Told by: Anne

I was almost 42wks (43 by our calendar – which my O.B. viewed more accurate) then we had a NST and Felix base HR stayed low and my midwife said if I was 4cm when she checked me she’d take me down to break my water. I was 1cm and my cervix was really posterior so she debated what to do because they didn’t want to induce and knew I didn’t either. She kindly looked at me and said “go home to whatever natural things you can to go into labor by this weekend.”

We got red raspberry tea, pulsitilla, pineapple, I was walking like a maniac, got a chiropractic adjustment, and called my acupuncturist – he couldn’t get me in that night but could Friday so if I wasn’t having steady contractions to call him. With hours of all of this into the night I didn’t even have a contraction (I had been having off and on pretty hard for a little over a week but not that night)! So Friday morning we called and headed to the acupuncturist and got there about 1:30. He was so great and was like “let’s get this baby out!” We left about 3 and by 4 I was having some hard contractions; I didn’t think I could sit in the car for the ride home. My hubs was like “Oh these are definitely the realy thing!”

By 5pm I was soaking in the tub (at my parents- big jacuzzi) and pretty much stayed there. They were really long and intense. I got out around 9 cause I felt the need to walk. Our 3yr old was funny watching me have contractions (at one point I was a bit louder then I thought and he jumped on the bed yelling “Daddy, Minimaw, Oh no Momma’s DYING!!”

We all laughed and explained I wasn’t then I decided to get back in the tub. My contractions started to space out again to 10min apart. I was so bummed and my hubs decided to make sure our house was tidy so he ran home. Within 30 min I was calling him to come back my contractions were 5min apart and I didn’t feel I could handle alone. Called my SBD affiliated doula and once my husband was back we got ready and headed to the hospital.

Full moon night and triage was almost full,  the birthing center rooms were, the regular floor almost was and they had one birth tub left. Our nurse told us that they called in a whole 1/2 shift of nurses for backup they had so many laboring moms and she was one of them!

As women came in the nurses greeted them with “Welcome to the Full Moon”.

She hooked me up to the EFM to make sure Felix’s HR was staying up and it was beautifully. She checked and I was 5cm and 90% effaced! WHOO HOO! She went out to do a couple things then came back and said a laboring mom was getting transferred from the birthing center so if I wanted to wait 30min they could have it all ready for me! Heck yeah I’d wait!

I labored in triage which was more amusing then anything but I could tell that my contractions were getting closer. My doula laughingly said that I was too happy and needed to get to the pain to get this boy out. Finally the nurse came back and said we could head to our room. YAY birth tub was all I was thinking! I was happy to discover it was the same room we had our firstborn in.

By the time we walked around the corner I stepped in the room and grabbed the wall with a contraction. It was so intense I couldn’t move. It stopped and we were all laughing again and discovered the birth tub hadn’t been put back together (just some pieces from the jets were soaking) so our nurse had to get a couple nurses to come put it back together so we could start it running since it took a bit and I was NEEDING that tub! She put my I.V. in – I had tested positive for Group B Strep. and stepped out again. Another contraction and I was sweating only to realize she put the I.V. in whileI still had my long sleeve shirt on so I was like crap! My hubs grandmother arrived then too (my mom had our oldest and my husbands grandmother had never been a part of a fully natural birth so she was really excited and honestly was a comic relief through it all cause she would nervously chat when it got quiet!). The 5th contraction after the I.V. I literally fell to the floor hands and knees and yelled “I gotta push!” My doula jumped up and yelled “nurse get Kat” (my awesome midwife) she flew out of there and Kat ran in threw a sheet on the floor and said “we can do it here just take your pants off and lets go!” I was like “what?!”and laughed! Kat asked why I wasn’t in the tub and we explained it wasn’t full yet. She was like “well let’s get you in and it’ll at least be more comfortable as it fills.”

She had the nurse undo my I.V. and I finally got that hot shirt off! The tub felt amazing, but I kept going back to my 1st sons birth which was 53hrs and thinking I couldn’t do these intense contraction for 9hrs like his. I kept telling everyone I wasn’t going to go through I couldn’t do it and they’d say “you are just keep going.” Kat never was able to check me so I was like “wait how far am I? Am I going to tear because I don’t know if I’m 10cm yet?” She just laughed and was so sweet. If my body was saying push it was ready.

After a few pushes in the tub my mind drifted to a very dark place ( I thought I had processed through as best I could the loss of Oliver) I instantly was going through every detail of pushing Oliver’s lifeless body out and holding our lifeless son. My heart started to feel squeezed. What if something happened while I was pushing and I push out another dead baby. Is he even still alive now? I couldn’t do this again. I officially told myself I wasn’t going to push anymore. I was done, I wasn’t going through with anymore. He would just stay inside where I had known him to be. My contractions stopped. They were 10min apart and I wasn’t pushing. I rolled myslf over to float and laid my head on the towel on the side of the tub (my husband held me) and I fell asleep. I felt so done.

My husband said when the clock hit 13min he was about to ask me if I was alive and I jumped up and pushed with all my might. I felt this huge hit and drop and swore it was his head. After the contraction I was like “NOTHING CAME OUT” Kat laughed no honey nothing came out. I was mad, and depressed. Next contractions I pushed as hard as I could BAM his head, then again his body!! Kat said she had never seen water breaking to full baby out that fast in all her years of birthing!  I picked him up and just cried!

They let me just sit in the tub and just hold relax and love on him! He was beautiful! The whole room was crying! I couldn’t believe I did it!  Zachary’s grandmother in the quiet “Well they sure do birth babies differently then the way they used to” We just cracked up!! Love her! Felix is such a great baby too. Nursing well and couldn’t care less about his loud and crazy brother!  He started breathing oddly and found out he has laryngomalacia which is not been fun and we are praying doesn’t get any worse, but no matter what he has already been so wonderful to have. I’ve had some emotional days wishing our family was actually all together and still feeling torn between two worlds but I don’t think I will ever lose that feeling since we will be two worlds apart until death unites us. Hope you enjoy our story and pictures!