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Post Loss Lactation Tattoo

July 5, 2014 by Leave a Comment

 

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“esta madre se tatua en el pecho a su bebe que fallecio me dejo sin palabras”

translation:

“Tattoo on this mother nursing her baby who passed away left me speechless.”

This photo (source*) was shared with stillbirthday by the amazing mother and doula, Gena Kirby, at Progressive Parenting.

You can visit our milksharing map for more resources on post loss lactation.

 

 

 

*The original source has had a watermarking/authorship debate and whether it is a true tattoo.  This brings up a valuable point for bereaved parents that deciding on a tattoo – even the smallest one – is a commitment.  Tattoos do not equate a higher level of love, but instead are merely a single opportunity, of many, to express our love.   The photo is shared by stillbirthday as an opportunity to demonstrate a powerful message – and that message is this – post-loss lactation is a very real representation of our very real baby.  It is something we can nurture in whatever lactation decisions we make, including cessation or donation.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Beyond Words (art/photos), Diversity, Donating Decisions, Still Remembered, Still Loved

El Momento mas Importante

February 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Told by: Maria

” A la noche nos toco contarle a mi familia, todos lloraron de emoción y alegria, mi papa P, mi mama Mm, y mi hermana menor Hm, mi Abuela B, fue un momento de mucha felicidad, era el momento mas importante de mi vida luego del casamiento.”

An excerpt from my journal on the day I discovered I was pregnant:

“That night we planned to tell my family.  They all cried with excitement and joy, my papa P , my mom Mm, and my younger sister Hm, my Grandma B.  It was a moment of great happiness.  It was the most important moment of my life after marriage.”

 

Hi, I am from Latin America.  I am going through trofoblastic disease/molar pregnancy chemotherapy and would like to connect with women who are in the same situation as me. Right now I finished my first week of mtx & levocarin (vitamin). I am feeling quite well, except from some nausea and weakness.

 

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Filed Under: Blighted Ovum / Molar, Diversity

The Love of Two Aunts

November 10, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Told by: Jalisa

We waited over 5 years to get pregnant, and my husband and I were so excited to finally conceive.

My pregancy was so perfect and beautiful and I enjoyed every minute. My Jaisie Mariana was such a joyful and playful baby girl. She was always moving. I run a daycare from home and one morning she did not wake me up at her normal 6:30am. I thought she was sleeping in and went on to care for the other children.

By lunch time I felt that something was wrong but couldn’t leave my daycare kids alone. My sister was also headed out of town and I had her 2 girls. I began to get a crippling pain on my left side that lasted about 45 minutes. When my husband got off work he couldn’t get Jaisie to move either, like he normally could.

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After getting the girls to bed I finally headed to the emergency room solo at 11pm thinking they would send me home like the last 2 times (once heartburn and once major headaches). Around midnight the nurse tried to find her heartbeat for 15min. When she couldn’t they called in an ultrasound. The tech ran out. Minutes later a team of 5 doctors came in and said her heart had stopped. Nobody tried to save my baby! I gave birth 30hours later naturally after 2hrs of pushing on October 13, 2012 to my 6lb 1.75oz angel who was 20inches long. I had lost my first born at 37 weeks! The placenta had separated. Her cord was also tied around her arm, leg, and neck. I tested positive for group b strep which made labor painful on the right side. I ended up finding out I had choreoamneonitis; which I think came from an infection I got following a root canal I had done at 24 weeks. No one informed me until I wound up back in the hospital 2 weeks after birth with severe swelling they attributed to postpartum preeclampsia. Since I chose to bury my baby and not have her autopsied there was no way for me to prove the hospital or oral sugeons negligence. My life has been a mess since. I now suffer anxiety and depression. Especially after my sister took her own life in July. She left behind 5 kids that I am now struggling to see.Those were always my babies too. When I lost my daughter they were all I had and the father of the three girls is trying to keep them away. She tried to give me the girls because she wanted to take away my pain and had her own personal issues, but her husband would not allow it. Now she is gone too. Hope is hard to come by these days. But through all of this I have the most loving, supportive, dedicated, selfless husband there is walking right beside me.

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Filed Under: 37 weeks, Diversity, Infertility / Recurrent Loss

Jaisie’s Daddy

November 8, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Shared by: Jalisa

My husband and I have been married 5 years, and have struggled with infertility just as long.

He has been my backbone and encouragement through all of this emotional strain. I don’t know where I would be without all the love he has for me and our precious angel baby. He attended every doctors appointment and does everything he can to make sure his family is always taken care of. I’ve never met such an amazing person as him.

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Filed Under: 37 weeks, Dads, Diversity, Infertility / Recurrent Loss, Love Letters to My Spouse

223 Days

November 8, 2013 by 2 Comments

Told by: Sibyl

In August 2012, we found that we were pregnant with our 4th child. We were shocked to find out because at the time I was on birth control. I admit, I cried a few tears. I was so scared. There was no way that I could handle 4 kids!!! My husband comforted and encouraged me, and in a few days I became excited about our new little bean. I went into my obgyn office to have the pregnancy confirmed, and set up an appointment for our first ultrasound.

