During this time last year, I had an irresistible desire to make something tangible which other bereaved mothers could hold.  And it isn’t perfect, it’s chock full of grammatical errors, but I published my first book, The Invisible Pregnancy.

A month before the book went to print, however, I offered a preview as part of an exciting challenge to mothers, which I called The Grief Dare.  Each mother who participated received a free portion of the book and were instructed to simply respond how she felt best.  The Grief Dare was an arduous journey of opening up one’s relationship with her emotions, thoughts, spiritual beliefs and her spouse.  It was a difficult task to be a part of The Grief Dare, to say the least.  The giveaway itself was decided purely by endurance and transparency, not at all by perfection or by any other measure.

What incentive did I offer the participants?  A necklace and earring set, priced at $250, which was a gift to stillbirthday from the very special Dr. Laura Schlessinger (yes, really, the Dr. Laura).

The set is made with 18k gold ink, Amethyst, fresh water pearls, Vermiel caps, and beads.  With “FAITH” written in Scrabble letters on one side and beautiful cherubs on the other, the beautiful necklace is reversible and able to be worn both ways.

Why am I mentioning this a year later then, you might ask?

The mother who rightfully earned this necklace set, she did something extraordinary.

After completing her Grief Dare, Colleen gifted the necklace set right back to stillbirthday.

Just as the set was gifted to stillbirthday, unconditionally, the recipient challenged herself to her Grief Dare, unconditionally.

So I’ve held this beautiful set with this amazing history wondering how I can possibly honor the magnitude of what has already been put into it.

And I’ve decided we need another giveaway.

I’ve spent the first two years of stillbirthday keeping my face hidden from public, because I have wanted you to know that stillbirthday is yours.  But in the past few months I have felt your personal love, your personal acceptance of who I am, your invitation to remind me that I am not alone.

And so I come to you now to share with you where my heart is, to show you my face, to reveal to you what my personal Grief Dare is for 2014.

I have just one task before me, and I’m preparing for it with a timeframe – not just by the full landscape of the full year before me, but I’m breaking it down into much, much smaller portions.    Smaller than months, than weeks, than days.

My task set before me is this:  I am losing weight.

Not physical weight, you see, because physical weight is just that, it’s physical.  My hunger runs much deeper; down to the depths of my soul I have an appetite that has been tormented by unhealth.  I have consumed and fed it junk for far too long.  I must decide to ingest sustenance.

I am going to release the weight of fear.

The fear of being accountable to the littleness that I am.

But also, even more than that?  The fear of being accountable to the greatness that I am.

Together I will call this, my journey to honor my little greatness.

So I’ve layed out my long term vision, that by the end of 2014 I hope to have a certainty in this truth much deeper than I do today.

And I’ve layed out my meal plan in the smaller portions, the consumable bites, the moment-by-moment manna.  This that I need, slimming it down to even just one word, that I can keep in my mind and ready on my tongue, absolutely whenever I need to take a bite of it:

Unconditional.

I am able to receive love, this very moment.  Love, unconditional.

I am able to give love, this very moment, Love, unconditional.

I am able to be love, this very moment.  Love, unconditional.

Even in imperfections, mistakes, weaknesses, even in the moments – the long moments – when I fear that I am not able, I will learn to believe this:

I am secure.  Oh, yes this.

I am secure, unconditional.

This, this is what I am most afraid to believe.  This, though, is what I most desperately need to know.

I am aware that I will need to feed this new mantra of mine to make sure it will sustain me for the whole of next year.  And so I am thrilled to unpack a weight of my fear right here, right now, to tell you:

I’m beginning counseling.

My background in social work, my love for doula work, my passion for stillbirthday, my adoration for my family, my faith in God, these things are valuable treasures that have helped hold me on through the many challenges I have faced both in and out of stillbirthday.  But like the newest member at the local gym, nothing quite beats having a session or ten with a personal trainer; someone who can see you for you, where you’re at, and where you truly desire to be.  And you can bet you’ll be hearing about my newest adventures!

