Heidi Faith // Page 66 // The SBD® Doula

SBD Doula Class!

August 3, 2013 by Heidi Faith Leave a Comment

Hi everyone!

This is just a super quick announcement, to let everyone know that our next doula class is now in session! If you’ve completed your enrollment, you should have received your training materials. The first week of training officially begins Monday August 5, so these few days are for your benefit, just to unpack the materials and get familiar with them.

With technical glitches and things, this is just a little message to say, just let me know if you don’t think you have your materials yet. You can comment here, or you can email me at Heidi.Faith@stillbirthday.info with “waiting on training” as an easy subject line.

I’m looking forward to growing and learning with you!

Filed Under: all

Something to Give

August 3, 2013 by Heidi Faith 5 Comments

Told by: Kelly Gerken, SBD

This was originally written at Sufficient Grace Ministries.

Yesterday, I stood again in the place where heaven and earth meet.

It has been fourteen years since I felt Him brush past me, filling the room with soothing peace that knows no reason, and love that floods with warmth and hope, as I sang to my baby boy when he went straight from my arms to the arms of Jesus.

“Guess what I got to do,” I said breathlessly, that day 14 years ago, when I called Dinah and Ginny, after holding my Thomas.

There is nothing so sacred this side of heaven. Nothing so precious. As the gift of life.

And nothing more miraculous and astounding than when heaven and earth meet for a moment. Anything is possible. Everything you hope for is real.

Grief and joy dance with abandon.

Because life…no matter how brief…is meant to be celebrated. Soaked in. Honored. Treasured.

Holly and I had the incredible privilege of walking with a family, waiting to say hello and goodbye to their sweet baby girl. We spent most of the night and the better part of the following day, standing on sacred ground with them. It was the first time we were able to offer in person support in those crucial moments…together.

As I scurried to pack my bag to take to the family, I ran through the SGM office, choosing crocheted gowns by Marlene, and satin wraps with pink lining and daisies made by Peggy, a Comfort Bear that several hands sewed and stuffed. Others glued hearts, others cut fabric. So many involved in the making of each bear. So many loving hearts and willing hands, working hours every month, so that babies that the world may never know will have something beautiful. And the families who miss them, will find some small comfort. I put pink bracelets made by Marlene into the bag. And, the Dreams of You Memory book.

I wondered on the drive there what it will be like on the other side. I’ve been the mom. But, what will it be like to walk beside a family. Will they mind our presence? Will we be helpful? Will they feel as if we’re invading this sacred place?

We have had the training. Read the books. But, what will the moment be like?

It was like breathing.

I remembered our SBD Birth and Bereavement Doula training, and how important it is to focus on meeting the baby. Soaking in this time with her. Filling her brief life with memories. I remembered my own questions years ago, as I tried to answer theirs. And, I have never been so grateful that I was chosen to be the mother of Faith, Grace, and Thomas. Because they lived, I have something…however small…to give. Reassurance. Hope. From a mother who has walked there.

When we meet Jesus, the crowns we get for the way we serve him on this Earth…the rewards. They aren’t for us. They are so that when we see Him, and we are so desperate to have something to give…to show our love…our worship…our gratefulness….that we will have an offering. Something to cast at His feet, because He gave us so much.

And, when we look into the eyes of a mother about to say goodbye to her baby, there is nothing so desperate as the longing to have something to give.

When we met their sweet baby girl the next day, I felt such unspeakable awe of the gift that I could be allowed to behold the beauty of this precious little one. She was already wearing the wrap with the daisies that we brought for her. And, the bracelet was dangling from her mama’s arm. As I slipped the bracelet on the arm of their daughter, I felt a stirring deep in my heart. The sacredness…the privilege…the nearness of heaven whispering. It was like putting the bracelet on my own little girls. Peace filling, surrounding. Oh, I remember this place well. This is the place where He is so near that you can reach out and touch the hem of His garment. I looked down in disbelief that it was my hands He would allow to do this most meaningful task.

