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The Nestle Boycott

October 31, 2012 by Leave a Comment

International Nestle Free week is October 29 – November 4, 2012.

The boycott is an attempt to put pressure on Nestle executives from ceasing their marketing strategies of infant formula by using strategies that violate international standards, failing to act to end child slavery, failing to source sustainable palm oil and thus destroying the Indonesian rainforest, refusing to recognize court rulings in the Philippines over worker rights, and neglecting to include warnings and labels that meet the World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines regarding safe handling of the infant formula they market globally in already challenged countries (source).  Their “Fairtrade” guise only serves to mock the urgency and importance of the dangers to life and livelihood they inflict.

In these and more ways, Nestle is putting infants at risk of sickness and death, on a global scale.

Here is a list of brands marketed through Nestle.

 

Filed Under: Outside Insight / P.R., SBD News Team

Hurricane Sandy vs. NICU

October 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

At New York University Tisch Hospital, the backup generator failed, as the storm called Hurricane Sandy hit.

This lower Manhattan hospital was quickly lined outside with ambulances, transporting 200 patients to other facilities.

Without power, patients were manually carried down several flights of stairs.

The twenty or more NICU babies were carefully carried down nine flights of stairs while simultaneously and manually being provided respiration by NICU nurses through the power outtage.

These diligent NICU nurses forged through the onslaught of the gusty storm.  While shielding these precious children through the ferocity of the violent storm, they simultaneously provided the delicate and life saving respiration each baby needed.

They are heroes.

 

Photo Source & More on the Story: The Star 

Filed Under: NICU Grief, Outside Insight / P.R.

SBD helps Mother’s Refuge

October 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the programs we offer here at stillbirthday is a Love Cupboard program.  This is a tangible needs program that serves multiple purposes:

  • provides some clothing and other tangible items to families in need.
  • provides these resources to families who are expecting a baby with a fatal or difficult diagnosis.
  • provides these resources to families who are pregnant with a subsequent pregnancy and have been too fearful to invest in these items out of fear of losing the pregnancy.
  • provides a temporary or permanent/donation storage place for families who’ve endured pregnancy or infant loss.

Each Love Cupboard is uniquely named and locally coordinated by caring members within communities.  They are each run based on the needs of your community and the expectations set forth by your local Love Cupboard coordinator.  Visit the Love Cupboard link to learn more.

Through the support of my local community and their donation of maternity clothes, infant clothes and other items, I was able to use my local Love Cupboard, named Mom’s Connection, to provide these needed items to Mother’s Refuge, another local organization that recently endured a devastating fire.

Mother’s Refuge is a homeless shelter for teen mothers and their infants.

With your generous help, stillbirthday’s Mom’s Connection Love Cupboard was able to gift Mother’s Refuge with maternity clothing, infant girls clothing, infant boys clothing, a safety gate, a stroller, two pack n plays, and more.

 

Thank you for your support of stillbirthday, so that we can impact our local communities, globally.

 

 

Filed Under: Outside Insight / P.R., SBD News Team

Less Trick, More Truth

October 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

 

Little girls will be dressed as sparkly angels, and little boys will be draped in white sheets to look like ghosts.

The mom with them, running house to house, standing behind her children as they present their buckets repeating “Trick or Treat!” might be wishing she had one more dressed up little one to chase after and take pictures of.

Maybe to her, there is one less bucket than there should be.

One less painted face.

One less Trick or Treater.

Maybe, more than one is missing from her giggling, glowing, candy collecting crew.

Halloween is the last day of October, and October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.

For Halloween this year, one mother decided to distribute her candies, while including a tiny little paper that invites the mom to visit stillbirthday, by using the window inserts from our SBD Local Rep section.  These are just the right size to attach to a sucker or just add in the handful of treats.

As she sorts through their candies at home, she’ll find your little message for her.

Letting the mom know that she isn’t alone – it could be the best treat she receives this Halloween.

 

This was just one idea that one mom found valuable as she tried to find the balance between honoring herself and other mothers, while still celebrating the fun in Halloween.  It might not feel right for you, and that’s totally OK.  Our SBD Local Rep page, where our printable resources are located, offers that often, sharing our stories, while painful, can be better received than printed items.

How do you find the balance between celebrating festivities or having fun, with wanting to tell others about support they could receive if they need it?

