emergency Cesarean failed to save him in time.  Mel went on to have a beautiful little girl who is now 17 months old. Mel is an Occupational Therapist, Coach, Teacher and Writer.  If you would like to be challenged to explore ways that you can turn your loss into something meaningful in a positive way to you and helpful to others, or if you have had an emergency Cesarean birth, Mel would be a great mentoring match for you.

Kristie L.

mentor.kristie@stillbirthday.info

Kristie is a mom to 10 children, including four miscarried babies, a daughter born sleeping at 40 weeks, and a rainbow baby born a year after her daughter died.  During her pregnancy with Harper, Kristie felt less movement at 37 weeks but ascribed it to baby Harper running out of room; when she arrived for her scheduled Cesarean birth, however, she discovered that there was no heartbeat.  When Harper was born it was discovered that she had a true knot.  Additionally, Kristie recalls that the OB did not follow standard protocol.  There are so many emotions and feelings that go  along with the death of a child and talking to someone who has been through it is so helpful.  Kristie also began a ministry after her daughter died called Harpers Hands, making quilt squares for parents to put the hand or footprints of their babies on, along with other items to help families deal with the death of their child.   Since Kristie already had 4 children at home when her daughter died, she has experience with helping children deal with the loss of their sibling.

Lilly J.

mentor.lilly@stillbirthday.info

Lilly is a momma to 5 babies.  Her number 4 and 5 were twins, fraternal girls named Brooklynn and Isabella.  Isabella was born still at 22 weeks due to my preeclampsia and her sister Brooklynn was born at 32 weeks fighting for her life.  Brooklynn is now three, and she misses her sister and still carry her in her heart today.  Lilly’s pregnancy and loss with her twins was what brought her to the birth community, and Lilly works in all birth situations, including adoption, as well as offering stillbirthday pregnancy loss doula support.  Lilly understands that she can be there for someone even if its just holding their hand.  Particularly if you have had a muliples loss, or if you just are looking for a compassionate friend to let you know that you are not alone, Lilly would be a great mentoring match for you.

Amanda H.

mentor.amandah@stillbirthday.info

Amanda is a young Christian mother of 2 children, including her first son, Devin, who was born 2 years ago.  Devin was born still at 39 weeks, following a perfectly healthy pregnancy, due to severe preeclampsia and a cord accident.  Amanda has always believed in God but it was losing her son that truly developed her relationship with Him.  She also has a 6 month old boy who was born a year and a half after she lost Devin.   Amanda currently stays at home raising her youngest son, and has plans to return to school in the near future.  If you are seeking to find God’s plan in your loss, or if you sense an invitation to deepen your relationship with Him, if you are pregnant again after a loss, or if you struggle to make sense of having and raising children after loss, Amanda would be a great mentoring match for you.

Steve B.

mentor.steveb@stillbirthday.info

Steve is chaplain at Caldwell Hospice and Palliative Care in Lenoir, NC. Steve is a native of Chicago and has been a campus minister in Illinois, Ohio, and Wisconsin. He is also a former college soccer coach and grandfather to Jamie, Raelin, Meagan, and Logan in addition to Alexandra who died shortly after birth in 2004 . Steve loves golf and working on his family tree.

 

 

 

Paul S.

 

Paul is married and the dad of 9 children, including a son, TJ, who died in November 2010 from Rhino Virus and Adeno Virus.  For over 20 years he has worked with children and families, including youth, gender specific work, mental health care including housing project assistance, residential care for 7 – 19 year olds, youth justice, adolescent response team, generic social work, and child protection.  He holds qualifications in all of these areas.  He has many hobbies, is a self employed researcher and is the administrator of several online support groups for fathers.

Lauren M.

mentor.laurenm@stillbirthday.info

Lauren is a Christian, a wife and mom of 6 children, including two miscarried babies, one of whom she miscarried as a teen.  Lauren has experience with feeling violated and decieved during her teen miscarriage experience, and offers a unique perspective of experiencing pregnancy loss as a teenager.  Similarly, Lauren has experience in the challenges mothers face who grieve miscarried children from previous relationships.  Lauren has mentored several of her friends through pregnancy loss as well.  In addition, Lauren has experience with complicated diagnoses in her surviving children including ADD and Hydronephrosis.  If you are a teen, if you have complicated diagnoses or situations surrounding your pregnancy loss, or if you have experienced loss both prior to and with your current spouse, Lauren would be a great mentoring match for you.

Pete B.

mentor.pete@stillbirthday.info

Pete is the father of three children, including one stillborn son.  Pete has been an “Angel Daddy” now for just over 5 years to his son, Ben, who passed away on September 19th 2006 at full term.  Pete is an uncle to 4 “stillbirth angels” and 2 “cot death angels”.  If you struggle with how to cope or share your experience or feelings surrounding the death of your child, Pete would be a great mentoring match for you.