I didn’t get to put beautiful bracelets on the arms of my girls or an outfit on my Thomas. But, in that moment, it was if they were there too. And He whispered to my heart, “It will be this way for each baby you meet.” I didn’t do this for them. But, I can offer the opportunity for as many moms as I am allowed the privilege to meet. Because they lived.

I held her in my arms. So grateful for the beauty and gift of this little girl’s life and the family that loves her dearly.

And, as we left, I felt the urge to call my Dinah and say, “Guess what I got to do.”

I’ve struggled a little, at times, with this new identity. Being the person people think of when a baby dies. But, yesterday, I embraced the gift.

We get to go to the place where heaven and earth meet. We get to witness miracles. We get to be there to honor lives that few will see. We get to stand on holy ground. We get to offer beauty and hope in the midst of a pain.

And, because of the amazing hands and willing hearts of the women who gather to use their gifts to make beautiful items for tiny babies and their families…

We have something to give.

And…I am overcome. With the amazing grace of it all.

Please visit our new SGM Perinatal Hospice and Bereavement Services pages to learn more about some of the services now available.

Filed Under: Love Letters from Your Doula, Provider Care

The Delicate Dance

August 2, 2013 by Heidi Faith Leave a Comment

Written by: Kristin

I have daughters.

6 that I am certain of in fact.

There are 4 running around my house. Helping with chores or the babysitting, one is cooking, another is coloring. I even have one jumping on a trampoline, as though trying out for the circus.

I have a daughter with heavy chipmunk cheeks, wavy brown hair, and that signature stork bite at the nape if her neck all my children posses. She used to hiccup every night at 10 pm! How funny!
She lives with Jesus.
I try to imagine the splendor of her days.

Then there is my 6th daughter I’m certain of. She is tiny,under 3 pounds right now, but so strong. I feel her responses to my pleas, ” hunny, kick for mommy, let me know you are well. ” Soon enough, I’m hoping to hear her cry – to be given the gift of comforting her.

All of of my children, are subsequent children. Both sons and daughters.

Loss has always been an aspect of my children’s existence. But now, just now as it has been so deep, ongoing, recurrent has the blanket truly unfolded on us. The precious fragility of life is too well known.

Over the years, I’ve questioned my responsibility to my daughters in my response to loss. I’ve been aware of the impact on their present and future lives. I’ve tried to model trust in God, His goodness and love is not dependent on circumstances.
I’ve wondered why they too must endure so much, wishing I didn’t need to see them being refined with me.

I am trying to come to a place of peace. I don’t know or understand the mind of God or His plans. That is ok.

It is a beautiful, delicate dance to mother these daughters through the days we are given.

I will lay on bed rest while my oldest daughter mothers me. She will feed me, give me injections, and brush my hair as she listens to my heart. I will see the effect of deep tragedy behind her eyes and trust my God mending her broken places with pure gold.

I will assure my middle teen that she is allowed to live. To move forward and experience life. That panic grips her and comes out as rage, she is safe to unload it on me.

My crazy 9 year old cannot bare the pain or truth that death is part of life. Distraction and denial has been her safety net. I catch the glimmer of fear in her face from time to time not wanting to know what sometimes happens. I strive to reassure her that she is safe and life doesn’t always end in loss.

The 5 year old misses the sister she longed to stroke and mother herself. She fiercely protects her memory, wants visions of what she might do in heaven, and says the things we all think.,, ” I wish we could do it over,, I wish we could see her again,, I hope this baby doesn’t die when it is born. ”
She guards her heart, and needs long periods of time in silence, cuddled close to my side.

Why have we lived this together?What will their life bring?
Will their hearts break twice, once for their own loss and again watching their children suffer the effects?

It isn’t for me to know. For now I gratefully accept they are here. They are with be now. They are the answer if when God said,”Yes”.

Stillbirthday invites you to learn about our Love Letters collection and to share yours with us.