So what about you?

When the easier way to deal with things gets peeled back, when your scabbed wounds are re-exposed, re-examined, what in your life do you need to know is unconditional?  What do you need to know so that those broken places can receive the true, penetrating, healing care they need, cleansed in mercy, wrapped in love?

Unconditional.

Tell me about it at our Unconditional event page, and share how you will train, dare I say condition your soul to be satisfied by the true goodness of this healthy mantra and how you will plan to resist the indulgence of stuffing on insecurities, of setting silent expectations of others and unrealistic demands on your weary soul and how you will release the weight of your fears to find authentic joy and the lightness of love.

I am terrified for this journey, but for the first time in a very long time, I am allowing myself to be so very excited precisely because of that.

I will laugh at the days to come, I will believe that I am loved, I will know that I am secure, unconditional.  This is not past tense, with the benefit of time to offer a temporary balm to my racing heart.  This is me.  Starting, right, now.

Let us begin.

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A Giveaway!

Of the entire year, the climactic days of  raising awareness of pregnancy & infant loss are upon us.

So I want to challenge you, I want to stretch you, to share about the aspects of your experience that are perhaps the most divisive.

We are all in this together, and we all have a right to healing.

During this week, we’ll be sharing perspectives, photos and stories, both here at the website and at our facebook page.  And four random people will be drawn from all stories and photos to receive one of the four giveaway items.

In honor of last week’s Day of the Girl, October 11, a day to recognize justice issues that girls face, I’ll be giving away three tee shirts from Project Rescue, and one copy of their book, “Beyond the Shame”.

Project Rescue serves in India, voted the worst country in the world for women.  They rescue women and children from the sexual trafficking of the red light district.

These young women become pregnant, endure miscarriage, stillbirth, give birth and endure forced abortion and all in the most horrendous of conditions.

I share this with you, because there are many differences among our experiences of pregnancy and infant loss: miscarriage, stillbirth, and so on.

These differences can be celebrated, but are too often divisive – becoming dark walls that trap us in and bind us to shame and unworthiness.

Here are a couple of examples:

• A mother gives birth on the cusp of miscarriage and stillbirth.  Her baby is called a miscarriage, although she defines her experience as a stillbirth.
• A mother contemplates elective abortion, but then has a miscarriage.  Now she feels she is to blame.
• A mother gives birth via elective abortion, but she tells you she had a miscarriage.

There are many, many aspects of our experiences that can seem isolating and even shaming.  And it can seem like the furthest thing we want to do is to share these things, but I want to stretch you, I want to invite you, to consider the freeing opportunity there is in speaking into our shame.  Daring to share what others may not yet be able to, holding your hand out to them that they can be released from the bondage of isolation, that they can believe in healing, that they can trust in hope.

If there is an aspect to your experience that you say, “That part is just too painful, others will not understand, I am all alone” I want to reach out and take your hand.  I want to whisper to your hurting heart that you are not alone, that your dignity is intact, that there is support for exactly that very part of your experience.  And I want to ask you, if you’d consider, sharing this part with others.  You can even do it anonymously.  Our sharing page gives you my email to do so (Heidi.faith@stillbirthday.info).

Please share your story by using our sharing page, and all stories will be entered into our giveaway, which will close and names will be drawn on Sunday, October 20th.  This opportunity is open to every share made as a comment below, made in individual stories through our sharing page, and the stories and comments shared through our facebook page.  It is also open internationally.

And, if you do not feel there is a specific element of shame hidden in your experience, please, I implore you, stay near to stillbirthday, here and at our facebook page, over the next several days, as the stillbirthday community dares to break free from bondage holding us in darkness.  Please, be ready, with a warm heart, with lots of validation, with lots of love.  Your encouraging words enter you into the giveaway as well.

Come, let us cast out shame.  Speak your dialect.

Let us heal, together.

