(go back to Long Term Healing/Perspectives)

Reasons why it may be challenging:

• You may revisit some grief while trying to conceive.  “I’ll love this one better” (bargaining), intense fear of the pregnancy until reaching certain milestones like hearing the heartbeat or feeling the baby kicking (could be an aspect of denial).

Reasons why it may be beneficial:

• Your next baby, as an adult, might learn from you that you had once lost a baby, their older sibling, and know  that you may have considered not trying again, and the decision to try, and to conceive that child, may be significant to him or her.

(go back to Farewell Celebrations)

Have you chosen a name for your baby?

Marking your baby’s name in or on something significant or special can help solidify to you the very real life of your baby, and that even if he or she didn’t get to touch the world with their fingers, he or she did get to leave their mark on the world in a positive, unique way.

It can be something simple, or something more elaborate.

Here are some ideas for marking your baby’s name:

• Stillbirthday Cakes
• Name in Sand
• Butterfly Beach
• Name on a brick at a children’s farmstead
• Name on the Sidewalk
• Name in Stone
• Writing on the Wall (Baby Boards by Misty)
• Jewel Made (Angel Signs)
• Name on Flower Petals

Telling your story, your baby’s story, can be very special and very healing:

• you can share your story here, by just writing it out and we’ll post it
• you can begin your own online journal right here at stillbirthday, where you can share ongoing updates of your grief journey.  We call it, Still Parenting.
• you can share your baby’s special days with us here
• numbers or verses associated with your baby’s special days
• you can start a blog in your baby’s honor, and share your blog with us

A couple of tips about blogging for your baby:

• Blogger and WordPress are both free.  Blogger is easy to format and can become very personalized very quickly.
• Franchesca from Small Bird Studios is a very talented blog designer who experienced infant loss.  Her story and website is at Small Bird Studios.
• We have a “blog button” you can add to your site.
• We have a blog roll.
• “The Cutest Blog on the Block” offers free items for blogs, too.

More that includes details of your baby:

• Keepsakes that include a resemblance of your baby
• Photography Keepsakes

(go back to Farewell Celebrations)

These are some things to consider when planning a cemetary burial for your baby:

• visitation at hospital or home only
• visitation at funeral home
• preparing for a funeral
• hiring an SBD Chaplain
• cremation (at hospital, or at funeral home)
• casket purchase and clothing information
• photography (please see “Find Professionals/Volunteers“)
• speaking, sermons, poems
• music
• adding any of the ideas listed in Farewell Celebrations to the funeral
• selecting a headstone

(go back to Farewell Celebrations)

Burying your baby who was born not alive, in a place other than an official cemetary, may be a choice for you, if in compliance with your local laws.

Contacting your local funeral homes, vital statistics or registrars offices may provide some insight into your legal options.  This part of the journey can seem very overwhelming.  It’s OK to ask a lot of questions and to ask other people in other departments for clarification.

It is very important to know what your local laws are regarding infant burial of any age.

Legal information (by state):

• SHARE – Legislative Action
• Adam’s Song – State Listing (seems to have been taken down)
• Natural Cemetaries by state
• Local Department of Health Services & Vital Statistics Offices

Other tips:

• Consider hiring an SBD Chaplain, who can help navigate this journey with you.
• Understand Green Burial and your rights and options by location.
• Know your laws.  This is repeated here again from above, for your own benefit.  While researching laws, you may encounter resources that can provide financial or other assistance that might otherwise seem a factor in your journey.
• Learn key words.  Fetal remains disposition and parental rights of sepulcher and embalming/refrigeration requirements and  understanding the difference between state law and local hospital policy are important places to research.  Regarding refrigeration, seek specifically the timeframe required after time of birth (embalming is not required), the temperature involved, and what options you might safely utilize to make this happen in  your unique circumstances.  It may seem impossible to learn these things in the timeframe you have and in the emotions you may be experiencing.  Go slow.  Ask those helping you to repeat themselves.  Seek more support.  You are not alone.
• Consider the place of burial.  Burying your baby in your backyard may prove to become an issue if you move to a new home at a later time.
• Dig deep, below the frost line.  This could be up to 6 feet deep, or at least 3 feet deep with the use of mulch or compost surrounding your baby.
• Before digging, make sure there are no underground electric wires or gas lines.
• Consider placing a metal object between where your baby is layed and the ground surface, so that a metal detector may warn others in the future to be careful digging in that area.