Filed Under: all, Holding Umbrellas, Love Letters to My Daughter, Mothering Our Mourning

Love Letters & Other Writings

August 2, 2013 by Heidi Faith Leave a Comment

Love Letters are beautiful ways of exploring our motherhood and our bereavement authentically. They are ways we Mother Our Mourning.

We have several collections of Love Letters, including:

To your loved ones, for their support of you along your journey. Rather than a series of thank you cards, one published message can be simpler for you.
To your beloved, deceased baby.
To your self or to your body.
To your spouse.
To your surviving and/or subsequent daughter (stillbirthday grandmothers/sisters).
To other parents who are rearing living children while grieving (we call this Holding Umbrellas).
To Another Mother (Hope): you can write a letter of validation, sisterhood, and hope to other mothers.
To Another Mother (PAL): Lindsey of Stillborn & Still Breathing has authored a special program called PAL Love Letters. This is an opportunity for mothers who have experienced pregnancy after loss (PAL) to write a Love Letter to a fellow MOM who is pregnant again after loss. You can offer hope, encouragement and information as you share with her what your journey of pregnancy after loss has been like.

Sharing Your Love Letters

Publish your Love Letter within our Remembrance Network, or,
Just use our sharing tab to allow us to hold your Love Letters.

In addition to writing Love Letters, we have ways for you to share your baby’s birth story, add your blog to our blog roll, and more.

Reading Your Love Letters Aloud

After you have written your Love Letter, you are invited to join us on the 10th of each month {this is the first day of the month that the “0” is seen} during an online gathering we call a “Stillbirthday Party” – where we read our letters aloud, through a special online meeting space held within Stillbirthday University.

Later, you can collect all of your letters together into one Still Parenting Journal.

This photo is from Dirty Footprints Studio, a beautiful resource for creativity through bereavement.

Filed Under: Love Letters, Love Letters to My Spouse, SBD Campaigns Tagged With: SBD Campaigns

Love Letters to My Daughter

August 2, 2013 by Heidi Faith Leave a Comment

Love Letters from Mothers to Our Daughters.

Stillbirthday Sisters

Stillbirthday Sisters, have a very, very special and important place in our stories.

If you are a stillbirthday mother, and you have a surviving or subsequent daughter, have you thought yet how your loss(es) might become a part of the way you think about or pray for your daughter’s future fertility?

The way you broach the subject of fertility with her, even?

This certainly includes the fertility of your son’s possible future fertility and his partner as well, but this collection of Love Letters is specifically about Stillbirthday Sisters, and about Stillbirthday Grandmothers.

Stillbirthday Grandmothers

It can be so heartwrenching, to seek to protect your daughter, while she is giving birth to her baby who is not alive. Grieving your grandchildren while also aching for what your adult children are enduring can be enormous, and your pain and feelings can often seem overlooked or forgotten. In this particular collection of Love Letters, you can write to your daughter, speak to her courage, her grace, and your love for her as you have an intimate view into her broken heart.

Love Letters

Mothers, you are invited, to write a Love Letter to your Daughter, and we can hold your letter at stillbirthday. You can include your thoughts, fears, prayers, and hopes you might have for her. You can write your letter just by using our sharing tab.

And, you can read this collection of Love Letters, here.

This gorgeous photo was featured at Birth Without Fear.

Filed Under: Love Letters, Love Letters to My Daughter, Mothering Our Mourning

Love Letters to Me

August 2, 2013 by Heidi Faith Leave a Comment

In The Invisible Pregnancy, I challenge you as a mother to explore the intrinsic beauty and value of your body. Mothering your mourning requires you to discover that you are valuable, that you are beautiful, that you are worthy. To help inspire you to explore these, your sacred truths, and these challenging concepts of The Invisible Pregnancy, I’m inviting you to write love letters to you – to yourself, to your soul, or to your body.

Use this link to share a letter. You may include photos.

I invite you, gently, respectfully, to learn to love your body, as a way to Mother Your Mourning.

And, you can read this collection of Love Letters, here.