Somewhere in my adult life, I learned that one of the most valuable, validating things I can say to someone I love, is simply,
I want to watch you.
Presence is an action, even when you are still.
Presence offers reinforcement, validation, and self-esteem.
As bereaved parents, we want to know that this journey that we’re stumbling on, that it even matters, or that it’s even noticeable, to anyone else.
That, from the outside in, this journey is real.
We want to be reminded that what we are working on, working through and working toward is valuable.
That’s it. It’s really, that simple.
If you don’t believe me, try it in your own life.
Tell your son, that you just want to watch him play his video game.
Tell your teenage daughter that you want to watch her put her makeup on.
Tell your toddler that you want to watch him color.
Tell your man that you want to watch him mow the lawn.
Tell your wife you want to watch her cook.
When you slow down to enter into the person’s reality, you will see that presence is an action. You will see that becoming engaged in what they are doing will inspire you to enter into their situation more authentically and more richly.
Not only will you be better able to identify any needs the person may have – the person will also be more receptive to you.
Try it.
I want to watch you.
It’s really where we need you to start.