 

Filed Under: Outside Insight / P.R.

Christine Reagan

October 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

In 1940, before he was President, Ronald Reagan married actress Sarah Jane Mayfield, known as Jane Wyman.  Jane, incidentally, was born in St. Joe, Missouri, not too far from Kansas City, the birthplace of stillbirthday.

Wyman’s first husband was Ernest Eugene Wyman.  While some say this is the surname she carried forth even after their divorce, others say that she acquired this surname from her foster mother.

Her second husband was Myron Martin Futterman.  Their marriage ended three months after it began because Wyman wanted children, and her husband did not.

Wyman and Ronald Reagan co-starred in Brother Rat, a film released in 1938.  They were married in January, 1940.

  • Their first child was Maureen Elizabeth Reagan (1941 – 2001).
  • Their second child was Michael Edward Reagan (March 18, 1945 –    ).  The Reagans adopted Michael.
  • Their third child was Christine Reagan.  She was born June 26, 1947, apparently 4 weeks premature.  Some reports say that she was stillborn.  Others say she lived for 9 hours, dying on June 27, 1947.

Their divorce was filed in 1948.  President Ronald Reagan is the only president to have been divorced.

While reports state that Jane’s reason for the divorce was a difference in political opinion, others speculate that their bereavement may have played a part.  Ronald considered himself a Democrat until the 1950s when he presented bi-partisan speeches for General Electric.   Influenced by Lemuel Boulware and his wife Nancy, Ronald formally switched to the Republican party in 1962.

In 1952 Wyman married music composer Fred Karger.  In 1955, the two divorced.  In 1961 the two remarried, but in 1965, they divorced once again.

Reagan was an actor, served in the military, was a Screen Actor’s Guild President, and a secret informant to the FBI.

He met actress Nancy Davis in 1949, when she sought him out for support regarding her name mistakenly appearing on a communist blacklist in Hollywood.

They were married in 1952 and had two children together:

  • Patti, born October 21, 1952
  • Ron, born May 20, 1958

After the 1964 A Time for Choosing speech, Ronald Reagan became Governor of California, from 1967 to 1975.

“You and I are told we must choose between a left or right, but I suggest there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down. Up to man’s age-old dream – the maximum of individual freedom consistent with order – or down to the ant heap of totalitarianism.”

Reagan’s first presidential campaign was in 1975, when he narrowly lost the nomination to Gerald Ford.

He ran again in 1980.  He was President of the United States of America for two terms, from 1981 until January 1989.

Proclamation 5890 was signed on October 25, 1988.

Related: 25 Year Remembrance Hot Air Balloon Ride and Free Hearts Release

Christine’s older sister, Maureen, and older brother, Michael.

Michael was adopted into the Reagan family.

 

 

Filed Under: Outside Insight / P.R.

Radio Interview

October 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Heidi Faith of stillbirthday was interviewed by Dr. Pauline Dillard of the Dunamas Center, discussing the Christian community’s response to pregnancy loss.

Listen to internet radio with DunamasCenter on Blog Talk Radio
Filed Under: Outside Insight / P.R.

Neglection

October 21, 2012 by 5 Comments

It’s election time.

And whenever it’s election time, elective abortion invariably becomes a central part of the debate.

The show of babies, tiny babies, broken into bits and pooled in blood make their way across the internet.

Some people are talking about elective abortion being murder.

Other people are talking about the rights of women and their control over their bodies.

 

This is also October.

National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, as proclaimed by President Ronald Reagan in 1988.

 

Elective abortion aside,

 

Why is no one talking about the death of our babies?

Why is no one talking about “the woman’s body” as she experiences pregnancy loss?

Her out of “control” feeling as her deceased baby is born?

Her grief?

Her loss?

Why are photos of our beloved miscarried or stillborn babies censored?

Why is no one talking about the father’s role as his wife gives birth to his miscarried or stillborn baby?

His out of “control” feeling as his deceased baby is born?

His grief?

His loss?

I don’t need to see broken bits of babies to value my baby who died and who I gave birth to.

I want to see babies who are loved at all ages and sizes.  I want babies born at any age to be treated with as much dignity as they can be, to invite all families into a place of healing, not to see the method of their death to be further used as a weapon of condemnation or shame or fear.

I could have needed the medical assistance in the birth of my miscarried baby that is a D&C.

