My Heart Remembers

A giveaway!

We received such an enormous response from our first giveaway from Handmade Jillry, that we are offering another of her lovely pieces!

Enter to win this beautiful necklace – a remembrance ribbon in a heart.

To enter:

Use your creativity.  Get out the colored pencils, the crepe paper, the paint, whatever art supplies you have, and create a pink and blue remembrance ribbon.  Snap a photo, send it to Heidi.Faith@stillbirthday.info, and you’ll be entered in our drawing – one random entry will be selected.  The winner will be selected on December 1, 2012.

The message of this giveaway, of your artwork, of this necklace, is that your heart remembers.

This giveaway is open to families whose ribbon is pink and blue because of pregnancy and infant loss, and for families whose ribbon is pink and blue because of prematurity.

Entries:

This giveaway is now closed.

The winner is number two.  Congratulations!  Please use the contact form at the top of the page, or email Heidi Faith, to enter in your mailing address to receive the beautiful necklace!

We Still Have Work

 

{Take a peek at what we are doing for the 2013 Remembrance}

 

 

A carefully handwritten list of nearly 400 babies, a scarf, and my “rainbow” baby (who isn’t my rainbow) came along with me to stillbirthday’s first ever balloon release.

I arrived, gasping, more nervous than ever before – the sight of other cars – oh, dear Lord, I really am not alone.

Kevo the Klown blew funny balloons for the kiddos, Carol the balloon lady worked hard putting lights into and blowing up 100 balloons, while the rest of us met and mingled.

A news reporter arrived.

I worked through my total overwhelm as I tried to send the simple message into the camera

 “if you are out there, and if you have endured loss, you are not alone.”

One stillbirthday mother was presented with a very honoring gift from her husband.  She had endured a miscarriage alone, before marrying him.  He told her, “You’ve endured the lonliness of this experience for far too long.”  He then presented her with a certificate of spiritual adoption, in which he commited to carrying forth the legacy of her child as his own.

Then, we gathered in a circle, and it was time.  Time to speak our children’s names, time to voice our realities, time to honor and remember.

Jesus wept.

It’s the shortest verse in the Bible, but I want to look at the setting in which, Jesus wept.

Lazarus, His friend, had died.

Lazarus, Mary and Martha were all siblings, and each were friends with Jesus.  And yet, when Lazarus died, Jesus wasn’t there.  In fact, scripture tells us that Jesus the person didn’t show up until several days later (this was to ensure the indesputible miracle which was to take place).

When Martha saw Him in the distance, she ran to Him.

She ran to Him, and she cried, “Where have You been?”

“If You had been here, this wouldn’t have happened!”

Haven’t we felt that way?

Mary ran to Him.

“Jesus – can’t You?  Can’t You – bring him back?”

Jesus wept.

I want to challenge you, to consider that Jesus saw His friend, in the only place that is safe.  The only place that is all love.  And as He called Lazarus back from that place, through the veil of tears, back into our world of darkness, confusion and sadness, Jesus wept.

Our life is hard.  Jesus knows, our work is hard.

I’ve recieved many platitudes and cliches through my experience.  Things like

“Now you have your own personal guardian angel.”

As if he’s sitting on my shoulder now, somehow sprinkling good luck throughout my day.

As if his life isn’t valuable enough.

No, his work is done.

He is in the only place that is safe.  The only place that is all love.

I am the one still here.  I am the one still with work to do.

And, Jesus knows, this life is hard.  This work is hard.

When God called the three men from the firey furnace, do you know?  They didn’t even smell of smoke.

But when Jesus called Lazarus from the grave, scripture tells us, he probably stunk.

Wearing his burial cloths, he stepped out of his dark, cold, lonely tomb.  And he stunk.

Jesus then instructed those around Lazarus to help remove his burial cloths.

Maybe you feel as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?

Jesus brought Lazarus out of his dark place, but He instructed those around him to remove the burial cloths.

We are still here.  We still have work to do.

And, Jesus knows, our work is hard.

 

Using a scarf as a representation of that burial cloth, we each wrapped it around our neck.  We wore this cloth, and then spoke our truth.  Spoke what we’ve endured.  Spoke who we represent.  Spoke who we remember.

Spoke of the darkest of places we’ve been.

Then, the person next to us, entered into our story.  Entered into our life.

Saw our tears.

Touched us.

Removed the burial cloth.

Validated.

Honored.

Then, wrapped it around their own neck, and told their own story.

 

After we each took our turn, it was time to let our light shine.

Of course, it’s hard to see in the photos, but each balloon had a lightbulb inside, glowing.

As long as we are still here, we still have this work to do.

