Archives for November 2012

BEBE instructor Jill provides supplemental education regarding prenatal development for our graduated SBD doulas interested in deepening their training in this valuable area after they’ve graduated from our extensive program.

There’s lots of talk going around, wondering just what our new Grief Dare is going to be all about.

What is it going to require of me?  How personal is this going to get?

Relax.

This is going to be so much fun.  We’ve drawn from resources all over to compile these dares, including the Love Dare and Respect Dare books and other website owners, like Franchesca from Small Bird Studios.  While you’ll be challenged to look at your marriage, your faith (in whatever you place your hope), and other relationships, the only things you’ll be actually sharing back at the Grief Dare are updates, and your own responses to the activites.

A couple of these responses will include sharing a photo and a video, but we’ll give you tips on how to do that.

So, who’s up for a sample dare?

This week is Thanksgiving.

Maybe you’ve got plans to visit your family, or maybe there is a party at work, or maybe you’ll notice the extra people in the grocery stores this week, gathering and collecting the items they desire for their own family’s feast.

Everywhere you go, you may feel as if the crowd is looming in.  And, you might feel even more alone than ever.

If you are anticipating this festive season of celebration and thankfulness with even a tinge of dread, this dare is for you.

This week, pick one person.

Maybe it’s not the most difficult person –

maybe it’s not the family member who told you to “get over it”, or maybe it’s not your newborn niece.  That’s OK.

Just, pick someone, whom you know you will encounter, and whom you know may possibly be difficult to encounter, for whatever reason.

For these days leading up to your Thanksgiving, think on this person.

Pull out old family photo albums to see them as a kiddo, if you want, or maybe talk to other family members who really adore this person – maybe their parents.

Really, spend time thinking, about what it is this person likes.

What hobbies they have, what subjects interest them, what collections or possessions they treasure.

And,  mentally prepare for an encounter with this person.

Spend time meditating or praying for guidance, for wisdom, for peace, on this project and between you and this person.

If you can, get excited about the things you learn about this person’s joys.  Genuinely learn something new.

And then, make some time to connect with that person.

For example: Maybe it was your husband’s brother who said something during your initial loss, that still leaves you feeling sour toward him.  Nothing extremely mean, but, it just didn’t seem like he was very understanding.  Maybe he’s really into football, so you commit to learning a little about football, and you tell him that you want to understand the difference between the AFC and the NFC.  Just, something engaging.

If they aren’t in your family, consider communicating with that person through email, calling them, or meeting over lunch.

A couple of things to keep in mind: As you anticipate and prepare for this dare, release any expectation you have of their response.  Do not go into this dare with the expectation that you will have a window to tell the person that they hurt you, or that it will dawn on them that they’ve hurt you.  It might not be the right time to talk about that at this point.  Allow yourself the peace, now, to know that.  If you don’t have that peace, pick a different person.   It is NOT acceptable for them to be intentionally cruel to you, and remember, it’s OK to pick someone who isn’t the most hurtful to you – maybe just someone who you’ve just had a disconnect with.  You can determine your own commitment, based on what you believe you are capable of challenging yourself to emotionally.

After you’ve completed this example dare, this Thanksgiving dare, you can leave a comment below, just sharing what the experience was like.  Did it take great mental preparation?  Did you learn something new about their interest?  Did you learn something new about the person?  Was it fun to learn a little about their interest?  Was it scary to make a point to talk to them?  Were you able to release expectation, if only for one encounter?  In the end, was this challenge helpful to you or to the person in any way?

Don’t tell us who the person is, just what you learned and experienced through this intentional time of learning about and interacting with them.

As an incentive to challenge you to this dare, Tiffanie from Miscarriage Blankets will provide one participant here with a beautiful keepsake like this darling little baby in the photo.  You will be able to customize yours, with skin tone color, and pink or blue details.  The winner will be chosen on Monday, November 26.  Even if you don’t have Thanksgiving plans this week, you can commit to this dare.

In thankfulness of your baby, can you find strength to see joy in places (and people) unexpected?

Tiffanie’s even going to serve on the judge’s panel throughout the Grief Dare, along with Christy from H.A.I.L. helping determine the grand prize winner at the end!

While this example dare is open to any participants, please be sure to officially register to be a part of the upcoming Grief Dare, so you’ll be entered for a chance to win some incredible prizes!

You can use this yellow button for a special discount on your registration, through this Thanksgiving weekend ONLY!