I could have needed a D&C, and the visuals I have been given – the same that are strewn throughout the internet – by those who hold the same values of life as I do, are horrific, traumatizing images.

These visuals actually serve to confuse and shame mothers into thinking that a D&C of a miscarried baby is the same as an elective abortion.

These visuals serve as an insult to the very babies they depict.  As a mother who faced the daunting decision that is elective abortion but chose, through my own self exploration against it, I would at least want my baby’s physical form treated with dignity, and not used as a fear tactic, a point of mockery and humiliation for other mothers who are also sorely undersupported and unloved.

These visuals should never replace the photos of our beloved miscarried or stillborn babies, photos that capture dignity, compassion, humanity and love.

Parental bereavement should not be so terribly and completely silenced and overlooked – of stillborn, miscarried, or elective aborted babies.

I am pro-life.

I am Christian.

I am a bereaved mother.

And I am disappointed.

Filed Under: all, Outside Insight / P.R.

We Still Have Work

October 16, 2012 by 3 Comments

 

{Take a peek at what we are doing for the 2013 Remembrance}

 

 

A carefully handwritten list of nearly 400 babies, a scarf, and my “rainbow” baby (who isn’t my rainbow) came along with me to stillbirthday’s first ever balloon release.

I arrived, gasping, more nervous than ever before – the sight of other cars – oh, dear Lord, I really am not alone.

Kevo the Klown blew funny balloons for the kiddos, Carol the balloon lady worked hard putting lights into and blowing up 100 balloons, while the rest of us met and mingled.

A news reporter arrived.

I worked through my total overwhelm as I tried to send the simple message into the camera

 “if you are out there, and if you have endured loss, you are not alone.”

One stillbirthday mother was presented with a very honoring gift from her husband.  She had endured a miscarriage alone, before marrying him.  He told her, “You’ve endured the lonliness of this experience for far too long.”  He then presented her with a certificate of spiritual adoption, in which he commited to carrying forth the legacy of her child as his own.

Then, we gathered in a circle, and it was time.  Time to speak our children’s names, time to voice our realities, time to honor and remember.

Jesus wept.

It’s the shortest verse in the Bible, but I want to look at the setting in which, Jesus wept.

Lazarus, His friend, had died.

Lazarus, Mary and Martha were all siblings, and each were friends with Jesus.  And yet, when Lazarus died, Jesus wasn’t there.  In fact, scripture tells us that Jesus the person didn’t show up until several days later (this was to ensure the indesputible miracle which was to take place).

When Martha saw Him in the distance, she ran to Him.

She ran to Him, and she cried, “Where have You been?”

“If You had been here, this wouldn’t have happened!”

Haven’t we felt that way?

Mary ran to Him.

“Jesus – can’t You?  Can’t You – bring him back?”

Jesus wept.

I want to challenge you, to consider that Jesus saw His friend, in the only place that is safe.  The only place that is all love.  And as He called Lazarus back from that place, through the veil of tears, back into our world of darkness, confusion and sadness, Jesus wept.

Our life is hard.  Jesus knows, our work is hard.

I’ve recieved many platitudes and cliches through my experience.  Things like

“Now you have your own personal guardian angel.”

As if he’s sitting on my shoulder now, somehow sprinkling good luck throughout my day.

As if his life isn’t valuable enough.

No, his work is done.

He is in the only place that is safe.  The only place that is all love.

I am the one still here.  I am the one still with work to do.

And, Jesus knows, this life is hard.  This work is hard.

When God called the three men from the firey furnace, do you know?  They didn’t even smell of smoke.

But when Jesus called Lazarus from the grave, scripture tells us, he probably stunk.

Wearing his burial cloths, he stepped out of his dark, cold, lonely tomb.  And he stunk.

Jesus then instructed those around Lazarus to help remove his burial cloths.

Maybe you feel as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?

Jesus brought Lazarus out of his dark place, but He instructed those around him to remove the burial cloths.

We are still here.  We still have work to do.

And, Jesus knows, our work is hard.

 

Using a scarf as a representation of that burial cloth, we each wrapped it around our neck.  We wore this cloth, and then spoke our truth.  Spoke what we’ve endured.  Spoke who we represent.  Spoke who we remember.

Spoke of the darkest of places we’ve been.

Then, the person next to us, entered into our story.  Entered into our life.