We still have to find our little light, and let it rise above, to be a beacon of hope and healing to others who are in that darkest, coldest, loneliest place.

It’s hard work.  Jesus knows, it’s hard work.

But we are validated.

Jesus wept.

You aren’t alone.

Have you felt as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?

Come, step forward.  Let us here at stillbirthday help you remove your burial cloth.

Because, if you are here, you still have work to do, too.

 

The stillbirthday families who attended, helped to honor nearly 400 more families who couldn’t attend.  This is from the handwritten list I brought with me:

Christian Gaskin

Baby Townsend

Mary Beth

Aquila

Baby Miller

Baby Stolc

Shahzad

Bujji

Eric

Tia

Christopher

Orion

C.M.

Clayton

Sophie

Julia

Hope

Skywalker

Baby Sims

Elijah

Nathan John

Baby Hall #2

Baby Hall #3

Baby Hall #4

Baby JC

Joy Comes

Maxwell aunt/uncle

Maxwell friend

Noelle

Gabriel

Lily Katherine

Luke Shiloh

Presley Brooklyn

Casper David

Logan Graham

Kamryn Olivia

Dejuva Bearlys

Baby Forbes #1

Baby Forbes #2

Aria

Alana Grace

Kelly Marie

Tristan Alexander

Ava Juliette

Ayden Simon

Lyla Annilie

Samantha Lynn

Everett John

Ethan James

Kelli’s Baby #1

Kelli’s Baby #2

Kelli’s Baby #3

Kelli’s Baby #4

Kelli’s Baby #5

Lucas Henry

William Joseph

Emily’s Baby

Madilynn Isabell

Landon Michael

Audriana Hope

Noah Bradlee

Angel Demers

Emma Grace

Brylee Catherine

Bryce Thomas

Keiran William

Cheyenne Elizabeth

Avery Morgan

Holden Keppel

Finley Jay

Angelica G.

Jonathon M.

Charlie B.

Serenity B.

Peanut B.

Aiden Joshua

Emily Rose – friends, family

Marcos Morales

Baby Angel

Preston Arthur

Erum Brown – Larson

Jade Marie

Hazel Grace

Laylah Ariela

Madison Lucianna

Ayden

Myles

Charlie

Andy

AJ

Baby Culbertson #1

Baby Culbertson #2

Brody Max

Gabriella Lynn

Angelita Kaylee

Alexander Michael

Silas Benjamin

Gabriel David

Xzaren

Xzaylin

J

Morgyn Marie

Prestyn Alan

Andrew Muirhead Orr, III

Kai Sarah Christine

Kylea Kae

Lia Joy

Teresia’s Baby #1

Teresia’s Baby #2

Teresia’s Baby #3

Michael Robert

Carlos Ademer Ponce Jr.

Peyton Leonard

Lacy Belle

Sadie Mae

Grace Victoria

Levi Joel

Uriah Dalton

Emalynn Angel

Briana Lynn

Sweet Pea

Laura Elizabeth

Charlie

Gunner Troy

Peyton Rockwell

Silas Max

Nicolette Suzanne

Jonas P.

Kylee Nicole

Dylan R.

Andrew

Anna Elizabeth

Stella B.

Baby Cook

Ian Daniel

Baby Avelar #1

Baby Avelar #2

Willow

Ruby

Darla Elena

Ophelia Rose

Cora Edith – Grace

Baby Boy Nichols

Georgia Kairi

Baby Sanchez #1

Baby Sanchez #2

Baby Sanchez #3

Baby Sanchez #4

Baby Sanchez #5

Baby Sanchez #6

Baby Martin #1

Baby Martin #2

Celina Jade

Baby Jones #1

Baby Jones #2

Baby Jones #3

Baby McCormick

Jaemi

Baby Daly

Baby Daly

Andrew

Kai

Baby Hiltz

Addison Lucille

Baby Bice

Heather Rose

Muchow Boy #1

Muchow Boy #2

Muchow Boy #3

Jessica Shafer

Robert Edward

Baby Tad

Dominic

Nash Austin

Baby Hale #1

Baby Hale #2

Baby Hale #3

Saniya Jazmine

Mabel Joy

Isaiah Michael

Hannah Hope

Marcus Levi

Emily Elizabeth

Baby Boy Owens

Baby Owens

Jaxon M.

Colin M.

Courtney M.

Baby Bishop

Baby Arnold

Moses Williams

Azriel Aiden

Lewis Duryea

Wyatt Paul

Baby Hall #1

Baby Hall #2

Charity

Will

Baby Weiss #1

Baby Weiss #2

Sophie Faith

Alexander Michael

Samantha Marie

Jacob Ryan

Bentley Ryan

Aubree Lee

Zoe Elizabeth

Addie Kate

Finley

Poppet

Baby Manke

Joy

Jason

Hope H.