About the giveaway items:

I purchased the book and 3 tee shirts from Project Rescue.  Entire proceeds of these shirts go toward the needs of girls and women in brothels in India.  The shirts are red, and are in one of each size: small, medium and large.  The sizing is similar to (but in my opinion just a smidgen smaller than) men’s sizes.  The first name selected will have first choice, and so on.  If a name is selected and the tee shirt sizing does not match, arrangements will be made to get the right sizing, although the color may be different.

If you have already shared a stillbirthday story that includes this element of darkness we are shining light into, you can simply comment below with the link to your story to be entered into the giveaway.

I am so extremely excited to begin the new classroom environment for our online, comprehensive birth & bereavement doula program.  If you haven’t yet checked out what our program is all about, you can view the registration information here.

Connecting with Microsoft a couple of months ago, Angie and I have been working hard to set the environment just right in the new classroom.  And let me just say, it is amazing.  You can click on over to Stillbirthday University to take a sneak preview at a couple of the photos taken early on in the construction process as we’ve been setting things up.

With all of the newest tools and resources to make the ultimate learning environment, trusting foundation, collaborative setting ever, our academically rigorous and emotionally intensive, comprehensive birth and bereavement training program has now become even better.

Celebrating the ways that technology  –  a simple ability to log online – can connect bereaved mothers and compassionate people from all experiences and from all over the world, we want to present you with an opportunity to receive your very own personal computer.

Stillbirthday is offering one Microsoft 8 Laptop complete with pink Touch Cover, for absolutely free, to one student.  The name selected will be drawn from all students registered by December 28, 2013 – this includes all students who have already completed their registration for the next session.

You might say the Microsoft RT is like the iPad, but better.

You can click here to learn more about the Microsoft 8 Laptop, and then here to learn more about the pink Touch Cover accessory, which will also come free.

Yes, in fact, this is a $430 total value, for free.

Families giving birth in any trimester have a right to be cared for with dignity, with accurate information and with compassion.  If you have a call on your heart to come alongside these families, then I am passionate about equipping you with the tools we have to prepare you.  I want you to succeed and I want families to be supported.

This is a seriously awesome giveaway, but I am seriously passionate about reaching families, and reaching those who will serve them.  Yes, I really bought these items, and yes I’m really giving them away, brand new in the box.  We’re all in this together and it is my honor that we are.  May we all remember the value in one another on this journey.

Register today for the SBD doula training.  Just visit the main registration page to learn more about the course, the content, and the complete registration process.

The fine print:

There are only 20 students per training session.  The sooner you enroll, the sooner you can reserve the class session you prefer.  Sessions start in January, April, July and October.   You can learn more about registration timeframes and sessions and link to our current roster from the registration page.

The scholarships for the January session have already been awarded, and the scholarships for the following sessions will not be determined until the middle of the January session.

If you are a sponsored student, your enrollment is counted after your sponsorship is complete.

Our Rainbow Milk Teethers are here!

If you have experienced pregnancy and infant loss, and are pregnant or nursing your “rainbow/subsequent” baby, this necklace is for you.

This nursing/teething necklace is a natural and beautiful accessory that will match every outfit you wear, and will give your new baby a perfectly fitting grip to hold as he or she snuggles in close with you.

You can get your rainbow teether/nursing necklace, plus engraving, for only $28!

We’re calling this the Rainbow Milk necklace – as your subsequent/rainbow baby holds to the necklace, they can hold to their sibling’s name as well.

After you receive your necklace, have a photo taken of you wearing it while nursing or holding your subsequent/rainbow baby, and send your photo to Heidi.faith@stillbirthday.info with “Rainbow Milk” as the subject line.  From the first 10 photos, those mothers will be entered into a drawing for a giveaway of our Be You Tiful tee!

View more items from the stillbirthday shop!

Price includes shipping within the U.S.   Maximum character count is 25.  After you complete the form, please use the yellow button below to complete your purchase (to ship outside the US, simply fill out the form and I’ll send you an invoice that includes shipping.)