Saw our tears.

Touched us.

Removed the burial cloth.

Validated.

Honored.

Then, wrapped it around their own neck, and told their own story.

 

After we each took our turn, it was time to let our light shine.

Of course, it’s hard to see in the photos, but each balloon had a lightbulb inside, glowing.

As long as we are still here, we still have this work to do.

We still have to find our little light, and let it rise above, to be a beacon of hope and healing to others who are in that darkest, coldest, loneliest place.

It’s hard work.  Jesus knows, it’s hard work.

But we are validated.

Jesus wept.

You aren’t alone.

Have you felt as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?

Come, step forward.  Let us here at stillbirthday help you remove your burial cloth.

Because, if you are here, you still have work to do, too.

 

The stillbirthday families who attended, helped to honor nearly 400 more families who couldn’t attend.  This is from the handwritten list I brought with me:

Christian Gaskin

Baby Townsend

Mary Beth

Aquila

Baby Miller

Baby Stolc

Shahzad

Bujji

Eric

Tia

Christopher

Orion

C.M.

Clayton

Sophie

Julia

Hope

Skywalker

Baby Sims

Elijah

Nathan John

Baby Hall #2

Baby Hall #3

Baby Hall #4

Baby JC

Joy Comes

Maxwell aunt/uncle

Maxwell friend

Noelle

Gabriel

Lily Katherine

Luke Shiloh

Presley Brooklyn

Casper David

Logan Graham

Kamryn Olivia

Dejuva Bearlys

Baby Forbes #1

Baby Forbes #2

Aria

Alana Grace

Kelly Marie

Tristan Alexander

Ava Juliette

Ayden Simon

Lyla Annilie

Samantha Lynn

Everett John

Ethan James

Kelli’s Baby #1

Kelli’s Baby #2

Kelli’s Baby #3

Kelli’s Baby #4

Kelli’s Baby #5

Lucas Henry

William Joseph

Emily’s Baby

Madilynn Isabell

Landon Michael

Audriana Hope

Noah Bradlee

Angel Demers

Emma Grace

Brylee Catherine

Bryce Thomas

Keiran William

Cheyenne Elizabeth

Avery Morgan

Holden Keppel

Finley Jay

Angelica G.

Jonathon M.

Charlie B.

Serenity B.

Peanut B.

Aiden Joshua

Emily Rose – friends, family

Marcos Morales

Baby Angel

Preston Arthur

Erum Brown – Larson

Jade Marie

Hazel Grace

Laylah Ariela

Madison Lucianna

Ayden

Myles

Charlie

Andy

AJ

Baby Culbertson #1

Baby Culbertson #2

Brody Max

Gabriella Lynn

Angelita Kaylee

Alexander Michael

Silas Benjamin

Gabriel David

Xzaren

Xzaylin

J

Morgyn Marie

Prestyn Alan

Andrew Muirhead Orr, III

Kai Sarah Christine

Kylea Kae

Lia Joy

Teresia’s Baby #1

Teresia’s Baby #2

Teresia’s Baby #3

Michael Robert

Carlos Ademer Ponce Jr.

Peyton Leonard

Lacy Belle

Sadie Mae

Grace Victoria

Levi Joel

Uriah Dalton

Emalynn Angel

Briana Lynn

Sweet Pea

Laura Elizabeth

Charlie

Gunner Troy

Peyton Rockwell

Silas Max

Nicolette Suzanne

Jonas P.

Kylee Nicole

Dylan R.

Andrew

Anna Elizabeth

Stella B.

Baby Cook

Ian Daniel

Baby Avelar #1

Baby Avelar #2

Willow

Ruby

Darla Elena

Ophelia Rose

Cora Edith – Grace

Baby Boy Nichols

Georgia Kairi

Baby Sanchez #1

Baby Sanchez #2

Baby Sanchez #3

Baby Sanchez #4

Baby Sanchez #5

Baby Sanchez #6

Baby Martin #1

Baby Martin #2

Celina Jade

Baby Jones #1

Baby Jones #2

Baby Jones #3

Baby McCormick

Jaemi

Baby Daly

Baby Daly

Andrew

Kai

Baby Hiltz

Addison Lucille

Baby Bice

Heather Rose

Muchow Boy #1

Muchow Boy #2

Muchow Boy #3

Jessica Shafer

Robert Edward

Baby Tad

Dominic

Nash Austin

Baby Hale #1

Baby Hale #2

Baby Hale #3

Saniya Jazmine

Mabel Joy

Isaiah Michael

Hannah Hope

Marcus Levi

Emily Elizabeth

Baby Boy Owens

Baby Owens

Jaxon M.

