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I Waited, I Died, I am Healing

August 29, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Told by: Judy

I tried to get pregnant for several years.

I carried twins for 4 1/2 months by in vitro fertilization and lost them.

I carried their lifeless bodies inside me for 2 weeks after knowing they were gone since my doctor was traveling overseas. I did not feel comfortable to have any other doctor take them from me so I waited. A few local hospitals kept calling me constantly for a full year asking if I was interested in their baby wellness program. I lived the horror of their deaths every time I received those calls. I kept telling the hospitals what happened but they continued to call…I felt dead inside for years.

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Filed Under: 18 weeks, 19 weeks, 20 weeks, All Multiples, Ending Fertility in Loss & TTC Challenges, Loss after ART

Their Little Big Sisters

June 26, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Told by: Joni

We conceived triplets after just one round of fertility treatment.

We were completely shocked yet over the moon with excitement.

I only knew I was growing bigger than a barn, I am only 5’1″ tall, needless to say, I got rather big fast.

All we knew at the time was I had 3 babies and they were all in separate sacks; fraternal triplets. I went into labor at 20 weeks , two of the babies switched places causing their cords to entwine.

I gave birth to fraternal triplet girls on February 3, 1987. It was the most devastating thing we have ever endured in our lifetime.

We had a son in 1991 and another daughter in 1994, they are the best therapy we could have ever asked for, although we have had many challenges with our daughter who has many learning delays and moderate autism.

She graduated from high school last month with school honors.

 

Filed Under: 20 weeks, all, All Multiples, Loss after ART, Prior to the 1990's

When the World Stood Still

May 21, 2013 by 1 Comment

Shared by: Charlotte

My baby is Jayden.  My twin sister was carrying him for me.

We had been trying for a baby for so long and when my twin sister became pregnant she told me she didn’t want the baby.  I desperately wanted one, so we had decided it was going to be carried in her,and I was going to bring him up as my own.

I tried to make my twin sister stay with me while she was pregnant with my Jayden as I was afraid her life wasn’t going well.   She had all she needed but I am still sure she didn’t look after Jayden while in her womb. I got the phone call that she had gone into labor.  I was nervous.  I was very on edge.   All she said was  that the ambulance had come for her. I rang her again very soon after we had last spoken, and the next words she said broke my heart.  My whole world collapsed when she said “the baby is dead”.

I screamed and screamed and shivered and it felt like the world stood still.

My Jayden, my beautiful Jayden.  I just wanted to see him, to hear him cry, to hold him tight.  I would have given him an amazing life.

I saw him and held him.  I didn’t want them to take him.  They layed him next to me.  I kissed his nose – it was still warm.  I kissed his cheek so softly.  His skin was so soft.

When I got to the hospital my twin who was the birth mother wanted to just leave.   She didn’t seem like she had any feelings at that time.  I now know she was using drugs while pregnant with my baby.   This is why my baby died, it was because of her neglect and drug use that my beautiful baby died.  We didn’t know she was pregnant until she was 3 months along.  She wouldn’t have an abortion.   She said she was doing well and hadn’t used any drugs for a while and was clean.  The pregnancy was traumatic to say the least.  I tried to keep her at my home and love her and Jayden but she would keep running away.  I tried will all my strength to get her to keep him safe inside her but other than locking her up what more could I do?

I keep feeling so angry toward her but it isn’t going to bring back Jayden so I keep praying to God for her, myself and my husband.   My husband and I dedicated Jayden to God, this all happened last night I am still in shock but I pray that I can find a way through this pain.

xxx Jayden xxx too good for this world x

Filed Under: Loss after ART, Loss after Rape or Abuse

Protected: The Meaning of Baby Kisses

August 25, 2012 by 4 Comments

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Filed Under: 20 weeks, 21 weeks, 22 weeks, All Multiples, Dads, Live Miscarriage, Loss after ART

The Art of ART

August 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The Maple is a very large, shady tree.  If its seeds are implanted too near the mother tree, they will be overshadowed and will not grow.

In God’s perfect, creative design, the Maple produces seeds in a way that overcomes this obstacle to their fertility.

The Maple seed has a complex design, falling only when dry enough to flutter in the wind, making the veins of the dried wing carry it far enough away from the mother to best ensure its survival.

But as beautiful as the fall is, the creative design and structure of the seed is not the only factor that is involved in Maple reproduction.  While a Maple can release hundreds of thousands of spinning seeds each year, the health of the tree – and of the seeds – is based on factors other than the tree itself.

Every season, every year, the Maple has a different reproductive potential, which is based on factors such as the previous winter, amount of rain during the spring, and strength of the wind in the late summer – the strongest wind carries the seeds the furthest.

Isn’t our own fertility so similar?  Our ability to procreate isn’t just about ourselves.  Factors larger than us are involved, factors from seasons past, and in our current season.  The cold, dark winter that appears lifeless holds potential for the future.  The messy, brown, mascara and tear stained cheeks of the spring season when it appears as if the prayers will never be answered.  The dry, brittle summer and the seemingly unfriendly gusts of wind.  They all play an instrumental role in establishing just the right environment for the seed to grow.

If you are a parent, or an aspiring parent, utilizing the God-inspired technology of ART, you may more than most feel a bit like the Maple.

It is my gentle hope that you can discover beauty and marvel at the mystery of the journey.

 

 

Filed Under: all, Beyond Words (art/photos), Loss after ART

Protected: Missing His Sister

March 2, 2012 by 1 Comment

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Filed Under: 18 weeks, All Multiples, Loss after ART

Protected: Still Holding Hope

February 19, 2012 by 2 Comments

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Filed Under: 18 weeks, 34 weeks, Loss after ART

Protected: The Endurance of Love

February 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

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Filed Under: 08 weeks, All Multiples, Infertility / Recurrent Loss, Loss after ART

Protected: Loss and Blessings

January 28, 2012 by 1 Comment

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Filed Under: 05 weeks, 06 weeks, 09 weeks, 10 weeks, All Multiples, Getting Pregnant Again, Loss after ART

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