Joseph H.

Leah H.

Hope G.

Noah

Jack

Patrick Wells

Baby Amack

Sam Joseph

Joshie

Lainey Grace

Evelyn Juliet

Catelyn

Baby McMullen #1

Baby McMullen #2

Baby McMullan #3

Baby McMullen #4

Baby McMullen #5

Jesse Flores

Baby Carlos

Baby Hartman

Harper

Evan Christopher

Baby Stephan – Quinlan

Mary Grace

Baby Stevens #1

Baby Stevens #2

Baby Stevens #3

Harper Kathleen

Calan

Anduril

Alexandra Butler

Baby Mitchell

Emily

Xander

Baby Garoffolo #1

Baby Garoffolo #2

Baby Garoffolo #3

Baby Garoffolo #4

Baby Garoffolo #5

Baby Leppo #1

Baby Leppo #2

Baby Leppo #3

Baby Bee

Baby Walther

Britton Reiley

Baby Harris #1

Baby Harris #2

Baby Harris #3

Baby Harris #6

Baby Thomas #1

Baby Thomas #2

Baby Thomas #3

Aleah J.

Sousuke

Caitlin Marie

Keaton Alexander

Baby Jaxon

Baby Williams #1

Baby Williams #2

Zyon Alay

Abdul

Maxwell Isaiah

Malichai Issacc

Grace

Mini Cooper #1

Mini Cooper #2

Mini Cooper #3

Mini Cooper #4

Mini Cooper #5

Daniel Ray

Baby Bruffett

Lisa Irwin

Fowler friend

Sydney

Tristan

Riley

Autumn Humphrey

Zadon William

Andrea Robyn

Billy James

Baby Bean

Baby Pebble

Babb Twin A

Babb Twin B

Daniel Ray Morrow Jr.

Baby Bruffett

Jack Raymond

Sean Connor

Pruitt Siblings

Baby Charlie

Baby Krocker #1

Baby Krocker #2

Baby Krocker #3

Luna Gefion

Gideon Y.

Deborah Y.

Iaasac Y.

Naomi Y.

Jeremiah Y.

Hope Y.

Caleb Y.

Joseph Y.

Gabriel Y.

Iasaiah Y.

Baby Belcher

Baby Matsumoto

Baby Himes

Little One

Baby Mickells

Jacob Matthew

Baby Oransky #1

Baby Oransky #2

Baby Oransky #3

Baby Oransky #4

Baby Oransky #5

Baby Oransky #6

Jeremiah Lee

Lucas Charles

Nathaniel Sierra

Catherine Agnes

Patricia Marie

Taya

Heaven Leigh

Baby B

Baby C

Baby Valentine

Baby Michael #1

Baby Michael #2

Aria

Baby Harshe

Baby Guggie

Baby Guggie

Baby Eoff #1

Baby Eoff #2

Baby Eoff #3

Shelomith

Kelso friend

Y’hoshua Samuel

Kaden Friedly

Mikel Wayne

Eldon

Kaleigh

Dallas Edwin

Cooper David

Sydney Alexis

Jenna

Baby McConnell

Baby MaGee

Jesslyn Nicole Paige

Baby BeShears

Elizabeth Ashley Anne

William Gaines

Jaydyn Kellen

Hope Marie

Jordan

Shiloh

Jacob

Baby Grote #2

Baby Carter

Victoria

Baby Larson

Baby Casteneda

Braedon

McKenzie

Cameron

Kyler

Jackson

Baby Gordon

Amanda Renae

TBA Jenkins

Twinkie Jenkins

Zane Alexander

Jocelyn Lynn

Nellia

Baby Rocha

Lindley grandchildren

Baby Vazquez

Joshua Michael

Baby Whitten

Vanessa Jade

Nesiah

Christian

Elijah

Jacob

Zoe

Zoen

Josiah

Lily

Zoey Ryane

Alister

Baby Kline

Michael “Mikey”

Zoey Charlene

Baby Ross

Devin Michael

Wanda Christine

Elijah Kent

Baby Young #1

Baby Young #2

Baby Young #3

Baby Cannell

Baby Myers

Barbara Ann

Cooperrider Baby #1

Cooperrider Twin A

Cooperrider Twin B

Presley Lyn

Bump

Kip

Jack Davis

Alister Pierce

Baby Tavi

Baby Joyce

Baby Sue

Jordan R.

Gabrielle R.

Barnabus

Kevo the Klown Baby #1

Kevo the Klown Baby #2

Kevo the Klown Baby #3

 

 

Kansas City Remembers

Tonight is the night!

