It’s today!
Thank you so very much to Jen Cantrell, SBD for capturing this photo of OUR FLAG flying over the US Capitol on October 25, 2014 in honor of Proclamation 5890!
Please click here to read Proclamation 5890.
October 25 Remembrance
October 25, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Midwife of Thanatology
December 17, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Death is, at best, an uncomfortable subject, and at worse, a terribly frightening thought that most would rather run from. We have even gone so far as to say that it is normal and right to cast off any conversation, let alone thought or planning about death. To prepare for this inevitable event is to be thought suicidal or just plain weird.
The truth is, though, that for many bereaved parents, this is the exact treasure we learn and grow from the death of our children: we will live fully, so as to know that our babies at least died well. We can still purpose life from death, still grow hope and dare I say joy from excruciatingly impossible darkness.
And just as much as stillbirthday enters into the space of birth, providing options, information and resources for the Welcoming, we just as much provide validation, love and support for the Farewell.
While our comprehensively trained and certified SBD Doulas are well equipped to enter into any birth situation in any trimester, including coming alongside you in the places where birth and bereavement meet, to offer their expertise, professionalism, personalized attention and deeply devoted care, there is yet an0ther level of care that we offer here at stillbirthday, the Midwife of Thanatology.
Where an SBD Doula, who is a companion, might not feel he or she might take on a leadership role, an SBD Chaplain, who is a Midwife of Thanatology can offer authoritative support not only in the role of your doula, but also as a chaplain, officiating the farewell celebration that is right for you, and providing tangible support in the burial, cremation 0r other decisions you might make for your family. He or she is knowledgeable in your right of sepulcher and other relevant laws or policies relating to what farewell options you have. Visit this page to learn about both roles.
One of our SBD Doulas who owns her own business now, Blessings in the Belly, shared this article relating to “death midwifery“. The thought of dying well might seem foreign to you, but is a profound and deeply valuable concept.
From the article:
The parallels between birth and death are numerous and remarkable. Like birth, dying is often associated with pain, uncertainty, and fear. In both cases, there is lots of waiting, certain signs occur reliably, and the final timing is not predictable. In neither case are health professionals in control. In death as in birth, patience, kindness, and privacy can make the experience more healing, bringing out more of the good and less of the bad in people. And a health professional with appropriate training and experience can do a lot to help patients and families negotiate both transitions.
This speaks substantially to the benefit of a trained SBD Doula. Just watch this little video for an even better understanding. This video, incidentally, was shared to me by one of my clients I had the enormous honor of serving:
If you feel a compassion, an empathy, a desire to connect your love to others, please consider joining our globally recognized comprehensive birth & bereavement doula training and certification.
And if you are already one of our amazing SBD doulas, I encourage you to consider joining our Midwife of Thanatology program, becoming an SBD Chaplain to provide an even more holistic support to the families you serve.
We currently have two wonderful opportunities for registering for our doula training:
- An SBD Doula is donating $200 into the doula program in 4 $50 increments as scholarship opportunities on behalf of her beloved children. Is that not AMAZING?! Here is her first one.
- Register for any 2014 session before the end of 2013 to enter a drawing for a free computer. No, really.
If you’re already an SBD Doula, check out the Steve Butler scholarship!
Rainbow Milk
August 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment
If you have faced post-loss lactation and have shared your milk:
- with a surviving multiple
- with a surviving older sibling
- with another baby, either through pumping or direct wetnursing
Or if you are a mother nursing your subsequent baby, and this has brought you into a new facet of your grief, as you mourn that nursing relationship not had with your beloved, deceased baby.
Or if you are a bereaved mother who has not experienced lactation at all, but who wants a beautiful keepsake that honors your very real motherhood and all that you are grieving.
We at stillbirthday call this our Rainbow Milk Campaign – an opportunity for you to share photos and stories of this sort of tandem nursing, and see the stories and photos shared by other stillbirthday mothers. You can also purchase your very own stillbirthday Rainbow Milk teether/necklace.
Related: Love Letters
Sarah-Anne is the first baby photographed in our Rainbow Milk campaign. Her mama was pregnant with triplets and lost all 3 babies. All girls, they collectively refer to them as ‘Hope’. This photo was taken during Sarah-Anne’s first birthday party; it was rainbow-themed. Canary Lane, a very special photographer and friend, is also an SBD doula student.
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Supporting Birth Diversity means…
August 12, 2013 by Leave a Comment
We here at stillbirthday support birth & bereavement diversity.
Diversity
Embracing our similarities while celebrating our differences.
Birth Diversity
- Every mother has a right to her own interpretation of her own experiences.
- We are prepared to validate and support to the depths of our well, and for us, this begins with the acknowledgement that birth occurs in any trimester, and it follows through by slowing down, asking questions, and validating the mother and family as we mirror back to them their interpretation so that we can best support them.