Colin M.

Courtney M.

Baby Bishop

Baby Arnold

Moses Williams

Azriel Aiden

Lewis Duryea

Wyatt Paul

Baby Hall #1

Baby Hall #2

Charity

Will

Baby Weiss #1

Baby Weiss #2

Sophie Faith

Alexander Michael

Samantha Marie

Jacob Ryan

Bentley Ryan

Aubree Lee

Zoe Elizabeth

Addie Kate

Finley

Poppet

Baby Manke

Joy

Jason

Hope H.

Joseph H.

Leah H.

Hope G.

Noah

Jack

Patrick Wells

Baby Amack

Sam Joseph

Joshie

Lainey Grace

Evelyn Juliet

Catelyn

Baby McMullen #1

Baby McMullen #2

Baby McMullan #3

Baby McMullen #4

Baby McMullen #5

Jesse Flores

Baby Carlos

Baby Hartman

Harper

Evan Christopher

Baby Stephan – Quinlan

Mary Grace

Baby Stevens #1

Baby Stevens #2

Baby Stevens #3

Harper Kathleen

Calan

Anduril

Alexandra Butler

Baby Mitchell

Emily

Xander

Baby Garoffolo #1

Baby Garoffolo #2

Baby Garoffolo #3

Baby Garoffolo #4

Baby Garoffolo #5

Baby Leppo #1

Baby Leppo #2

Baby Leppo #3

Baby Bee

Baby Walther

Britton Reiley

Baby Harris #1

Baby Harris #2

Baby Harris #3

Baby Harris #6

Baby Thomas #1

Baby Thomas #2

Baby Thomas #3

Aleah J.

Sousuke

Caitlin Marie

Keaton Alexander

Baby Jaxon

Baby Williams #1

Baby Williams #2

Zyon Alay

Abdul

Maxwell Isaiah

Malichai Issacc

Grace

Mini Cooper #1

Mini Cooper #2

Mini Cooper #3

Mini Cooper #4

Mini Cooper #5

Daniel Ray

Baby Bruffett

Lisa Irwin

Fowler friend

Sydney

Tristan

Riley

Autumn Humphrey

Zadon William

Andrea Robyn

Billy James

Baby Bean

Baby Pebble

Babb Twin A

Babb Twin B

Daniel Ray Morrow Jr.

Baby Bruffett

Jack Raymond

Sean Connor

Pruitt Siblings

Baby Charlie

Baby Krocker #1

Baby Krocker #2

Baby Krocker #3

Luna Gefion

Gideon Y.

Deborah Y.

Iaasac Y.

Naomi Y.

Jeremiah Y.

Hope Y.

Caleb Y.

Joseph Y.

Gabriel Y.

Iasaiah Y.

Baby Belcher

Baby Matsumoto

Baby Himes

Little One

Baby Mickells

Jacob Matthew

Baby Oransky #1

Baby Oransky #2

Baby Oransky #3

Baby Oransky #4

Baby Oransky #5

Baby Oransky #6

Jeremiah Lee

Lucas Charles

Nathaniel Sierra

Catherine Agnes

Patricia Marie

Taya

Heaven Leigh

Baby B

Baby C

Baby Valentine

Baby Michael #1

Baby Michael #2

Aria

Baby Harshe

Baby Guggie

Baby Guggie

Baby Eoff #1

Baby Eoff #2

Baby Eoff #3

Shelomith

Kelso friend

Y’hoshua Samuel

Kaden Friedly

Mikel Wayne

Eldon

Kaleigh

Dallas Edwin

Cooper David

Sydney Alexis

Jenna

Baby McConnell

Baby MaGee

Jesslyn Nicole Paige

Baby BeShears

Elizabeth Ashley Anne

William Gaines

Jaydyn Kellen

Hope Marie

Jordan

Shiloh

Jacob

Baby Grote #2

Baby Carter

Victoria

Baby Larson

Baby Casteneda

Braedon

McKenzie

Cameron

Kyler

Jackson

Baby Gordon

Amanda Renae

TBA Jenkins

Twinkie Jenkins

Zane Alexander

Jocelyn Lynn

Nellia

Baby Rocha

Lindley grandchildren

Baby Vazquez

Joshua Michael

Baby Whitten

Vanessa Jade

Nesiah

Christian

Elijah

Jacob

Zoe

Zoen

Josiah

Lily

Zoey Ryane

Alister

Baby Kline

Michael “Mikey”