If you haven’t yet read my initial invitation, please know that you are invited to join me in releasing 100 glowing balloons at 6pm.

If you have been impacted by pregnancy loss, infant loss, have struggled with fertility, or know someone who has, please come.

A miscarried baby is born every minute, and an American baby is born still every twenty minutes.  You aren’t alone.

 

~~~

If you’d like to see how our event turned out, please read We Still Have Work.

One a Minute

Somewhere, a mother is peering over a pregnancy test, and marveling that her life will never be the same again, as she watches an invisible space fill with just the tiniest tinge of pink.

She looks at herself in the mirror.  She rubs her belly.  She wonders who she will tell first.

Somewhere, too, a doctor’s office is calling a woman, leaving a voicemail for her to return the call.  When she does, she will learn that her IVF efforts have resulted in a fertilized egg – that she is pregnant.

Somewhere in the United States, though, a mother is holding her still-flat tummy and consoling herself that cramping is a totally normal part of early pregnancy.

This very minute, a father is at work, somewhere in the United States.  His wife is calling him to tell him to come home.

This very minute a new mother is using the restroom, and begins to panic when she wipes and finds blood on her tissue.

This very minute, a new mother is sitting with her feet elevated, hoping to stop the blood from coming.

This very minute, a new mother is being told that “these things happen” and to “just expect a period.”

This very minute, new parents are wondering how to tell their children that mommy is losing the baby.

This very minute, a new mother, dressed in a suit or uniform, is wishing she could leave work, because she doesn’t want to be there as she labors her miscarried baby.

This very minute, a new mother is debating how she will finish her errands for the week, because she doesn’t want to risk being out in public as her body furthers the laboring of her miscarried baby.

This very minute, a new mother wishes the labor and birth would be over so that she can resume normal daily tasks like grocery shopping without fear, while at the same time wishing the nightmare would end and she would wake up still happily pregnant.

This very minute, young children are fantasizing over having a little brother or sister, only to learn that their baby is no longer alive.

This very minute, new parents are deciding how they will say goodbye to their baby, while wondering if they will be given that chance.

This very minute, a new mother is looking online to see what miscarried babies look like.  Her search will be met instead by babies born via D&C and presented through the politics surrounding elective abortion, if she doesn’t find stillbirthday.

This very minute, an ultrasound technician is shutting off an ultrasound machine with the words “I’m sorry.”

This very minute, a mother is peering into her toilet, feeling so ashamed and dirty as she sticks her hand into the cool, red water to see if she can retrieve what she wonders is the physical form of her tiny baby.

This very minute, a mother is sitting in a wheelchair in an Emergency Room, begging for protection over her pregnancy and baby, while watching other people being admitted and cared for first.

This very minute, a miscarried baby’s physical form enters into a sewage or waste system.

This very minute, a couple is wondering how they are supposed to plan or pay for a farewell, or what the right kind of farewell is.

This very minute, a couple is looking at one another, feeling more alone than they ever have before – but right now, this very minute, they join hundreds of thousands of other couples who are impacted by pregnancy loss every year.

They are not alone – but they don’t know that yet.

Every minute a baby is born by miscarriage in the United States.

Today, one thousand six hundred forty four American families will be impacted by miscarriage, and seventy one more will be impacted by stillbirth.

A pregnancy loss is still a birth – is still a birthday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Proclamation 5890

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Do you think President Ronald Reagan’s decision to sign Proclamation 5890 drew him to think upon his daughter, Christine, who died at birth 40 years before the signing?

Related: 25 Year Remembrance Hot Air Balloon Ride and Free Hearts Release

Proclamation 5890 — Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988

October 25, 1988

 

By the President of the United States of America

A Proclamation

 

Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in theUnited Statesend in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.

 

Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.

 

Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.

 

The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month” and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.

 

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of theUnited States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

 

In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.

 

Ronald Reagan

 

[Filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 11:13 a.m., October 26, 1988]

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View our current events to see where you can celebrate in October.

Where will you be October 15? (2012)

Where will you be on October 15?

October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, as proclaimed by Ronald Reagan in 1988.

October 15 is International Remembrance day.

What are your plans during this season of remembering?

What activities do you have planned?  Where will you be?

Let us know – we want to hear about it.