- We support birth – all birth. This includes:
- uncomplicated, uneventful live birth, and all related birth plans and decisions.
- NICU, adoption, surrogacy, ART, birth trauma, pregnancy and infant loss.
- Our experiences of birth and of bereavement are profoundly intimate and personal, and yet they have an irrefutable influence on our family, our community and even our global culture. Supporting Birth Diversity means to hold these truths with reverence.
- We provide support prior to, during and after birth in any trimester and in any outcome.
- Every bereaved individual has the right and the potential to give birth to healing.
Bereavement Diversity
- Supporting bereavement diversity is intricately and intrinsically connected to supporting birth diversity, because of the inclusion of giving birth to healing and mothering our mourning.
- Pregnancy and infant loss knows no boundaries. It touches every continent, culture and community. We aim to do the same.
- We have an extensive network of support resources for bereaved families as they become pregnant with grief, as they labor toward healing, and as they learn how to parent their mourning by providing it with both the permission and discipline it needs to stay healthy.
“When a woman conceives her true self, a miracle occurs and life around her begins again.”
~Marianne Williamson
Get Involved
Send your photo to: Heidi.Faith@stillbirthday.info, to be added here! Show in your photo what SBD means to you:
- Supporting Birth Diversity
- Supporting Bereavement Diversity
- Stillbirthday Birth & Bereavement Doula
- A pregnancy loss is still a birthday
- StillBirthDay
Supporting Birth Diversity means…
“…my family is diverse, and, I know the diverse ways that God used to knit our family together.”
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“…supporting my birth choices.
These photos were taken while I was 8cm dilated during the homebirth of our youngest son.”
My oldest son (my rainbow baby) is loved and raised by my husband as if he is his own. Our daughters were grafted into our family tree by adoption. Our two younger sons are the fruit of my womb after a successful vasectomy reversal. My two photographs shared here (with photographer credit) represent birth diversity.
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“…respecting that alternative families are families.”
The first SBD doula I contacted was open, inquisitive, and supportive. She gave me a wealth of information, resources, knowledge, time and love. She was very upfront that our family wasn’t one she was morally comfortable or familiar with supporting, but she was willing to learn where she could stretch her own boundaries through seeing my needs. She referred us to another doula when the time was right for all of us, but she supported us very well up until then, and she met with us several times afterward, and so did the other doula, who was also great. They both gave my partner and I so much, but it was the support of the first doula that stood out to me the most. She really impacted me, and that impacted my labor and birth. I am very pleased.
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“…honoring that NICU grief is real.”
I had 3 Trisomy babies pass away. Micah passed away in the womb – Sophia lived 23 days – & Angel passed away in the womb. I do not have any images of Angel, unfortunately.
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“…the birth of my beloved, deceased son, Arik, at 27 weeks gestation, is still a birth.”
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“…including the whole family and never forgetting any child no matter how small.” This is set up in our home so we can all go to it whenever we need to. Elizabeth was stillborn at 7 months gestation and Zeth was stillborn at 23 weeks gestation.
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“…my husband can still adopt my baby who was born through miscarriage before we met and married.”
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“…I can speak the truth, that my midwife failed us, and here is a place I am really heard and finally not shunned.”
Birth Stories & Baby Photos
August 12, 2013 by Leave a Comment
You are invited to write your baby’s birth story, and to share your baby’s photos, to be held here at stillbirthday. It is our deepest hope that you will find the support you need before birth, during birth, and after birth in any trimester. We hope that by sharing your baby’s birth story with us, and reading ours, it will be the beginning of our shared journey toward healing.
Just use our sharing page to get started.
Tandem Nursing Grief
August 7, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Tandem: Nursing & Grieving
When a mother is in a season of breastfeeding her newborn while also nursing her toddler, it is commonly called tandem nursing.
Here at stillbirthday, we honor a different scenario of tandem nursing:
If you have faced post-loss lactation and have shared that milk:
- with a surviving multiple
- with a surviving older sibling
- with another baby, either through pumping or direct wetnursing
Or if you are a mother nursing your subsequent baby, and this has brought you into a new facet of your grief, as you mourn that nursing relationship not had with your beloved, deceased baby.
The Universal Breastfeeding Symbol is a simple blue and white logo. Here it’s been altered just slightly to honor the stillbirthday mothers who have had these experiences. You can use and share this photo from our Facebook page.
We have more information and support for mothers facing post-loss lactation, including support for expediting the drying process, donating your milk, or, using your milk in other ways that may bring a bit of healing to you during such a devastating and difficult time.
For mothers facing this “tandem nursing grief” – nursing a baby, while also nursing grief, we have a Rainbow Milk Campaign – an opportunity for you to share photos and stories of this sort of tandem nursing, and see the stories and photos shared by other stillbirthday mothers.