Marcy B.

mentor.marcy@stillbirthday.info

Marcy is a stay at home mom, hairstylist and doula, including a stillbirthday doula serving in Canada.   She experienced a miscarriage, and through her healing process she has realized the need of support to families who have been through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss; those who have been through the unimaginable.  If you have experienced a miscarriage, or if you are searching for ways to use your experience to help others, Marcy would be a great mentoring match for you.

Teresia S.

mentor.teresia@stillbirthday.info

Teresia is a wife and mother of 9 children, including 3 babies born by miscarriage and a daughter who died in the second trimester due to Turner’s Syndrome.  Teresia is Christian, and has particular experience with praying through grief.  Teresia also has experience with working through the many emotions brought on by multiple miscarriages, experiencing a second trimester loss, and the reactions of receiving a diagnosis for the cause of death.  If you have experienced any of these things, Teresia would be a great mentoring match for you.

 

MaryBeth N.

mentor.marybeth@stillbirthday.info

MaryBeth is a wife and mother of 4 children, including her firstborn, a daughter, who was born stillborn due to a true knot in her cord, and a son who died unexpectedly at 8 years old.  MaryBeth has particular experience in feeling the many profound feelings that only come from losing your first child.  MaryBeth also has particular experience in facing the challenging road of holding accountability without condemnation for those who played an integral part in the death of her oldest son.  If you are facing the obstacles of holding someone accountable for the death of your child, but seek to do so in a moral and upright way, or if you’ve experienced a firstborn death, MaryBeth would be a great mentoring match for you.

Lisa W.

mentor.lisaw@stillbirthday.info

Lisa is a wife and mother of 4 children, including one infant loss and one miscarriage.  Lisa has particular experience in allowing infant loss to totally transform her life into something much more enriching than she would have allowed herself to experience otherwise.  Lisa has temporarily traded in her professional career to remain at home and spend the last years of her children’s upbringing at home with them.  If you feel that your loss experience is pulling you in a totally new direction, Lisa would be a great mentoring match for you.

Liz P.

mentor.liz@stillbirthay.com

Liz is a wife and mother of 7 children, including her stillborn daughter, Aquila.  Liz has particular experience in working through the challenging dichotomy of holding her midwife professionally accountable for the negligence that directly led to the death of her daughter, but also of allowing her personal forgiveness and releasing the many strong emotions that Liz has worked through.  Additionally Liz has particular experience in the struggle to understand the difference between God’s will regarding infant death, and God’s plan for good, for everyone involved, despite events that are far outside of His will.  If you face a lot of mixed responses to your loss, particularly from those who claim to know that your baby’s death was God’s will, or was someone’s fault, Liz would be a great mentoring match for you.

Heidi Faith

heidi.faith@stillbirthday.info

Heidi is a wife and the mother of 5 children, including her baby who was born via natural miscarriage at 12 weeks.  She is Christian, and while her loss challenged her faith, it ultimately served to strengthen it.   She has particular experience with working through guilt, crisis of faith, forgiveness of others, and finding thankfulness in the journey.

Filed Under: all

Protected: Hunter’s Brave Heart

January 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Filed Under: 19 weeks

Older Baby Momentos

January 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Please see our momento list for younger babies as well.  Click here to return to our Farewell Celebrations.

Especially for Fathers & Siblings

Especially Regarding Pictures

Filed Under: all

Momentos {& Cultural Keepsakes}

January 3, 2012 by 1 Comment

These are gift ideas and tangible momentos for you to keep, as well as cultural/faith diversity items that pertain to subjects within birth and bereavement.

Please visit our Farewell Celebrations for even more ideas, including things like burial planning, and visit our Connections link for other ways you can get involved in honor of your baby.

We also have a momento list for older babies.

Just click here to see the momento list for older babies as well.

Special items that either represent
or resemble your baby

Especially Regarding Pictures

Especially for Fathers

  • Birth Verse (bracelets and keyrings)
  • The jewelry links at our Farewell Celebrations section has jewelry ideas that can be converted to pendants, key chains, or “dog tag” style items, that can include either the name of the baby or the baby’s birth stone.
  • A special tattoo.
  • Naming a star after your baby, and you could buy him a telescope as well.
  • A special stone for the yard or as a keepsake in the house: Treasure Beans or Living Rocks or Alphabet Pebbles.
  • Baby Boards by Misty are durable and simple
  • Stillbirthday Fathers may be uncomfortable with the idea of keeping a momento of the baby, but would like to honor his baby in some way.  Go to our online shop, where you can access things like our logo coffee mugs and HeBrews Coffee.  You can order a bag of coffee for him to enjoy, and add the “contribute to stillbirthday” option, which adds $1 to your order, to help support stillbirthday.

 

Especially for Siblings

Red-Viewer

 

Special items specific to unique culture, faith or other traditions:

Please visit our Long Term Healing for support specific to various diversity groups.

Books

 “If you are very still and your eyes are shut you will feel someone close to you and it’s your guardian angel.” German Angel Blessing

Resources by Location:

 

More Resources:

Please visit our Farewell Celebrations for even more ideas of things you can do and ways you can encourage others.

Filed Under: all
« Previous Page
Next Page »

The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.