Do you want to consider your event a stillbirthday event?  Share our printable resources at your event, and take pictures!  We want to add your event to our first newsletter this November.

 

An invitation from Heidi Faith!

If you are in Kansas City, Heidi Faith is planning a glowing spiral balloon release.  It will require the help of 100 people.  That’s right, 100 people.  Since nearly 100 mothers give birth to a stillborn baby every day in the US alone (the number of babies born via miscarriage are even higher), this is an appropriate number.  The balloon release is with the help of Balloon Garden.

If you’ve ever experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, have struggled with fertility, or have lost a child at any age, you are invited to release a balloon.  Perhaps you are a grandparent or an aunt to one of these children.  It is a time to demonstrate our parenthood, our love, for these children who are not physically present in our lives but who are present in our hearts.

Come on out to the Northland, on the early evening of Monday October 15 (about 6pm), and help release a purple, glowing balloon.  A pregnancy loss is still a birth, and is still a birthday.  Come, honor the special stillbirthdays in your own life, by helping Heidi release 100 balloons.

Purple has been chosen because many mothers are uncertain of the gender of their babies born via miscarriage.  Considering that pink represents the mother, blue represents the father, pink and blue together make purple.

Face painting and clowns for your surviving and subsequent children will help encourage them to see that they belong, that grief is safe, and that a pregnancy loss is felt by the whole family, including siblings.  Kevo the Klown and Dodger the Clown may both be there!

The event is free, with an optional love offering recieved.  I can’t do this without you, so please, just come.

 

Address:

Northland Cathedral (click for directions)

101 NW 99th Street

Kansas City, MO 64155

(When you turn into the driveway from N. Oak Trafficway, drive until you see the open lawn on the right side (east of the church).  You can park anywhere and that east lawn will be the launch site.)

Time:

approximately 6pm-6:30pm (launch time will be around 6:15)

 

 

 

 

It’s Time

Maybe you’ve visited stillbirthday before.

Maybe you’ve clicked the share your story tab, and thought about finally releasing it – the tension, the years of shame, the decades of self-torture and silent grief.

You’ve read articles like our recent “In Twenty Minutes” and it opened up that scarred over scab, and dug a little deeper than you thought it would.

But then you read another story, a story from a bereaved mother, and you become filled with jealousy, shame and hesitation all over again:

She seems like such a better mother than me…

Your pain mounts and you prepare to flee, as you tell yourself that a place like stillbirthday is a place only for mothers with recent losses – not mothers like you.

It’s not for mothers like you, who flushed and walked away.  Who allowed yourself to believe that the experience was nothing more than a period, or that your pregnancy loss was a “mess that cleaned itself up.”

It’s not for mothers like you, who were terrified at the prospect of raising a child…

…who were at least a little but probably enormously thankful that the decision was made for you, that the tiny baby was taken before you had to figure out what you were going to do.

…who haven’t seemed to care, until now.

You tell yourself defeatedly but confidently that stillbirthday is not a place for mothers who needed time before they could look at their grief, before they could feel their grief, before they could accept their grief.

To you, I say,

It’s Time.

It’s time to see that

  • You are welcome here.
  • Your feelings are valid.
  • You are not bound by shame.
  • You and your experiences are safe here.
  • You are invited to embrace the healing that awaits you through the journey of exploring your grief.
  • It is never too late to open up, to share, to explore your feelings, to be a part of our community.
  • Your baby is safe.
  • Your baby loves you.
  • You are worthy of love and respect.
  • You belong.
  • A pregnancy loss is still a birthday – it doesn’t go away.  It is a part of you.  Because it is a part of you, you are invited to be a part of stillbirthday.  You don’t have to face this alone.
  • You are not alone.

Can a mother forget her nursing child?  Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  Isaiah 49:15

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.  Psalm 27:10

These passages are not in scripture to bring you shame and condemnation.  They are there to bring you hope.  They are there, because they happen.  Parents do face experiences and situations in which, at the time, it seems like the only thing they can do is to push the reality of their parenthood away.  These passages are in scripture  to encourage you that the Lord has always embraced your child, and that you are always welcome to embrace the reality of your child as well.

Did you have a pregnancy loss years ago, and you’ve never talked about it?  Have you begun to feel a stirring of emotions recently, as you reflect on that season in your life or that experience in particular?

One stillbirthday mother is celebrating her daughter Hannah’s tenth stillbirthday, by inviting others to perform an act of kindness.  In so doing, she is proving that the reality of her child lives even if her child doesn’t, and that even ten years later, her child can impact the world in a positive, healing way.  There is a Hannah in scripture who also mirrors this sentiment: she achingly and desperately wanted the experience of pregnancy and childbirth, and made an enormous bargain with God, just to have these experiences.  Ten years later, that child, Samuel, didn’t legally belong to her, wasn’t considered her child any longer, but his birth alone changed her life and his positive impact was still a part of her.