Zoey Charlene

Baby Ross

Devin Michael

Wanda Christine

Elijah Kent

Baby Young #1

Baby Young #2

Baby Young #3

Baby Cannell

Baby Myers

Barbara Ann

Cooperrider Baby #1

Cooperrider Twin A

Cooperrider Twin B

Presley Lyn

Bump

Kip

Jack Davis

Alister Pierce

Baby Tavi

Baby Joyce

Baby Sue

Jordan R.

Gabrielle R.

Barnabus

Kevo the Klown Baby #1

Kevo the Klown Baby #2

Kevo the Klown Baby #3

 

 

Filed Under: Giveaways & Updates, Outside Insight / P.R.

Misconceptions of Miscarriage

October 8, 2012 by 12 Comments

I asked some of my fellow stillbirthday mothers to help me out with some misconceptions of miscarriage.  This is our list, of misconceptions the people around us had – and said to us – in our darkest days of grief.

I’d like to build a misconceptions list of all pregnancy and infant loss experiences, so if you’d like, you can leave a comment with yours.  Alternately, you can visit our article on bullying the bereaved, and use the special email address there.

 

In our heartbreak, we felt:

  • Like a murderer.
  • Like a bad mother.
  • Like I couldn’t even protect my baby…from myself.
  • Like a failure.
  • Like my husband must blame me.
  • Like my husband should blame me.
  • Like my husband wouldn’t want to make love to me again.
  • Shame at my body’s desire to want intimacy again – feeling foolish for desiring sexual intimacy from my husband.
  • Wondering if my husband is thinking about the loss during intimacy with me.
  • Foolish to want to conceive again.
  • Foolish to think I can conceive again.
  • Foolish that my “womanhood” is so “incorrect” or “malfunctioned”.
  • Deep despair at the loss of effort it took to conceive – wasted time, money, effort.
  • Self loathing – vengeance for my child’s death, even if directed at self.
  • Tempted to search for blame onto others, including my spouse, others, or God.
  • Frustrated that even the platitudes were directed at my baby (“in a better place”) or rushing me into some future projection of happiness (“you can try again”) instead of focusing on my needs and the magnitude of the moment.
  • Unable to perceive anything other than the current darkness, and so these platitudes about the future seemed like a foreign language.
  • Pressure to move on, as if my body wasn’t actually in a postpartum transition.
  • Rejected.
  • Weird.

 

In our heartbreak, we heard:

 

  • It’s over.
  • You can forget.
  • You should forget.
  • You didn’t love your baby, that’s why you lost ‘it’.
  • Your life is easier with one less child to care for.
  • It was God’s will.
  • You should consider yourself lucky.
  • Your loss is easier than someone else’s loss (loss of spouse, etc.)
  • ‘It’ wasn’t a real child.
  • You shouldn’t hurt mentally.
  • You shouldn’t hurt emotionally.
  • You shouldn’t hurt spiritually.
  • You ‘only’ lost the idea of a baby.
  • It’s not real labor and childbirth.
  • It’s just a period.
  • ‘It’s’ just debris.
  • ‘It’s’ just products of conception.
  • You are not a mother.
  • God didn’t approve of this baby.
  • You didn’t deserve to be pregnant.
  • You should be thankful that you have your living children.
  • You can just get pregnant again.
  • You are lucky God changed His mind.
  • You are lucky to not have a special needs child, that you were spared from this.
  • This was God’s will.
  • It’s your fault (your weight, your job, your stress, etc.)
  • Adoption is an easy approach to parenthood.
  • Silence.

 

Stillbirthday mothers, this is a very hurtful list.  Just reading this hurts my heart.  If in reading this list, you get stuck in pain, please, I ask you this.  Please, get out a piece of paper and a pencil.  Please go through every single one of these comments above, and read it in the OPPOSITE.  Then, write down these OPPOSITE responses.  It would look like this:

  • I don’t have to forget.
  • God did not change His mind.
  • I love my baby.
  • Every loss is difficult – mine, and anyone else’s.