 

October 29, the day of our ultrasound appointment arrived. My husband had taken off work to be there. We loaded our 3 girls into the car, dropped them off at grandma’s house and then headed to the doctor’s office. We made jokes and chatted excitedly as we waited for the ultrasound to begin. The tech placed the wand on my abdomen and looked around for what seemed like an eternity. She looked at my paper work and asked if I was sure of the date of my last period. Of course I was, I’d taken my birth control perfectly. She suggested it was too early to see anything on her older equipment, and the doctor referred us out to a specialist. We had our first higher level ultrasound later that day that confirmed 2 yolk sacs, 2 fetal poles, but no heartbeats measuring 7 weeks. We went back for our follow up ultrasound, and on 11/12/2012, our 6th wedding anniversary we got the news. There was no growth and no heartbeat. I had a D&C on 11/13/2012.
Our story doesn’t end there. After our missed miscarriage, I was hurt, but I found comfort in knowing this was God’s plan. I was hopeful that he would bless us with another baby in the future, so I started praying. On March 13, 2013, we had our pregnancy confirmed at my obgyn’s office. This time there were no tears. I was over the moon!!! I had prayed, and God had answered. We were having our rainbow baby. His EDD was 11/13/2013, a year to the date of our D&C. This had to be God’s plan.

 

Because of our previous loss, my doctor had us come in every 2 weeks to check on the baby’s growth. Everything looked perfect. My husband and I were too excited to wait until the anatomy scan, so we went for an elective scan. We found out that day that we were having a boy. Our first boy after 3 little girls. This was just perfect!!

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My pregnancy progressed normally throughout the next few months. We were all so excited. We started buying cute little boy clothes and cloth diapers. Our 3 girls (ages 2,4,6) couldn’t wait to meet their little brother, and neither could I.  I felt great….life was great!!

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On September 17, everything changed. My youngest daughter woke me up early as usual and we lay in my bed watching cartoons. Usually our little man was kicking like crazy, but that morning I felt nothing. I poked and prodded, but figured he was having a lazy day. I went about the rest of morning, homeschooled the girls and made lunch. Usually the baby would kick when I say down for lunch, but nothing. I started to get worried. I drink some juice and tried laying on my side. Nothing. I tried to find his heart beat with the Doppler, nothing. I called the doctor’s office and they told me to head to labor and delivery to get monitored. I cooked dinner, waited for my husband to get home to stay with the girls and headed to the hospital.

 

After getting me hooked up to the monitors and an ultrasound, it was confirmed that our little one no longer had a heartbeat. I couldn’t believe that this had happened. I mean this boy was our rainbow. I had prayed for him. On September 18 at 1:18 pm Anthony DeWayne Lilly Jr was born silent at 32 weeks. He weighed 4 lbs 8 oz and measured 18 1/2 inches long. He was completely perfect from head to toe.

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It’s been 34 days since I delivered my angel Aj.
34 days ago, I wasn’t sure how we were going to go on with our lives without our son. How were we going to tell our girls? What about the dreams we had for AJ’s future? But our God is awesome!! His strength has sustained us, brought us closer to him. My testimony has just begun. I have hope that the past is not the prediction for the future, and that sorrow is not what is promises for the rest of our lives. God’s promises are real and true, and I know that his blessings will continue to fall on our family. I have felt God’s presence even more since we lost Aj, and I’m not ashamed to say that all my strength has come from him. He has given me hope and peace. God is good!

I will praise you forever for what you have done; in your name I will hope, for your name is good.

I will praise you in the presence of your saints. Psalm 52:9

223 days….the number of days my little man grew in my tummy. A life so short has made such an impact on me. I am forever changed! I’ve been broken into a million pieces, but God continues to glue those pieces back together, cementing them with his strength and love. I am a work in progress…..and Aj dear son, you have helped mommy grow in ways I never imagined. I know that God told you “well done” when he welcomed you home.

I thank God for you.

Filed Under: 32 weeks, All Multiples, Diversity

Long Term Healing/Perspectives

July 26, 2011 by 3 Comments

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SBD: Supporting Bereavement Diversity

 

 

 

This enormous section of stillbirthday provides bereavement support specific to:

gender, age, religion/faith, culture,  family lifestyle &  other diverse groups.

To add a resource, simply leave a comment below.

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 Stillbirthday Fathers deserve support as the supporters.

Photo belongs to the amazing Canary Lane Photography Studio and
SBD doula student.

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~Fathers~

Fertility Challenges

Bereavement

Other Bereavement Support for DADs

 

 

 

Media which reference Men and Fathers Grief

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{click photo for video}

 

 

 

Couples

Mentorship Program for Fathers

Keepsakes for Fathers

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You have permission to use this photo.  Just visit stillbirthday on Facebook to find and share it.