Stillbirthday accepts the invitation to be a part of Hannah’s tenth stillbirthday, to discover that time doesn’t have to bind you in shame, but that time can bring with it the opportunity to find the freedom of sharing, of reaching out, and of healing that you deserve.

Stillbirthday extends the invitation to you:

It’s never too late for you to feel the positive impact your child has on you, and on others.

To help encourage you to see that your experience is not bound by shame or condemnation, stillbirthday invites you to share your story.  From now until the end of September, all stories that are shared at stillbirthday from mothers or other loved ones who just needed time, will be entered to win the book  Becoming a Woman of Freedom by Cynthia Heald, a book that further encourages you not to be bound by the shame and hesitation that rob us of opportunities to find healing.

 

 

 

In Twenty Minutes

In twenty minutes, a mother who has been laboring, in pain, terror, disbelief and anguish, will give one final push, and her silent, stillborn baby will be born.

In twenty minutes, a father, shocked, in horror and in terrible amazement, will watch as his lifeless child, perfect but still, is carefully swaddled.

He will watch as the doctor awkwardly and uncomfortably asks his distraught, grief stricken wife if she wants to hold this unmoving bundle of bleach smelled blanket and lifeless form.

The mother, wet from tears, sweat and blood, will be shaking, broken, overwhelmed, and will, with uncertainty, recieve her baby in her arms.  Both parents will feel ill-prepared and terribly alone.

In twenty minutes, this baby’s older brother, a surviving sibling, will face weeks, maybe months of distraction and mood swings from his parents.  He will wonder why mom is crying, or shouting, or throwing things for no reason.  He will wonder why dad doesn’t come home from work on time anymore or why he yells at him or his mom or why his dad retreats so often to tinker in the garage.

Yes, in fifteen minutes now, an ill-prepared loved one will soon tell this mother not to worry, because at least she has the older child.

Still another ill-prepared loved one will think to tell the parents that they can try again.

The distraught father will try to protect the mother from the mounting pain, anger, confusion and devastation.   He will try to minimize his grief in an effort to minimize hers.

The baby who is born will not need a carseat.  Returning home from the hospital, the birth will be unmarked by visitors bringing the family a warm meal.

Verily, in twelve minutes, a volcano of emotion, tension, and destruction will be brewing in these parents hearts.

The mother will wonder why everyone she knows and loves are demanding her to be so unloyal to her feelings of sadness and loss.

She will turn against those she loves as she retreats internally, trying to lick her own wounds while filling with resentment at being ignored and overlooked.

The surviving sibling – remember him?  In ten minutes, he will not know it, but the family plan to attend church this Sunday will be vanished.

After a weekend of hiding quietly in his bedroom, listening to the sounds of wailing, hushed whispers and shouting from his parents, he will return to school on Monday, confused and lonely.   He will wonder if his friends think he is weird, if his parents were bad, or if he somehow hurt his mom and killed his little sister.

He will begin to wonder if his parents love him.  Or if they even should.

It is true; in five minutes, each person in the family will question God, will question life, will question purpose.

They will feel that others around them are rushing them to move on and forget.  Forget that their child is not alive.

They will feel that others around them don’t want them to count their child.  That because nobody else knew their child, that their child doesn’t count.

These parents, this mother and father, will look upon that bundle wrapped in a hospital blanket, and will wonder if they should push it away.

They will imagine – for just a moment – that pushing that bundle away, not looking, not touching, will help them move on faster.

Will help them forget.  People they know will reflect this sentiment, time and time again, in the months and years to come.

But in three minutes, their hearts will be so heavy that they won’t be able to move.  They will be held there, in that moment, holding their lifeless baby.

In the United States alone,

  • 600,000 mothers endure pregnancy loss through miscarriage
  • 26,000 mothers endure pregnancy loss through stillbirth (source)

71 mothers today will give birth to a stillborn baby.  71 families will be changed forever, their spiritual health, relational health, marital health and even physical health will all be threatened.  Illness and injury manifesting as silenced grief will affect each member of the family, causing time off of work, time out of school, and time stolen from family bonding.  All 71 of these families need to know that they are not alone.  That there is hope.  That there is healing.  That there is stillbirthday.

Every twenty minutes a stillborn baby is born, in the US alone.

It is happening,

right now.

 

Tell your loved ones, your co-workers, your neighbors, your medical providers, your religious leaders, that pregnancy loss is still birth.

That the birth experience is only the beginning of a lifelong process of living in grief, a lifelong quest to make sense of it and to find your place within it.  That even the earliest miscarriage deserves to be honored as the birth, and the death, that it is.  Tell them, tell them now:

A pregnancy loss is still a birthday.