Purchasing special burial items.  Here are a couple of ideas:

• Our Funeral information page can have more information.
• Placenta burial may be a special option for you.
• Heaven’s Gain offers caskets for all stages of pregnancy, and other items, including saline containers.
• Trappist Caskets offers caskets for stillbirth and infant loss.
• Calvin’s Hats has hand made hats for miscarried and stillborn babies of all sizes.
• HAIN offers memory boxes, caskets, and burial clothes.
• Elizabeth Ministry offers various special items.
• Grief Watch has various special items, including a twin urn.
• Our Farewell Celebrations section has information for special cultural considerations for burial items, and funeral, cremation or other financial support (in the official funeral section).
• Our local listings of bereavement resources might have organizations offering funeral, cremation or other financial support.

(back to Birth Plans, back to Birth Education)

There are various ways to help facilitate some change in the progress of labor.  Many are listed here, in order from least interventive (“natural”) to more interventive (“medical”).  Please know that many “natural” techniques are not scientifically proven and/or their effectiveness may be in conjunction with dangerous side effects.  Please discuss all “natural” options with your care provider (OB or midwife), whether or not your doula is versed on the topic or not, including exactly how to prepare or present the option.  We also note in our early at-home birth plan, that it is possible to experience what we refer to here at stillbirthday as “early pregnancy prodromal labor” – your labor may or may not start and stop, unexpectedly.  It is also, enormously important for you to know, for your emotional well being, that even if a “natural” option might help in the augmentation of labor, this does not mean that it caused your loss.  These options are listed here because it has been noted by other mothers, that once the birthing process has already begun, these options have been reported by them as being in some way helpful.

Please utilize any of the many emotional support resources we have available at stillbirthday, as well as our more customized emotional and practical support based on the type of loss you are experiencing.

Please visit our During Birth support resources.

External

• walking, lunging, singing, praying/meditating (entering into a safe physical place to do so), relaxing, car ride,  oxytocin release (doula can support), massage, effleurage, brushing teeth, hydrotherapy, various “yoga” type positions (doula can support), chiropractic care, herbal bath: yarrow, sage, oregano and nettle.

External – More Intensive

• nipple stimulation, accupressure/puncture
• possible essential oils under the guidance of a professional certified in their use

Internal

• raspberry leaf tea, Lady’s Mantle, wine of ergot (spurred rye), eggplant parmesan, oregano, pineapples, spicy foods, “labor cookies“, intercourse, coffee or other stimulants
• Spatone, chlorophyll, Floradix, hemoplex, spirulina, alfalfa, red clover or nettle can help restore iron drained through blood loss.
• deep reflection into possibilities of emotional dystocia: prayer, meditation, reflection, permission to heal

Internal – More Intensive

• cohoshes, primrose, fresh parsley, castor oil/enema, cotton root bark, angelica, pennyroyal (please see this external article regarding herbal augmentation) , vodka (some believe that any alcohol, however, can actually stall labor.  Again, all of these “natural” methods need to be discussed with your provider.)

Medical

• vaginal exams, stripping membranes, cervical ripening agents (Misoprostil), Foley bulb (see Artificial Induction birth method for information on Misoprostil, Foley and other augmentation options)

Medical – More Intensive

• cytotec, Pitocin, forceps/vacuum/episiotomy, planned Cesarean, emergency Cesarean (see Full Term Birth Plan for information on these options)
• in early pregnancy, D&C

Turning Breech Baby

• External: hands and knees position, using sound, using a small flashlight, using warmth at your lower pelvic area and cold cloth nearer to the top of your fundus.
• External – More Intensive:  ECV {external cephalic version}
• Internal: Pulsatilla

Please visit our During Birth support resources.