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Healing Resources Specific to Children:

Children, Teens and Grief

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{General} Healing Resources:

 

“Niche” Support

  • While many aspects of bereavement and healing are universal, we have support resources listed especially for the type of experience you’ve had.  Just use our “types of loss” section to gather those resources.  We here at stillbirthday say that grief is a language, that each of us speak a particular dialect of it.  In the language of bereavement, we can learn to celebrate our similarities while honoring our differences.

 

Groups, Counselors and Programs for Bereavement (by location)

 

“Timetables” for Grief

 

Grief and Social Networking

 

Identifying & Understanding aspects of Bereavement

 

Similar and/or Compounding Issues to Grief

 

Creativity through Bereavement

 

Finding Intentional Joy

It is important to know that you can laugh again, and that it’s not a dishonor to your lost child.  Plan intentional activities that you have always found to be enjoyable – watching your favorite movie, eating at your favorite restaurant, shopping at your favorite store.  Be safe, and let yourself hear your laughter or feel yourself really smile.

 

Holidays

 

Books, Crisis Hotlines and other Long Term Resources

 

Sexual and Intimate Relationship After Loss

 

Military Family Resources:

Military: blogs and other links:

 

Single Parenthood:

 

Special Needs / Differently Abled Parents:

In whatever way or ways an individual may be considered to have special needs, there are resources and support specific to those circumstances and what you may be facing.  It is virtually impossible to maintain a list of every diagnosis, definition or challenge that a person may be a survivor of and then place that list alongside birth and bereavement support, but what we have begun to do is collect the resources that do speak to the combination of both sexuality and disability, to provide avenues for you that ought to branch out into extensive resources.  Growing this list is important, and if you have an idea to add, please email Heidi.Faith@stillbirthday.info to send it in.

 

LGBTQ+:

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  • QTPOC (queer/transgender people of color)
  • Mommy, Mama and Me (a children’s storybook)
  • LGBTQ+ Storieslove
  • LGBTQ+ Fertility Resources & Support
  • LGBTQ+ Family Planning
  • LGBTQ+ Books
  • Loss after ART
  • Lesbian Miscarriage
  • Lesbian Miscarriage Support Group
  • Dr. Deb Rich, specializing in lesbian perinatal psychology
  • Keenan’s mothers share their beautiful, tragic story, with a powerful message:

    “We feel strongly that privatizing such events serves only to isolate people, we believe that it doesn’t allow other families openly grieve a stillborn, nor easily access support they may need or want in doing so. In acknowledging life we need to also acknowledge death, make it safe to grieve and encourage people to be present with their emotions/feelings/thoughts.”

    From their photographer, Jozi Grant:

    “Friends and family of Keenan’s mothers recently congregated at the Squamish Nation Shaker Church to celebrate Keenan with a ceremonial food offering to set his spirit free. It was held on a beautiful day with the North Shore mountains watching over us. The Squamish Minister offered an uplifting perspective on the passing of this precious boy. He explained that though Keenan’s parents may sometimes wonder if they are being punished in some way, they should know that they were, in fact, especially chosen to bring a lost soul back and facilitate his freedom. It resonated with me – such a beautiful way to look at such a painful loss.”

 

Cultural & Spiritual Resources:

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Jalisa and her daughter Jaisie at 36 weeks, just one week before baby Jaisie died.

For Cultural and Spiritual Farewell Custom Resources – please visit our Farewell Celebrations section

Fertility & Bereavement Support for Families of Color

 

Alternative Therapies:

“EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a simple tapping technique that allows you to relieve distress by gently tapping on certain acupressure points on your body while focusing on the particular issue.

With pregnancy loss, we may also be feeling trauma, anger, guilt, and fear in addition to normal grief.  EFT will not get rid of normal grief, but it can help release unnecessary distress, so that you aren’t so weighed down and are able to move through the stages of grief more easily. 

A few sessions with an experienced EFT practitioner can be helpful & give you the tools you need to help yourself when the waves of grief feel overwhelming.  EFT can also be helpful for your partner and any family members who need support with their feelings.” – Sondra Rose

Agnostic/Atheist Resources:

Shop:

We have a listing of special momentos, charms, books and other merchandise especially created in honor of various cultures, religions and beliefs, including alternative healing stones and more in our momentos section.

 

 

 

Share Your Story!

If you have utilized any of these diversity resources, perspectives and activities and would like to let other families know about them, please consider joining the SBD news team or sharing your story here at stillbirthday.

 

 

Healing Resources Specific to Mothers:

Menstruation after Pregnancy Loss

Trying to Conceive (TTC) after Loss

Returning to Other Responsibilities After Loss

Mentorship Program for Mothers

Filed Under: all, Dads, Diversity, LGBTQ+, Siblings

The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.