For further reading: every minute an American baby is born via miscarriage.

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Sharing

Review and Giveaway!

Sometimes sharing can be the loveliest thing to do.

Jill Markijohn of Handmade JILLry often shares amazing items from her shop as giveaways.  On one such giveaway, Michelle Jones won the prize.  Michelle, a doula listed here with stillbirthday, felt prompted to share the item even further.   She has graciously passed along this beautiful piece so that another mother could treasure it.

This stunning Wrap Ring is made using Genuine Swarovski Crystals in Clear with an awareness ribbon made using Rose Pink and Light Blue Sapphire crystals to create the pink and blue awareness ribbon which represents pregnancy and infant loss (among other things).

This ring measures approximately 1/2″ at crystal portion and 1/4″ at band and is an approximate size 6 and 1/2 to 7.

This ring comes in a mesh drawstring bag and wrapped. Ready to be given as a gift, or just as a treat for you!

As Jill prepares to celebrate her daughter’s first birthday in the month of August, she also remembers the two children who shared a pregnancy with her little girl.

Jill’s daughter is a singleton survivor of triplets.

Jill says that it is her beautiful little girl who helps her endure the grief of losing two children, and she wants to know what helps you endure your grief.

To be entered in this giveaway, simply share with us in a comment below:

What is it that motivates you, inspires you, encourages you, as you endure your grief?

This giveaway is now closed.  Thank you all who participated.  The winner is hroberts10607.  Please use the feedback form at the top of the page to give Heidi Faith your mailing address to receive your very beautiful ring!

The First Year

We’ve walked our first year at stillbirthday together.

We’ve endured quite a lot, me and all of you, and I am humbled and honored for the love and support I have received and have seen so many receive through stillbirthday.

To say thank you, some very special people have collaborated with me to offer special products and discounts through the entire month of August – some for everyone including all stillbirthday parents and visitors, and some just for the special people who have listed their services here.

Mel Scott is a stillbirthday mom to two babies – one born via miscarriage, and the other, Finley, who was born via emergency Cesarean birth after 41 weeks 5 days of an uncomplicated pregnancy.  The combined experiences have prompted Mel to make a difference in the lives of other grieving families.  What began as a community outreach, providing counsel to bereaved mothers in her local area, turned into a global effort to see the earliest steps of the journey of grief made properly supported by professionals who know how to capture memories for and with the hurting family.  Mel has run conferences to educate and inspire midwives, and was even nominated to run the Olympic flame.

She is also a part of our mentorship team.

Mel has also put her experiences and her heart into a book entitled “After Finley” which she has discounted for stillbirthday family and visitors.

Click the book to visit Mel’s website and read about her amazing book “After Finley”

After Finley, written by Mel Scott

$16 USD – contact Mel with your purchase information

 

 

 

 

 

 

While the grieving journey is a painful and even isolating one for mothers, extended family, siblings and the father can also feel isolated and tragically unsupported.  Steve Butler has a heart after God, and a heart to provide care in this gaping void.  With his two books “A Letter from Heaven” which is followed by “We Do Remember You”, Steve speaks to the needs of siblings, parents and grandparents as they try to piece their lives together after the loss of a child.  Both of his books have earned Mom’s Choice awards and several wonderful reviews from professionals both in and out of bereavement support.  Here, you can buy We Will Remember You for yourself and recieve a free copy for a friend or to donate to your local library!  Steve is an Associate Chaplain through the Association of Professional Chaplains, is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, and he is a bereaved grandfather.

He also serves as a member of our mentorship team.

Click the book to visit Steve’s website and learn about his wonderful books and services for grief support.

We Do Remember You, written by Steve Butler

Buy one get one free – contact Steve with your purchase information

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paulina “Polly” Perez, RN, BSN, FACCE has been an advocate for new mothers and families for over forty-five years.  Polly has helped establish the earliest family centered maternity care units, she has worked as a production assistant on films that teach families about family-centered childbirth, she has contributed to important Health Services education for pregnant families, and she teaches new mothers and families important pregnancy, childbirth and new family information, including emotional and sexual aspects of pregnancy and comprehensive birth preparation including Cesarean birth education.  Through her online business, she sells quality products that aid pregnant families and birth professionals in helping to facilitate safe and comfortable childbirth experiences.

Polly is internationally known for her care of the new family, and has earned the Association of Women’s Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses (AWHONN) Award of Excellence, for her excellence in community service, education, practice and research.  Polly is also listed among the Outstanding  Young Women of America, Who’s Who in American Women and Who’s Who in American  Nursing.