Related: Love Letters
Sarah-Anne is the first baby photographed in our Rainbow Milk campaign. Her mama was pregnant with triplets and lost all 3 babies. All girls, they collectively refer to them as ‘Hope’. This photo was taken during Sarah-Anne’s first birthday party; it was rainbow-themed.
Love Letters & Other Writings
August 2, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Love Letters are beautiful ways of exploring our motherhood and our bereavement authentically. They are ways we Mother Our Mourning.
We have several collections of Love Letters, including:
- To your loved ones, for their support of you along your journey. Rather than a series of thank you cards, one published message can be simpler for you.
- To your beloved, deceased baby.
- To your self or to your body.
- To your spouse.
- To your surviving and/or subsequent daughter (stillbirthday grandmothers/sisters).
- To other parents who are rearing living children while grieving (we call this Holding Umbrellas).
- To Another Mother (Hope): you can write a letter of validation, sisterhood, and hope to other mothers.
- To Another Mother (PAL): Lindsey of Stillborn & Still Breathing has authored a special program called PAL Love Letters. This is an opportunity for mothers who have experienced pregnancy after loss (PAL) to write a Love Letter to a fellow MOM who is pregnant again after loss. You can offer hope, encouragement and information as you share with her what your journey of pregnancy after loss has been like.
Sharing Your Love Letters
- Publish your Love Letter within our Remembrance Network, or,
- Just use our sharing tab to allow us to hold your Love Letters.
In addition to writing Love Letters, we have ways for you to share your baby’s birth story, add your blog to our blog roll, and more.
Reading Your Love Letters Aloud
After you have written your Love Letter, you are invited to join us on the 10th of each month {this is the first day of the month that the “0” is seen} during an online gathering we call a “Stillbirthday Party” – where we read our letters aloud, through a special online meeting space held within Stillbirthday University.
Later, you can collect all of your letters together into one Still Parenting Journal.
This photo is from Dirty Footprints Studio, a beautiful resource for creativity through bereavement.
Claim the Space
April 19, 2013 by Leave a Comment
We have a great program here at stillbirthday called Still Together. The concept is in recognizing our full family tree, and that the people we love are all together in our heart.
Claim the Space is a photography project, based on a similar concept. Click this link to view our Claim the Space collection.
Here’s an example:
In Claim the Space, you will use one of your keepsakes that represent your baby(ies), and you will take a photograph of that keepsake in special places or with special people. Indeed, your photo may very well be included in the Still Together collection, but what makes the Claim the Space collection special is that it can represent special feelings and special places as well as special people.
Keepsake ideas that represent your baby might include:
- a photo of your baby
- a zero candle – from any grocery store
- any special keepsake you have that represents your baby
Claim the Space is a way to get really creative.
Have you always dreamed of taking your first daughter to get her first hair cut or her toenails painted? Or maybe shopping for her prom dress?
Have you dreamed about taking your son to a professional baseball game? Or out on a farm to practice driving your truck?
Send in your photo, along with the story, to Heidi.faith@stillbirthday.info, with “Claim the Space” as the subject line.
Maybe a zero candle, like our stillbirthday candle, can represent your baby – a photo like this might be with your subsequent “rainbow” baby.
Did you know?
After you’ve shared your baby’s birth story here at stillbirthday, you can share anything else (we have a LOT of ways to get connected), and then you can combine all of the things you’ve shared together in one place, called our Still Parenting Diaries.
Still Together
April 2, 2013 by Leave a Comment
Yesterday, at the stillbirthday Facebook page, I shared this:
“In English folklore butterflies were said to be the souls of babies who had not yet been named. The act of naming a child is believed to be a covenant that binds the baby to the physical world – now he is a member of our family and a wider community.” ~With Child
Following this, I extended an invitation to parents to share the names of their babies. That names list is long and growing.
Last night, as I was thinking on the very different but very real ways we parent both our living and our deceased children, the thought occurred to me, that there are very few ways to parent all of our children, together.
Which brings me to this, that because we parent our deceased children, we are, in fact, still together.
So, there is now a place, at stillbirthday, where you can keep all of your children, still together, just like they are, in your heart.
Do you have a photo that includes your living and your deceased children together? Ways might include:
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A photo of you pregnant, while visiting your deceased child at the cemetery
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A photo of one of your surviving children holding your deceased baby
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A family photo that includes a special token of symbolism to represent your baby
If you don’t have such a photo, you can simply write the names of all of your children, living and deceased, together. Just a simple little place, really, where you can come and see the names of all of your children, together.
How to share your Still Together entry:
Whether a photo or a written list of all of your children, you can share your Still Together entry by emailing to Heidi.faith@stillbirthday.info with “Still Together” as the subject line, or you can use the Share Your Story link. Contributions are held in a special section of stillbirthday entitled Still Together.