 

Giving birth to our miscarried baby(ies) has taught us many things.  It has stretched us to learn more about ourselves, about our feelings, about our values, about our patience, our forgiveness of others, and about our love.

I asked some stillbirthday mothers to expand on this with me.  This is our list.

  • It is good for me to honor my feelings.
  • It is good for me to validate each of my children and speak about them as I choose to.
  • It is good for me to include all of my children in conversations, in celebrations and in my family as I choose to.
  • My experience is worthy of me defining how I choose to.
  • I have the right to consider myself the mother to a miscarried child, for the rest of my life, and determine for myself how this role is an important one.
  • My heart can hold love for people I have never seen.
  • I am here, and I have a place, even when I feel lost.
  • It is good for me to cry.
  • It is good for me to laugh.
  • Happy can remind me of sad.  Sad can remind me of happy.
  • I treasure today because tomorrow is unknown.
  • I treasure my living children and other living loved ones, not because I was told to, but because I choose to.
  • I want to grow and to improve areas of myself in honor of my child(ren).
  • We all grieve differently.
  • I am not grieving wrong.

 

 

 

Filed Under: all, Outside Insight / P.R.

One a Minute

October 2, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Somewhere, a mother is peering over a pregnancy test, and marveling that her life will never be the same again, as she watches an invisible space fill with just the tiniest tinge of pink.

She looks at herself in the mirror.  She rubs her belly.  She wonders who she will tell first.

Somewhere, too, a doctor’s office is calling a woman, leaving a voicemail for her to return the call.  When she does, she will learn that her IVF efforts have resulted in a fertilized egg – that she is pregnant.

Somewhere in the United States, though, a mother is holding her still-flat tummy and consoling herself that cramping is a totally normal part of early pregnancy.

This very minute, a father is at work, somewhere in the United States.  His wife is calling him to tell him to come home.

This very minute a new mother is using the restroom, and begins to panic when she wipes and finds blood on her tissue.

This very minute, a new mother is sitting with her feet elevated, hoping to stop the blood from coming.

This very minute, a new mother is being told that “these things happen” and to “just expect a period.”

This very minute, new parents are wondering how to tell their children that mommy is losing the baby.

This very minute, a new mother, dressed in a suit or uniform, is wishing she could leave work, because she doesn’t want to be there as she labors her miscarried baby.

This very minute, a new mother is debating how she will finish her errands for the week, because she doesn’t want to risk being out in public as her body furthers the laboring of her miscarried baby.

This very minute, a new mother wishes the labor and birth would be over so that she can resume normal daily tasks like grocery shopping without fear, while at the same time wishing the nightmare would end and she would wake up still happily pregnant.

This very minute, young children are fantasizing over having a little brother or sister, only to learn that their baby is no longer alive.

This very minute, new parents are deciding how they will say goodbye to their baby, while wondering if they will be given that chance.

This very minute, a new mother is looking online to see what miscarried babies look like.  Her search will be met instead by babies born via D&C and presented through the politics surrounding elective abortion, if she doesn’t find stillbirthday.

This very minute, an ultrasound technician is shutting off an ultrasound machine with the words “I’m sorry.”

This very minute, a mother is peering into her toilet, feeling so ashamed and dirty as she sticks her hand into the cool, red water to see if she can retrieve what she wonders is the physical form of her tiny baby.

This very minute, a mother is sitting in a wheelchair in an Emergency Room, begging for protection over her pregnancy and baby, while watching other people being admitted and cared for first.

This very minute, a miscarried baby’s physical form enters into a sewage or waste system.

This very minute, a couple is wondering how they are supposed to plan or pay for a farewell, or what the right kind of farewell is.

This very minute, a couple is looking at one another, feeling more alone than they ever have before – but right now, this very minute, they join hundreds of thousands of other couples who are impacted by pregnancy loss every year.

They are not alone – but they don’t know that yet.

Every minute a baby is born by miscarriage in the United States.

Today, one thousand six hundred forty four American families will be impacted by miscarriage, and seventy one more will be impacted by stillbirth.

A pregnancy loss is still a birth – is still a birthday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: all, Giveaways & Updates, Outside Insight / P.R.
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The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.