One of Polly’s earliest professional experiences in particular has helped to shape the depth of her compassion and care for families enduring pregnancy loss.  She has since been an advocate for families enduring loss by speaking and training other professionals in the art of compassionate care.

Polly wrote the first book on the importance of labor assistants, and she honors all doulas listed at stillbirthday by inviting them to purchase this incredible, must-have book for a reduced rate.

Click the book to visit Polly’s extraordinary resources for labor and birth support.

Special Women, written by Polly Perez

20% off – contact Polly or her husband Eric with your purchase information

Available exclusively for all doulas listed at stillbirthday.  Please include the URL where you are listed when ordering.

 

 

 

 

Gena Kirby is on a mission. Gena wants moms to know what they are not being told and that they are not alone. On any given day she is either sharing information about gentle birth and parents right to informed consent on her radio program, or sharing tips on babywearing on her tv show. She might be at a new moms house delivering a breast pump from her store, and showing her the easiest way to pump. She may be blogging about the newest information on vbacs (vaginal birth after cesarean) or writting about non-violent parenting for a local magazine or syndicated blog. Gena is a tireless advocate for mothers, babies, parents and the people that love them.

Gena is a Doula, a childbirth educator, a La Leche League International Breastfeeding Peer Counselor, and a mother of three children under 7 years old. She serves on the Board of Directors of Attachment Parenting International and is the ex President of Texans for Midwifery, and is a member of the Central Texas Doula Association. She is also the founder of Austin Birth Advocates & is a member of numerous local advocacy groups.

Gena is also a doula listed at stillbirthday, providing support prior to, during and after births in any trimester.  In honor of stillbirthday, Gena is reducing the price of her beautiful and helpful e-book guide to rebozo use during labor and birth.

Click the book to visit Gena’s website and learn about her passion to help families during pregnancy, birth and early postpartum.

Comfort and Strength in Labor, a Rebozo Method e-book, photograph book by Gena Kirby

50% off (regularly $15.00) – you can order directly from her website

 

 

 

 

 

HeBrews Coffee is participating in the celebration of stillbirthday’s first year.  Providing delicious, gourmet coffee with loving words of encouragement and fun scriptural connections, HeBrews Coffee is a unique, comforting gift idea, for yourself and for a special friend.  HeBrews Coffee has partnered with stillbirthday by providing a $1 “donation” offer and now, through the month of August, they are offering a wonderful deal that will allow you to enjoy a bag of coffee for yourself while also sharing the joy and comfort of HeBrew’s quality coffee products with someone else.  Share some coffee with a loved one, only through stillbirthday and HeBrews Coffee.  Freeze it for a Christmas gift!

Click the cup of coffee to be taken to Hebews Coffee shop.

Coffee for everyone – all stillbirthday parents and visitors

Buy one bag get one bag free – contact Ron with your purchase information

 

 

 

As an incentive for stillbirthday moms to consider joining our team through our first ever bereavement doula training, Brandi from B’earth Angel online shop has offered a giveaway from her amazing collection of carefully handmade jewelry.   The winner of this fantastic opportunity is Mary Walsh, who will be able to choose one piece (maximum value $30.00) from Brandi’s beautiful collection.

Click the necklace to visit Brandi’s extraordinary pregnancy and birth jewelry.

SBD doula registration winner- Mary Walsh

One free $30 gift certificate – contact Brandi with your selection

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you everyone, for walking this path with me.  This year has been an overwhelming one.  I have wept over your stories.  I have touched the computer screen at photos of your beautiful children, wishing  you could have them back, wondering what they look like in Heaven.  I have prayed for you.  And I have stumbled on my own journey, with the enemy attacking my efforts to bring hope and healing to even my own loss.  Thank you for trusting me with the most intimate details of your experiences.  Thank you for sharing your grief with one another so that you can help show one another where and how to just take one more step.  Thank you for allowing me to hold your babies and their stories here.  Thank you for your patience and your love for me as I too, assimilate my loss and try to make sense of life as a bereaved parent.  Each one of you blesses me, more than I can say.

I miss you, baby C.  I miss you so much.  It is impossible to run back to you.  So I walk patiently forward on this path I see, knowing that up ahead, around the bend, just out of my sight, you are there.  Maybe you’re dangling from a tree.  Maybe your biggest brother is right, and Jesus is pushing you on a swing, as your Great Grandpa swings next to you.  Maybe the three of you are laughing together.  I will catch up to you someday, my child, but the path leading me to that day is an important one, one without a shortcut, filled with so much opportunity to share, to give, and to grow.  As I guide your siblings into adulthood, they too look forward to the day they can meet you.  Someday, just around the bend, just up ahead.  We’ll be there with you, my child.

Here’s one more step, moving forward, moving closer together.

The SBD® Doula provides support to families experiencing birth in any trimester and in any outcome.

Here at stillbirthday.info, you can learn about the SBD® Doula.