Start Here
November 19, 2011 by 15 Comments
Dignity in Birth. Healing in Bereavement.
Welcome to StillBirthDay.
If you are miscarrying right now, or have just found out that when your pregnancy is over your baby will likely not survive, this website is the right place for you.
I am so very sorry.
It is my hope that this website will help you to:
- learn a little bit about the kind of pregnancy/infant loss you are having
- learn about your baby’s most recent development in the womb
- be able to see an actual picture of a baby that is the same size as yours (only if you wish). For greater accuracy, choose the age that your baby last measured at.
- be able to read stories from other parents who endured pregnancy & infant loss at the same age as yours (only if you wish). You can view the listing of gestation weeks in the right sidebar of the screen, followed by other groups of stories, such as stories from dads, stories of parents of multiples, and those from parents of children with a fatal diagnosis. Some stories are password protected. You can learn what the password is, and what it means to use it.
- learn more about the kinds of birth methods you might have for your baby
- find ways to make the birth of your miscarried or stillborn baby meaningful
- consider including a professionally trained Stillbirthday Birth and Bereavement Doula (SBD) in your birth plans. Our doulas offer emotional and physical support prior to, during and after the birth of your miscarried or stillborn baby. You can also view a list of professionals who chose to list their names here at stillbirthday to provide support in the capacity of bereavement photographers, post loss lactation professionals, and more, all available in your state or online.
- explore farewell celebrations that will help you grieve in a healthy way
- come back to this site later, to utilize long term support services and resources listed here, and when you’re ready, to share your story, if you wish. You are always welcome back.
All of the links you need are listed at the top of the page; however, everything listed above has also been arranged in a way that will allow you to just click different options on each page and be taken to the specific path of information that is right for you, and will answer everything listed above in an easy to understand order. All you have to do is click the Start Here link, and we will walk through this together. You can do this. We will do this together.
If you are visiting stillbirthday for the first time, please be sure to scroll through our main home page, as it has current giveaway opportunities, beautiful artwork, still parenting journals, our amazing sponsors, and more.
~~~
Important disclaimer: this is an informational site only, and should not be used to diagnose or treat any medical condition. Please consult your healthcare provider for medical information. Because this is not a medical website, we passionately strive to provide you with explanations that are sensitive and personal and not bound by medical terminology.
~~~
If you are a friend or a loved one to someone losing a baby, this website is right for you. I pray that you will be able to explore positive, constructive ways to support your loved one, as well as find healing and support for your own grieving heart. Thank you so very much for being here. Please use our Before Birth section that holds a great amount of links and valuable resources that you might present to your loved one.
If you have lost your baby at any time in the past, this website is right for you. I pray that you will be able to find healing and inspirational expressions of love for your child and closure to the grief. I pray that you will be able to reach out to other hurting parents by sharing your story with us. If you have had a “rainbow baby”, meaning you’ve given birth to a live baby subsequent to a pregnancy or infant loss, we’d love to add your story to the getting pregnant again section, to offer hope to other parents, and invite you to view our subsequent pregnancy support section. Additionally, if you are pregnant now, and have had a loss at any time in the past, we have a section of helpful resources for you.
If your baby has died shortly after birth (neonatal death), including SIDS or fatal diagnosis, this website is right for you. I pray you will be able to explore all of your postpartum options here, including lactation decisions, funeral planning, and fertility decisions such as trying to conceive again. You are also invited to share your story , and it will be held in the Newborn story section, which also includes fatal diagnosis.
Please view our resources based on the specific fertility, pregnancy, infant or child loss you’ve experienced.
If you are the father of a miscarried or stillborn baby, your feelings and experiences are just as real and valid as the mother’s. We have a growing section of resources specific to pregnancy loss support for dads and invite you to share your story and read the stories of other stillbirthday fathers.
If you are a professional or volunteer interested in supporting families through loss, bless you. I pray this website will allow you to have a glimpse of what pregnancy loss is like, so that you can cultivate respectful empathy and a loving, servant heart toward broken hearted parents. You also need support through grief, so please visit our Provider Care section, where you come first. Thank you so very much for being here.
If you have completed our birth and bereavement training, I invite you to consider advancing your knowledge by hosting a workshop, becoming an SBD Chaplain, a regional representative, a member of our diversity team, or an official affiliate. Or, simply consider other ways you can get involved, such as through our mentorship program, prayer team, news team, Love Cupboard program, or view our Connections information including how to become a local representative.
If you would like to read our stories, please visit our sharing invitation to learn what the password is, and what it means to use it.
The founder of stillbirthday is a birth and bereavement doula and the mother of a baby born in the first trimester. You can view pieces of Heidi’s story.
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